I’ve talked about her before in past posts. I’ve know her for almost 45 years and I’m no closer to her now than I was 45 years ago. She’s very hard to talk to. She has no interests other than gossip and money. She used to drop in unannounced all the time until my husband finally put his foot down. Now she drops in on her friends at dinner time and eats with them! Everything is about her. She makes snide comments about my family and thinks she is superior to them. I could go on and on forever.
Anyway, back to my story. My sister and BIL host Christmas Eve dinner. They always invite my MIL because they are too nice. (My husband is an only child - he’s her only family) She always hems and haws about going or not going. It’s like she wants to be begged. But she always comes of course.
This year we tried something different. We did a dice game instead of drawing names for gifts. The only rule was that IF you wanted to play the game, you had to bring a $20 gift card or gender neutral gift. If you don’t want to play, don’t bring a gift.
I heard my husband on the phone with his mom numerous times very clearly explaining what we were going to do. He didn’t even mention that a gift was an option. He just told her to buy a gift card if she wanted to play. Easy-Peasy
Christmas Eve has arrived. I am setting up for the dice game. I loudly say, “if you’re going to play the game, put your gifts/cards in the pile”. Everyone was complying and as I walked past my MIL she tells me that she didn’t know anything about it and that my husband (her son) told her something about a credit card. !!! (I should have told her - yea throw your credit card in the pile). She then asks if she should put some money in an envelope. I said sure, that will work. So in the pile it goes. At one point during the game everyone was to open the gift they had in their possession so we could all see what it was and could start trading/stealing in the next round. Whoever had the MIL money envelope opened it and showed the crowd SIX - $1 BILLS! So it became the joke. Everyone was trying to get rid of it and we were all laughing hysterically. She had no clue what was going on. In the end, my granddaughter’s boyfriend got skunked with that glorious gift.
I told my husband the next day (he didn’t realize what had happened - he wasn’t playing), I wondered what nice gift card she was able to take home. He was furious and called her to ask her what she was thinking. She tried telling him that was all she had with her (then she shouldn’t have played). And it’s not like she’s living hand to mouth. She has plenty of money. She told my husband that she didn’t want the gift card so she left it behind. I asked my sister and she said they didn’t see anything when they cleaned up. So either she’s lying and kept the card or a perfectly good gift card was thrown away accidentally.
Yep, that’s about how things went when we tried to draw names for Christmas gifts. Always someone who “forgot” or “didn’t understand”. Although it seems like it almost worked for you guys…
I’m so glad you were able to laugh about it! That’s really the only good that can come of things like this. I’m a terrible person, so I’d be tempted to keep this gag going somehow, year after year, but you might be a better person and want to let it go.
That is hilarious. All she did was expose herself as the cheap miser she is. Or, she has exposed some memory problems that need further examination, such as dementia?
If it helps, I have a friend who refers to her former in-laws as the outlaws. And they deserve the name. Tell your sis that it is up to her whether she invites the miser again.
I hope it is dementia. At least there’d be a reasonable excuse.
By your description of her it seems not likely.
Then again, I’d like to be the person getting away with it.
My MIL had similar tactics. Never brought a dish to a potluck. Never paid her part in a group gift.
If something was free she stood around collecting as much freebies as she could.
When big box stores do that try a taste business she basically ate her lunch with them. Taking as much as she could get away with.
It never bothered her, she didn’t apologize or even admit to it.
I kinda respected her, in a way, for bad behavior. It wasn’t quite stealing.
She wouldn’t have cared if you called her on it.
I think she might have been a shoplifter as well. She was never caught, so I don’t have proof.
Now I draw the line at thinking that was ok or funny
No it’s not dementia. She’s been like this forever.
-She never leave tips
-She goes to the food shelf because she says she qualifies One day we were at her house and she told me how she organized/cleaned her kitchen cupboards. Then I noticed a large trash bag on the floor in the corner. I could see through the plastic and saw that it was loaded up with cans of food from the food shelf!! (They always give out odd brands.) She was going to throw it away! My husband told her she was to never go to the food shelf again.
-One Xmas she gave one great grandkid a new pair of roller blades and another great grandkid (about the same age) got a babyish toy that was about 5 years to young for him.
-My niece got married (daughter of the sister that’s so kind to her). She’s known my niece since she was born. They’re always at the same family functions which occur quite often. MIL opted to help one of her friends throw a party instead of going to nieces wedding. And didn’t even send her a card.
