How do I get to Carnegie Hall?
Practice. Ba-dum-dum. 
I’m 28, and not only am I the font of all office knowledge, but my wife occasionally thinks I have a near-doctoral degree level of knowledge about whatever short story she happens to be working on, which gets surreal fast:
“What do russian mobsters talk about when they play poker?”
“How long do you think it takes the scars from a branding iron to scab over?”
Well, you just did for starters…
Why does the porridge bird lay its eggs in the air?
My name is Google
I’m full of facts and more
I’m always there for you
Yes I think you’ve used me before
If you need to know something late at night
I’m available, I don’t bite
Please just ask me what you want
Please just ask me what you want
Please just ask me what you want
*
Apologies to Suzanne Vega
My husband called me this morning to ask me the name of Mia Farrow’s daughter that Woody Allen was involved with. Why in God’s name would I know that? In his defense, though, he’s not used to asking me stuff like that and stumping me. (Is it Soon Ye, or something like that???)
See, he asks you because you know! Soon Yi.
Is it faster to New York than by train?
Seriously dude, you missed out. If you were named Google you could have started a website with your name on it. And you would be filthy fucking rich right now.
Lobsang.com just brings up some stupid German shit. There ain’t no money in that.
Is the Dalai Lama right- or left-handed?
This really was my last Google search.
Germans have been obsessed with coprophagia for some time now. There’s a niche in that.
Huh. :dubious: Now, WHY do I know? That’s what worries me…why is my head full of this useless CRAP???
Because 90% of everything is crap*!
*or, more accurately, crud.
Maybe you’re related to me. We have local cop genes or something; people will ask us for directions all the time (as well as whether the blouse they’re trying on is the right size or they should try the next-bigger or to help them find a good watermelon…). I’ve been asked directions after having been in a foreign city for less than ten minutes and while wearing a huge backpack you could see over my head - the scary part is that I actually knew the answer.
My youngest brother used to snark at our stories of people using us as the information booth, until that day he was in Madrid with a day trip to El Prado. Five minutes after leaving the train someone asked him how to reach a place and he was able to provide three possible subway routes (all correct, we checked later). He’d never been in Madrid before.
Well someone needs to be equipped to win Trivial Pursuit. Might as well be you.
I know. I can’t remember what I did yesterday but I know Jennifer Aniston has a dog named Norman. :smack: