It’s a temporary situation, thank Og. Mom finally decided to divorce her husband again, and believe me baby, I’m all for it. But the woman is getting on my last nerve already and she’s only been here two days!
Mostly, it’s because I got rid of my own useless husband last year, and it’s been so wonderful to have my own house and my own routines and my own way about everything. Mom was really “there for me” (oh, how I hate that expression, but she was) when I was going through my own divorce. Now it’s payback time!
It’s not even as though she’s being a real pain in the ass; we’re just so very, very different. The thing that’s bothered me the most (so far) is that she’s having cable put in. I got rid of TV right after I got rid of the husband, and things have been so peaceful and quiet! I had a few withdrawal pangs, but since then the kids and I have gone to the library a lot more, talked a lot more, gotten more done, etc. Now that blonde woman is insisting that she can’t get along without her reality shows. (And I’m not going to ask her to; I realize that normal people have TVs and the poor woman’s going through enough right now without having to miss Survivor.)
My furniture has been rearranged. My schedules are being disrupted. I have to share the tiny bathroom. I have to wake her up two or three times in the mornings. I have to work around her in the kitchen. I have to defend my parenting decisions. I have to make my bed, because she doesn’t like getting dressed in a messy room. She feeds the cats when they’re not supposed to eat. And there will be more to come, no doubt. Anyway, this is obviously not a rant, nor even a plea for advice. This is more of a selfish wail of feeling sorry for myself, and because you guys are so special and so lucky, I have brought it here.
I was so onboard with your post until then. Try having your mother in-law live with you for 16 years, then see who the lucky one is. There again though, I do count my blessings … had it been -my- mother, one of us would be dead and the other in prison.
You are doing a good thing Dung Beetle, but that doesn’t mean that “mom” rules your roost. She is a guest in your home and, as such, she should behave so and stay out of the way of a routine that works.
Out of morbid curiosity, why do you have to wake her up in the mornings? Or anyone, for that matter?
I recently had minor surgery and even though I specifically stated over and over that I’d be just fine my mother and father came to stay with me and help me out. Dad was here under a week and busied himself with household projects, yay me. Mom stayed an additional two and a half weeks!
I’m single, I’ve been single for 32 of my 34 years, I thought I’d go outta my everlovin’ head. I couldn’t very well just up and kick her out, too much of her identity is Helpful NurtureMama, she lives for her kids and grandkids.
Thankfully, I was able to pretty much keep my mouth shut, fix everything weird she did on my computer and she’s back home now. Of course, I had prescription drugs to help my tolerance factor, dunno how applicable that is to your situation but I wish you the very best of luck.
This sharing a bedroom thing is guaranteed to make you both crazy. Is there some way your mom could have her own room? Then she could have her space and you could have yours. You’d each have your own place to go where the other couldn’t enter without knocking.
I’m happy to hear your mom is getting out of that marriage, Dung Beetle. I remember a thread a while back (Thanksgiving? Christmas?) that made me want to smack her husband upside the head. He sounded like the biggest jerk.
Might be a good time to practice your assertiveness, negotiating, and boundary-drawing.
Because when someone has just made major change in their life, they are actually more able to accept further changes, especially if the changes are rational and positive.
I totally feel for you. My mom got on the plane today after 2.5 weeks. FREE AT LAST!!! I so could not deal with her living with me. You are a way better woman than I
yellowval, I can’t seem to locate that old thread at the moment, but you remember correctly that my stepdad is bad news. He was always abusive, mostly towards my brother, but the last straw for Mom was when she recently found out that he had sired a child with another woman and had been paying support/blackmail for years. Mom even tried to stay married after that, but he went on treating her like shit just the same. If he had so much as pretended to be sorry, she’d probably still be there.
In other news: She used my towel! She used my towel!
