So that would be “liar shaming” then.
The other piece of the story that people seem to be forgetting is the part where he wants to continue the relationship and is “confused” when the author refuses to give in to the litany of methods he suggests that would effectively hide her body from his sight. Now he wants to have sex with her.
The whole thing just sounds ridiculous from beginning to end.
Nothing to add other than that I have not worked in a library in more than a decade and am rather proud of myself for immediately getting your drift anyway.
The whole thing seems unlikely to me. But perhaps it’s possible that I could end up in a similar situation to the man, if I had met a woman online and had spent enough time talking to her via the Internet or a phone that I was very attracted to her personality, and hoped I would be decent enough to be able to overlook an unattractive body once we met in person.
I very much doubt I’d have the guts to say outright “you’re too wrinkly”, though. If I did, I would probably have mentioned misgivings before.
Except for this part of the article:
They’d obviously met in person before planning a three-day getaway.
I assumed it was a Dewey reference. But 150 is psychology, which isn’t much to do with what this woman appears to do. Seems a bit insulting to psychologists.
I took faithfool in that comment not to be doubting that the woman had the “naked weekend” as its come to be known around here, but rather, expressing surprise (at best) that she’d do that with someone she didn’t know to some specified degree or other.
Yeah, I get that. I’m just saying my scenario is the closest to hers that I can imagine actually occurring with real human beings.
Ah, I didn’t read it as such. I interpreted it as just another detail in the story that makes the whole situation sound fabricated to a degree. If I’m not attracted to you, why the hell would I want to repeatedly see you naked and be close / cuddle with you, especially since we’re operating under the pretense that this is a romantic getaway.
I don’t think faithfool is making any sort of judgment call on the timing of the nudity, but s/he can feel free to correct me if I’m wrong in that assumption.
Let’s go with the author’s own words, shall we?
Dave said, “I have spoiled myself over the years with young women. I just can’t get excited with you. I love your energy and your laughter. I like your head and your heart. But, I just can’t deal with your body.”
It certainly sounds to me like he’s saying he’s preferred younger women in the past and had, apparently, ventured out side of his comfort zone by trying to hook up with a woman his own age online.
According to her, “He held my hand and toured with me on long bike rides. He drove many miles to come to my door. He made meals for us both and ruffled my dog’s happy head.”
Well, it is bike rideS, plural. And he came to see her, so I’m not sure if that was when one of the bike rides occurred or if that was another occasion. Also, you have him cooking dinner. Now, I suppose (like everyone on the Dope is bound to do) he went there to cook for her, but perhaps not. If those are all separate instances, I’d think that would constitute at least four dates. As such, her being a busy career woman and all, maybe they took place over weekends, so that could mean at least a month.
Therefore, my “monthS” might indeed be inaccurate. I’m all about the reading comprehension, so I apologize for inferring something the author might not have intended. Mea culpa and I’ll downgrade that to a month, singular, for veracity’s sake.
Here’s what was written after their disastrous weekend, where she asks, “So, this means seeing me naked was troublesome to you?”
I understand, being an old married woman and out of the game for a long time, that things are different out there these days. But, I’m pretty sure that people see each other naked in some capacity if they are trying to be intimate. Sure, maybe she’d gotten that far with just handys and BJs, but somehow I don’t think that sort of existence would be universal outside of a sect of fundamentalists. Maybe that’s your experience?
Ah, I truly must cop to this one as hyperbole on my behalf. I think my theory on that was she’d been establishing how close they were otherwise, yet completely omitted anything about that during their getaway. I just figured it would be there if it’d happened. So, yep, I was wrong on that front. I apologize to the author and her supporters.
This is not stated in the story. You are inferring it.
Do you know many humans? Especially of the female variety? I can’t stress how remarkable it is that you think that would be common, so I guess we’ll just let this one lie right where it is.
I’ll defer to Labrador’s succinct explanation of ‘he’s afeared of the awkwardness / now he’s so brave with the brutal honesty to a *international writer[//i].’ Not much else to say, when you consider human behavior.
But for the love of all that’s holy, is the confluence of these specific events that possible when commuted to the whole male populace at large? Or is anyone that could do this, in these particular situations, just an anomaly? Sheesh.
As I’m totally in favor of sluts, legalized prostitution and have never been one of those women who won’t claim the title if feminist, I have no idea what the fuck you are on about when I’m simply doubting the veracity of this woman’s story and calling her a narcissist. So, you’re full of shit.
