My mother is having psychic flashes, should I worry?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I was on holiday last week. Since it was the middle of the hayfever season, I spent as much time as possible indoors, watching Space: 1999 on DVD and shouting “Keep the bloody noise down!” at passing beetles. Well, it keeps me entertained.

Anyway. Early Thursday evening, the phone rang. I get up to answer it, and the conversation started off something like this:-

Me: Hello?

My mother: … Hello?

Me: Hello, mother.

My mother: I wasn’t expecting you to be in!

Me: … Then why did you phone?

It sort of went downhill after that. My mother was planning to leave a message on my answerphone to get me to call her. Her reason for this? Since we’d last spoken (Tuesday evening), she’d had two strange dreams about losing me (in the “where did he go?” sense, not anything more sinister), and she wanted to know if I was all right. So, I assured her I was no worse than usual, and she rang off.

This is a development which worries me slightly. I’m not inclined to take my mother’s psychic messages seriously; our family has a notably poor track record when it comes to the paranormal (exhibit #1, Auntie Peggy, who drinks gin by the pint to keep her clairvoyant powers up, and who once managed to guess my star sign in only four tries - it is impressive, in a way, when you remember she knows when my birthday is). So, I’m not concerned that this presages some Doom looming over me…

… or am I? These psychic messages are alarming my mother, and when she is alarmed, she has been known to do silly things. I have not forgotten that last year, when she called unexpectedly at my flat while I was out, she persuaded herself and the police that I was dead, and got them to drill out my door locks to recover my body. If she is seriously concerned for my well-being… I can see my life becoming difficult.

So. Um. Anybody got any tips on preventing precognitive dreams in elderly women? I think she’d object if I had her exorcised, but I’m willing to consider any other methods. Any ideas?

2

A good, swift wack over the head with a mullet should do it.

3

Hmmm, could you make a point of calling her at the same time every day? Maybe she is just lonely, and that manifests itself into these bizarre dreams she is having.

4

Kind thought, Lyllyan, but my mother actually has a much more active social life than I do… if I tried to call her daily, it would clash with the bridge evenings, the Women’s Institute, the Church Council meetings, and goodness alone knows what else.

5

Well maybe since the gin works so well for Aunt Peg, wouldn’t it have the same effect on your mom?

6

miamouse, the gin encourages Auntie Peggy’s psychic pretensions (try saying that quickly after half a bottle of Gordon’s) - which is precisely the effect I don’t want.

Besides, my mother is a pillar of the local church and community, and, as such, only drinks Remy Martin. Keeping her drunk all the time could get pretty expensive.

7

Your mothers dreams are too banal. Get her to eat more cheese before bed, fried if possible. You want her to stop dreaming about you, and start dreaming about some properly weird stuff instead.

If she dreams about biting undone the buttons of the shirts of vampires before stabbing them with their own ironically silver jewellery, it will be the vampires she seeks to communicate with. If she dreams about flying a lego helicopter to hunt down airborne pet fish, it will be from the managers of the pet shop and the toy shop that she will seek an explanation.

(first dream mine, second dream my friend David’s)

8

Hmmmmmm…since Miss Cleo is pretty much out of the psychic picture now, maybe your mother has a promising new career.

One piece of advise, if you go to the mall with your mother, do not wander off. Then, she’d be right (she lost you) and you’ll never live that down.

9

I suggest you get a mobile phone, give your mother the number, and leave it on your person and charged at all times. A little inconvenience from time to time might provide the reassurance she needs.

10

Why not just fake your own death and be done with it, she’ll feel exonerated, and you’ll be free.

Is that the sort of advice you wanted?

11

Got to admit, I like that one. It’s got a kind of ruthless efficiency about it. You have to admire ruthless efficiency.

12

She had to drill out your door locks?

:eek:

You could give her a key.

13

Nah. Don’t do that because then she’ll show up in the middle of the night to make sure you’re still breathing.

14

No, no, no. :rolleyes:

LolaCocaCola–sweetheart. A mallet is what you want.
A mallet is a big, wooden, hammer thingy, used by the 3 Stooges & numerous cartoon characters to bash people on the noodle with.

A mullet is a dumb, 70’s vintage haircut.

And we wouldn’t want to bash somebody’s mother on the noodle with a dumb 70’s vintage haircut, now would we? Hmmm?

Just ignore her, folks. When she gets like this, she lays down for a while, I pat her hand, & then she feels much better.
That, & the Prozac. :smiley:

15

Oh. I thought the “mullet” was deliberate, and meant the fish, not the haircut.

(No, the thought of hitting my mother on the head with a fish doesn’t strike me as all that strange. Unconventional, perhaps… but if someone thinks it might work, I’m ready to give it a whirl.)

16

Red mullet or grey mullet? There might be a difference in result.

17

Clearly a subject for further study. There might even be a research paper in there somewhere… “Comparison of Paranormal Inhibitory Factors in Cranial Impact Tests: Parupeneus indicus vs Mugil cephalus” Think the Parapsychology Department at Edinburgh would go for that?