-Last year for Xmas, she gave my daughter, her first born grandchild who is now an adult, a giant trash bag full of all kinds of junk. She was very concerned that it didn’t get lost. It had old sheets (not a full set), a used candle, kitchen towels that she didn’t want, a calendar that my mom gave her for her birthday, jigsaw puzzle pieces in a ziploc bag, any a myriad of other CRAP.
-When her husband died, she gave my son his wedding ring. which was very out of character for her (she doesn’t have a sentimental bone in her body). My son bought a gold chain to put it on and sometimes wore it and other times had it hanging on his bedpost (although he wasn’t his biological grandpa, he was very close to him). When my son died, family came to our house the day after. The VERY FIRST thing she said to me was - where’s Bill’s ring?" I just stared at her, went to my son’s room, took it off the bedpost and thrust it at her. I didn’t even get a hug.
OMG! I could go on and on. That’s enough - I’m getting angry all over again.
Seems like there is always one person like this in an extended family. In mine it’s a brother in law. I choose to just avoid him, but it helps we live 1500 miles apart.
There is always the nuclear option that you can use.
Your MIL is obviously not compos mentis. Expecting someone that unbalanced to be considerate, sympathetic, and fair-minded is an exercise in futility. It might help to imagine her in a straitjacket.
The family should treat her as they would anyone whose mental state is seriously unhinged. Let her think she’s part of a gift exchange, for instance, but everyone can agree in advance that she’s really not participating. You can take turns getting her a very cheap gift (maybe regifted) if she’d feel left out otherwise, but her dice throw or selected number doesn’t count.
My MIL has never been one to beat around the bush, but over xmas she caused my jaw to drop. She is 80 years old and very active. Her 84 year old sister recently died, as did a 79 year old friend of theirs. Her 82 year old sister has gone downhill rapidly and is in a nursing home.
The nursing home sister was home for xmas. My MIL was talking to her about a painting she has, her most treasured possession, the only thing she took to the nursing home with her.
Out of the blue, she asks her sister if she can have the painting “when she is done with it”. No pins dropped, I’d have heard them. My gf started to cry quietly. Then gf’s brother said, “hey, how bout them Steelers”.
Believe me I avoid her whenever I can. I don’t call her nor do I answer when she calls. I always tell my husband that I must have been in the basement doing laundry and didn’t hear my phone. Luckily he agrees with me on her goofiness. He is working an odd shift now - Fri, Sat, Sun, 12 hours/day but gets paid for 40 along with a raise. So he’s home Mon - Thurs. She drops in on him almost EVERY day. Thank goodness I’m at work. Of course there are times that I can’t get around it. Today for instance she’s coming over to eat with us. My husband told her she can only be here for 2 hours
I think the OP bears some responsibility here, especially if the MIL’s behavior is clearly calculated. I would call her out on it, but in a humorous way. And then I’d remind her about it the next time too in an LOL way like “Remember last Christmas when you cheaped out on the present? Everyone still remembers that, ha -ha”. You can’t change her, but you can let it be known that people are noticing.
You have my sympathy for having such a person in your life, and seem to be handling the situation much better than I would.
I know it’s too late for this and my condolences for your loss, but in your place I would have flat out refused to return the ring, and for extra zing would have said that it was going to be buried with your son.
Ha! She was gone in a little over an hour. She left on her own accord because she didn’t want to drive in the dark.
Believe me, we’ve tried calling her out on some of her behavior, but it doesn’t phase her. Her top 3 replies:
That’s no big deal
I didn’t do anything wrong
They don’t care
Regarding the ring, I was too dumbfounded to even come up with a good zinger. My son was cremated. I could have told her the ring is in his ashes!
That same night (the night after my son died), we were watching DVDs (VHS tapes that had been transferred) of him when he was a little kid. We all laughed and cried. What did she say you may ask? I heard her whispering to my husband, “Where am I in those videos?”
WTF???!!!
(I should have told her - yea throw your credit card in the pile). 
She then asks if she should put some money in an envelope. I said sure, that will work. So in the pile it goes. At one point during the game everyone was to open the gift they had in their possession so we could all see what it was and could start trading/stealing in the next round. Whoever had the MIL money envelope opened it and showed the crowd SIX - $1 BILLS! So it became the joke. Everyone was trying to get rid of it and we were all laughing hysterically. She had no clue what was going on. In the end, my granddaughter’s boyfriend got skunked with that glorious gift.