Yes, Calatin has it right. As does Labrador when he further brings up how unlikely the rest of the conversation they had after the fact. I can’t imagine any person alive being so repulsed by someone that they won’t have sex with them, yet go on in lengthy detail about what cosmetic (Costumes? Really?) upgrades they can do to ‘fix’ the problem. Then the guy doesn’t understand how she can be hurt. :smack: I could only believe that last part if he was a poster here on the Dope.
“I put on my robe and wizard hat…”
True or not, I kinda have to feel sorry for any guy in his 50’s she’s ever dated… They’ve all got to be getting the stink-eye from every single person they know, particularly the women of a certain age.
Also, where are people getting the idea that they spent the entire weekend in bed? They planned a weekend away, and when it came time for bed, they got nekkid.
Maybe that’s just my teeny suburban library, where Whish It, Want It, Do It is right next to Civilization and its Discontents.
Back on topic, I’d bet that if we started a thread “What’s the Most Insulting Thing Said to You on a Date?”, it would soon be made apparent that the OP has lead a charmed life, even if the kiss-off she gives was a sworn deposition.
This isn’t about smooth versus wrinkly skin, it’s about thin versus thick.
Guy here. Old guy. Experienced enough to know all about smooth skin, old enough to be quite familiar with wrinkles. And I too am going with the ‘bullshit’. As others have said, it isn’t any single circumstance, it is the cumulative scenario.
They dated some indeterminate number of times, which included bike rides and preparing meals for each other. At some also indeterminate point scheduling an intimate – or at least close, alone, and undistracted – weekend seemed worthwhile. And right here I hit the first stumbling block. Are they Inuit? Does she routinely dress in full sleeves, pants, mukluks, and high collars? Surely their relationship, whatever it actually involved, provided ample opportunities for him to see her skin and notice her wrinkles. It’s impossible to imagine any way for him not to have seen her skin in full light.
I can’t imagine him continuing the relationship in the face of an un-attraction so great that it interfered with his libido. Even postulating a self-delusional “Well, I’ll see if I get used to it” on his part, at most I can only see that allowing for a continuation of the status quo. Or maybe changing expectations into a platonic relationship. Bike ride, no shower together. Dinner, but I’m going home after dessert. (And no, not that kind of dessert!)
So if I struggle to accept this unlikely scenario, I next have to accept these two people mutually arranging for an intimate weekend together. A long intimate weekend. Heck, if I were working through my “Maybe I’ll get used to it…” feelings, I’d hardly set up any such “next step”. At most I’d keep on with the dinners and bike rides, maybe a bit of extra wine after dinner, see whether anything else popped up, as it were. I sure as hell wouldn’t set aside three days alone until and unless I was quite sure how those days were going to go. If I had any inkling that I might not be attracted enough, I’d make excuses rather than make the trip.
Instead, we are asked to believe that our male companion spent three days in naked snuggling, even while the lady “attempted more intimacy throughout the weekend”. And he not only never got it up, but also never made either excuse or apology. So they’re lying there, she’s playing with some part of his anatomy, he’s thinking back over last Tuesday’s bike ride, and neither one of them says ”What the hell is wrong?”
I’ve had platonic relationships, but I’ve never had one with someone whose appearance squikked me out. And never had one without lots of communication and mutual support of the reasons that sex was being set outside the boundary.
So yeah, this story still sounds like BS.
What you just said sounds to me just like what I just said. I said “maybe it was a learning experience for him–he thought he could do it, but found out he couldn’t.” You said “he ventured outside his comfort zone.” Two descriptions of the same type of event, aren’t they? Where are you saying we disagree on this point?
The picture I have from the story is that they’d seen each other for a few dates, maybe done some “making out,” but had not been naked with each other yet. I don’t see anything in the story that indicates they hadn’t been “intimate” to some degree prior to the weekend. They hadn’t been nude, but this doesn’t mean they hadn’t been intimate. I don’t know from fundamentalism, and I don’t know how different things are in different generations, but growing up in the 90’s I experienced plenty of non-naked (indeed, fully clothed) “intimacy” (if you can call it that at that age). Are you saying that’s a very outlier-type experience? I’m surprised if that’s so.
That’s not true. I said it is a plausible reading, I didn’t assert it as fact. To be inferring it, I’d have to be asserting it as fact.
What I did (pointed out a plausible reading) is different from what you did (asserted as definitely stated, not merely as a plausible reading).
I know lots and lots and lots of humans, of the female variety, who communicate indirectly and avoid confrontation in the moment. I am similarly amazed at what you are saying, and am similarly tempted to ask you how many humans you know.
Yes, human behavior is remarkably illogical. But like I said, I wouldn’t be surprised if he wasn’t as directly brutal as portrayed (and perhaps even as she remembers), as it is entirely possible she drew these responses out with her questions.
Whole male populous vs single anomaly? I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “false dichotomy” before. I’m saying there are plenty of people like that, not that all guys are like that, and not that only this guy is like that.
That wasn’t what I meant, exactly. I meant that he might have seen what her skin looked like-- presumably, he’s seen her in short sleeves and shorts-- but he’d never touched her. There’s wrinkled skin, and then there’s skin that’s really loose.
I’m saying that pretty much the only scenario I would buy is one where she’s one of those people who has lost a lot of subcutaneous fat as part of aging, so her skin really hangs. It makes a difference in the way someone feels.
My mother is in her mid-70s, and fairly slender, but she still has her subcutaneous fat, so as a result, she looks quite a bit younger than she is. Not like a really young person, but if she told you she was 60, you’d probably believe her. She has wrinkles, around her eyes, her mouth, on her neck, but her skin doesn’t hang.
My mother’s mother, who is still alive at 97, looked pretty good until a couple of years ago, when she lost her subcutaneous fat over about 18 months, and she seemed to age about ten years. She seems very bony, and her skin hangs.
Now, I’m still inclined to go with BS on the article, but if there’s a kernel of truth, it may have something to do with the fat layer. Which is ironic, since this woman goes to lengths to let us know that she is thin. A little on the skinny side, if you ask me: if she’s 5’9 and 135lbs, then she has a BMI of 19.9. That’s on the low end. 18.5 is where underweight begins, and overweight is 25+. I’m more than 20 years younger than she is, four inches shorter, and I weighed 135lbs. in my 20s and 30s. I weigh 150 now.
I think y’all are over thinking this. Is it not possible that the lady has outer labia that hang down to her knees or a four-inch clitoris and the gentleman wasn’t aware of it until they got really intimate. That might throw a less understanding (or less horny) man off balance.
On a more serious note, I read the article. I don’t doubt its veracity, but I also don’t doubt that both parties have some serious emotional baggage and I would probably choose to avoid any prolonged interaction with either of them.
I apologize for the double post, but it’s also just as likely that the guy is the world’s worst premature ejaculator and he didn’t want her to find that out for whatever reason so he made up some bullshit excuse.
I’m going to only address this one point, as the rest has become incredibly tedious and I no longer give a shit.
There have been 33 respondents to this thread, including the OP. Out of that,
2 were non-sequiturs (although I’m not certain where Slithy Trove really stands – his last post talks about thin skins, so, hmmmm)
3 were joking
14 think the woman’s story is bullshit in some fashion
5 believe that if it happened to them in some capacity, they can extrapolate out it happening to (many?) others
1 skeptical look at the timing of her story in conjunction with her book (I think this meant he didn’t buy all that, but I want to be accurate and not infer anything when everyone else is simply doing “plausible readings”)
1 that I’m not sure about, but whoever is about the Turnip? 
1 apocryphal tale
1 shout out to the Dewey Decimal system
1 calling out of another poster
1 that can see both several sides of the story, so I guess he’s non-committal overall?
1 who thinks the whole thing is pretty implausible, but can see how parts could happen
1 set of tangential observations
1 that can believe the story, but offers up explanations other than the one provided in the narrative
So, from all that, separating the wheat from the chaff, the majority of humans in this thread, feel that the woman isn’t being totally on the up and up. It looks like about 18 or 19 to, roughly, 5. Who again, aren’t really commenting on the exact circumstances, but instead drawing “plausible readings” from their own life experiences and overlaying them on what the author said.
In that case, I can see why those few would believe that this is infinitely possible. I’m sure (sorta) 5 out of (getting closer) to 20 is a lot in y’all’s world too? Regardless, I’m going to stick to what the majority views as more likely and further use it to “infer” how many humans I know. Enough that I can see my own bullshit clearly and stop digging in my heels when it would’ve been so much easier not to bring my own baggage to the table, and just reply, “You know what? Although aspects like that have happened to me, there’s no way ALL that could’ve taken place like she said. And even if it did, it’s pretty unlikely that it would turn into a phenomenon or anything.”
But I’m crazy like that, what with my slut shaming and attending events for the happiness of others rather than my own. Obviously, YMMV. 
And on that note, I’m off to eat lunch.