I’m curious; based on my responses so far in this thread, what do you think I was planning to do that contradicts the advice you give here?
Heh. I dug the most recent one out of the recycling bin. (It just came today.) The table of contents includes:
[ul]
[li]Safe at home for Christmas. Once we figured out whose team we were on, our family’s “crash-and-burn Christmases” became cherished home runs.[/li][li]A Christmas story: Gold, common sense, and fur. Our four wonderful kids are proof that God has a sense of humor.[/li][li]Readers choose Catholic Charities USA as Love Your Neighbor Award winner[/li][li]Explore Biblical Jordan! From the site of Jesus’ baptism to the mysterious city where Paul may have preached the Gospel, discover the beauty and mystery of this Middle Eastern nation.[/li][/ul]
Plus what appear to be regular columns titled “Praying,” “Love Your Neighbor,” and “Worth Watching” - a guide to TV, movies, Internet and radio. There is also a crossword puzzle and an advice column.
Scintillating! And yet, already back in the recycling bin.
My red father subscribed me to a Trotskyist paper :D.
I don’t mind. I glance at maybe one issue out of ten and we’ve never discussed it, but he just keep renewing my subscription, year after year. I figure if it makes him happy in some obscure way, no skin off my nose. Though honestly most of the time it goes straight from my mailbox to the trashcan.
You know, I actually think that the equivalent of Mom subscribing me to “Catholic Digest” wouldn’t be my subscribing her to “High Times” or something else with subject material she would actively disapprove of. A closer equivalent would be if I sent her a subscription to “Runner’s World” magazine – implying that, you know, running is fun! And she should do it! Sure, she’s told me in the past that she’s not interested in running and doesn’t feel like it would be good for her joints, but I like to run, and I think it’s really good for me, so here’s this magazine all about how great running is, and she can read it and maybe she’ll come around to my point of view!
(I am not going to actually do this. I just had this realization and wanted to share it.)
Eh, I don’t see someone trying to force their opinions on me knowing full well that I don’t agree with them and don’t want them as meaning well. It’s passive aggressive (maybe even full-on aggressive).
Oh, but why not? This sounds like a wonderful idea! “Mom, I know you sent me a magazine subscription because you love me so much: I just want to return the favor because I love you so much.”
It’s passive aggressive because the mom will most likely refuse to admit she sent it. Full aggression requires you to be willing to reveal yourself.
You know, if this happened to me, I would just assume it was a high pressure sales pitch–maybe they convinced my mom that if she really loved me, she couldn’t let me go to Hell without at least trying this really easy way of converting me.
The proselytizing mindset is always that they are doing this for your own good. They don’t see it as any form of aggressive–they just want to make sure you’re the one deciding not to embrace their beliefs.
I had a work colleague, one I thought I respected. Because of a few very cryptic comments at a Christmas dinner (partially of a dietary nature-some people assumed I was Jewish because I didn’t eat the pork-no I just loathe the stuff), he gave me a book titled “Why God Doesn’t Believe in Atheists”-but I’m not an atheist (nor do I subscribe to any traditional religion). He just assumed I was-hugely condescending and presumptuous.
“Mom, I love you and I know you mean well, but if I get one more copy of this magazine in my mailbox–EVER–you’re going to be a proud subscriber to Blue Boy. Do not test me on this.”
Those of us who want to take revenge and those who say that she means well and you should just shrug it off are probably all projecting our own moms onto the situation.
Some mothers will become obsessively controlling if you don’t nip the problem in the bud. Other mothers may try only once or twice with something mild like this – not realizing what a pain it can be.
My mother was in the first catagory. I kept giving her chance after chance and being the good daughter when I should have been drawing and enforcing boundaries when her behavior became more and more cruel through efforts to undermine and control.
