I really don’t know why I’m starting this thread. I guess because all of my friends are at work, and I feel like I have to tell someone. She was sick for awhile, but I really don’t know what I’m going to do now. On some level I thought she would make it. I have some of the presents she had me get my fifteen year old sister for Xmas and I just don’t see how I’m even supposed to give them to her when the time comes. I keep focusing on that - should they be wrapped and held until the 25th? That just seems weird. I feel numb and raw at the same time. I’ve known people who died before, but this is the first person who I was really close to. People who’ve been there, how do you get over this kind of thing?
I’m so sorry for your loss, please accept my sincerest condolences.
I haven’t lost my mother yet, but I did lose my FiL. The only advice I can give you is to take it one day at a time. The pain will never really go away, but will eventually mellow so that you can get on with your daily living.
I’m sorry.
It does take some time. Sometimes months, sometimes years. You never really stop thinking about them or missing them sometimes. My dad died eight years ago and I still sometimes dream of him.
But over time, it will get better and you won’t feel as numb or sad. I know that’s got to be hard to believe right now, but it’s true.
So sorry for your loss. Many hugs for you.
I am so sorry for your loss 
When my grandmother died, I was in shock. Her death did not settle in (it still hasn’t, really).
I suppose it’s best just to keep your mind off things or perhaps think of and celebrate all the joy that she brought you during your lives together.
Oh, Omega, I’m so sorry for you and your sister. My mom passed away in '90 and I still miss her sometimes. Over time, it will change so that it doesn’t hurt so much. Give yourself plenty of time and space to grieve, cry it out, whatever it takes.
I know what you meant about the gifts. I had purchased a statuette for my ex-husband’s Mom this summer, but she passed away before I could give it to her. It’s still sitting here in the bag - I don’t know what to do with it now.
{{{Omega Glory & sis}}}
I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending you good vibes - I’m glad you’ll be there for your little sister and I’m glad she’ll be there for you.
No matter how you handle this, it will be the right way for you.
(()) (you can save the hug for when you need it)
I have lost both parents, my mother very unexpectedly and my father after a long illness. I don’t think you can ever be ready for it, even if you think you are.
So – give yourself permission to be a little nuts for a while, and be very gentle with yourself. You’ll find yourself real talkative about some weird topics, and have nothing to say about others. It’s okay.
Re: your sister’s presents – hold onto them for now. It may be that you’ll want to save them for Christmas – it may be that you and she will be alone at some point and you’ll want to give them to her then. Play it by ear.
My very best to you as you go through this incredibly challenging time.
I’m very sorry for your loss.
Thanks everyone.
NinetyWt, I understand what you mean. I’m so glad that I hadn’t had the chance to get her anything yet. It’s bad enough being in her house with all of her stuff.
Twickster, you’re right. I shouldn’t make any decisions now regarding the gifts. Or probably any big decisions at all, since it’s like being crazy and sane at the same time. I’m all ready in the talking about weird stuff stage. I must have said a hundred things this morning.
Omega, that’s terrible! I’m so sorry to hear it, but glad you could share it with us and I hope you can find some comfort in talking here.
Omega, I’m 25 and have lost both parents in the last 4 years.
I would hold the gifts until Christmas. It will be bitter sweet, but you sister may be yearning for the comfort in the routine of every other Christmas and wish for nothing more than a token, a gift from your mom. And what do you have behind your back for her.
It will give the gifts so much more meaning and weight.
I don’t know. I just feel like it would be a good thing for your little sister. If my big brother said, “Psst. Hey. Mom wanted you to have this for your birthday.” And gave me something from her, holy crap, I would be so happy. Sad, yes, but any item, no matter how mundane is so completely cherished. It’s new. It’s something she doesn’t know about yet. It’s like one more thing from Mom. You’ll find that you will learn more about your mom now than you might have. For your sister, this could be one of those things. Your mother intended for her to have those things on Christmas, so it should be given to her on Christmas.
Keep it together as best as you can and be there for your sister. I have 5 older brothers, 4 of them are more than 20 years older than I am, and I felt like they had their own lives and didn’t consider what it was like for me to have lost my mother. They got an extra 20 years with her and I felt robbed.
Not that your sister would ever resent you, but things like this can easily create a rift in a family. Especially if the person who has died was the glue. That’s how it was with my mom (she died after my dad). Just be there for her as best as you can, she’ll be there for you too.
The numbness can last years. Grieve when you are ready.
I found that talking about something funny, or cool, or special they told you or that you learned from them helps.
Hang in there, Omega.
I’m very sorry for your loss. I lost my mom 10 years ago. It was very rough and the holidays are still sad for me.
Regarding your sister and the presents, I think you can make this Christmas a little less painful by waiting until then to give them to her. You two can spend time talking about her and the little things she did to make the holidays special. It will probably make you cry, but I found that focusing on the good memories I have makes it bearable. No one can take those memories from you. I find great comfort in cooking in my mom’s kitchen, with the ancient utensils, sometimes I put her old apron on, just because she only wore it during the holidays. Weird little things, but it makes me smile, despite her absence.
I wish you and your family peace.
I’m so sorry for your loss. My sympathies to you and your sister.
As for dealing with the loss, it takes time. You mention feeling numb, I recall that feeling myself when my father died suddenly. You will gradually come to terms with what has happened. For weeks afterward, I kept thinking I saw my dad in public places, out of the corner of my eye. When I would look closely, it would be a man about his size, or had similar glasses or something. It never failed to make me sad all over again. This has faded now, but I still miss him.
{{{Omega Glory}}}
All I can suggest is you think of the good times you had together.
I am so sorry to hear your news. Nothing I can say will make your loss less, but I will say that you are in my thoughts.
What horrible news! I’m so sorry to hear it. I hope you have a source of strength and peace to help you through this.
I know you don’t know me, and nothing I can say will make this easier on you, but I want you to know that you and your sister are in my thoughts.
I am very sorry for your loss. I’ll keep you in my thoughts as you deal with the inevitably difficult coming holidays.
I’m so sorry for you and your family. Be gentle with yourself.
As cliched as it sounds … one day at a time, brother and/or sister.
You get up. You deal with your day. If things don’t go well that day, if your emotions get the better of you and you just don’t know what to do, you just have to remember that tomorrow is on its way. Get up. Start a new day.
Live your life. I don’t want to sound overy presumptuous, but I’m sure that’s what your mother would have wanted you to do.
You have my condolences.
I’m so sorry. When my first husband died, an elderly relative who had lost her husband gave me some advice I’ll never forget – “Don’t let anyone tell you how you should feel.” That helped a lot, especially on the days when I wasn’t as sad as I thought I should be. There’s no “normal” way to handle grief, I think it what she meant.