My nomination for Asshole customer of 2002 (sumitted for your approval)

It started when this guy- in my day we called them Yuppies-came up to the regiters and asked to speak to a manager. For some reason I interpeted this as a request to speak to a manager. Therefor I called I manager and informed the customer (aka asshole) that he would be up momentarily.

I go back to what I was doing. Customer/Asshole then mime paradoxyms of impatiants for the next 30 seconds, and when he cannot bear the tourture I am apparantly putting him though a second longer, breaks down and ask what he has to do if he’s missing a wallet.

Well, basically, what he has to do is tell me that’s what his problem is. Yeah that would be good. Now that I know that, I refer the question to Helpful Cashier Helen, who has the keys to the lost and found drawer.

HCH checks said lost and found drawer and does not find wallet.

HCH: “Nothing has been tuned in, sir but we could take your name and and number and if…”

C/A: “Well no-ones going to turn it in now! It’s been five minutes! I can’t believe no-one knows anything!”

After a certain amount of incoherent rant it became apparent he had left his wallet on a cafe table and walked out. And came back a few minutes later and it was gone. And this was our fault.

C/A: “And I had six credit card in there and 500 dollars in cash and I have to make a plane and…”
Oh. Excuse me. Here we were thinking you were some ordinary asshole and now we know you’re some rich asshole. We’re very impressed. And…we still don’t have your wallet.

I suggest he might ask at the information desk (although anything vaulable whould have been brought up here).

He storms off. 60 seconds later he storms back.

C/A: “Apparently they were to busy on the phones to deal with me there…”

Your kidding. You mean to say they didn’t just HANG UP on whoever they were talking to? They didn’t immediatly recognize that you were THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD and your problem, however self-inflicted, didn’t take precidence? What were they thinking?!?

I really shouldn’t leave the register, but I go over to info and ask if anyone’s turn in a wallet. Nope.

We don’t have it. We’d like to help you. We can appreciate what it’s like to lose six credit cards
:rolleyes: but we don’t have it. And we could do as much as we could do and take your name and…

C/A:" It’s been five minutes. No one here is helping me. No one here knows anything. Who’s the manager here?"

Okay. Because the manager will tell to something different then we’ve been telling you . Or maybe because you want to report the lack of customer sevice when we didn’t MAGICALLY PRODUCE YOUR WALLET OUT OF OUR COLLECTIVE ASSES!!!

Look. You left the wallet on a cafe table. You walked out of the store. Even if you wanted to blame Barnes and Noble for your misfourtune ( of course, being a bookstore, we have extensive crimminal background checks before you are allowed to enter, but occasionally a bad apple gets through) none of the people you’re yelling at had any damn thing to do with your wallet being lifted.

I can imagine being really upset if I lost a wallet with that much cash, but TAKING IT OUT ON PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE (and are actully trying to help you, you jerk) IS PRETTY MUCH THE TEXTBOOK DEFINTION OF AS ASSHOLE. ASSHOLE.

You miserable self-involved arrogent schmuck. I hope somewhere there’s a petty thief thrilled with finding that much cash in one wallet. I hope he’s spending it all on Papst Blue Ribbon. I hope he’s running up thousand of dollars on your credit card on farm animal related porn and I hope the credit card company won’t let you take it off your bill because they think you look like a guy who likes farm animal realted porn. I hope whoever lifed you wallet is also a computer hacker and ruins yous life, to the point where you have to take some miserable service industry job and have to deal with people like you for the rest of your life.

This is a thing of beauty.

betenoir MARRY ME…(I know you’ve got at least 500 bucks to your name, plus the odd credit card ) and you’ve got a bonzer sense of the ridiculous. What more could a gal ask for eh??

betenoir, fess up. Y’all split his $500 bucks, didn’t ya. :smiley:

Ya know, lost wallets always seem to have so much more in them…

I like this even better than the animal-related porn bit.

I’m familiar with all the pains in the ass that accompany purses (i.e. whatever you need instantly drifting to the bottom, having to find some place to set it in restrooms, “Carry this for me, will you?”) but I’m not familiar with wallet-carrying practices. Can someone explain to me why someone would walk around with $500 cash and six credit cards, with a plane to catch no less, and take it out and put it on a table? Is is really that uncomfortable to sit on?

It is for me :). Pity me, I’ve got a flat ass :D. I never sit on my wallet - At home, restaurants, in cars ( it gets squished between the passenger seat and the central console - very convenient ), at friends homes, even in movie theatres ( it sits in my lap or a jacket pocket if it will fit ). At work it stays in my car ( not a problem, I work nights with one other person in a secured area ).

However I’ve been doing this for decades and haven’t lost a wallet yet ( misplaced in my house sometimes, but never when I’m out ). And if I did, I wouldn’t act like some arrogant prick. But then maybe that’s because I only have four credit cards and rarely as much as $100 in it - Either that or I’m just not an arrogant prick ;).

  • Tamerlane

Therefor I called I manager
paradoxyms of impatiants
the manager will tell to something different then we’ve been telling you
Papst Blue Ribbon
whoever lifed you wallet
ruins yous life

Let me get this straight . . . you work in a bookstore?

Also, if one is traveling, it is not unusual for one to carry a large amount of cash. $500 is hardly “rich.” Not that that excuses the rest of his behavior, but really.

I expect he had $500 in cash because he was going on a trip. Of course, in hindsight, travelers’ check would have been a better choice.

Unlike Tamerlane, I always keep my wallet in my left rear pocket. I try to make up for my bad memory by being consistent. As soon as I finish paying for something I put my wallet back in my pocket where I can’t lose it. I haven’t lost my keys once since I got in the habit of setting them on the table by the front door.

Apparently, I have a wallet-shaped dent in my left buttcheek. I hardly notice my wallet in the left pocket, but if I switch it to the right it feels very odd.

For some reason I feel more sympathy for the guy who just lost 500 bucks than I do for the person who had to listen to him fret about it.

I have to agree, I think Id be off my hinges if I lost 6 credit cards and 500 bucks.

Yes, but he did spell "farm animal related porn " correctly.


Not the second time. :smiley:

:o I do know how to spell, really. It just goes down hill when I’m typing fast.
And I DO have sympathy and would be glad to listen to him him fret and help him anyway I could, if fretting was what he was doing. But when he starts off by abusing the people who are trying to help him (basically before he even gives us a chance to help him) my sympathy begins to dissipate.

And it’s not so much that I thought he was rich based on the contents of his wallet, it’s that that was how he was presented it- he was that important, so we’d better hup to it.

kambuckta, I’ve been longing for somebody on the board to ask me, and I would, in a minute, but I do lack one thing a gal might ask for- being that I’m another gal.

Thanks for the compliments, it means a lot to a beginner ranter.

Bwaaaaa haa haa Bucky, she’s all mine!!!

You work in a bookstore? drops to his knee Will you accept this gift of my undying love? From this angle, it almost looks like cubic zirconia!!

Don’t trust BalmainBoy betenoir. That *cough * cubic zirconia he’s got in his pocket is the one he offers to ALL the bookstore babes he sleazes after. :smiley:

He is SUCH a tart…:wink:

smile sweetly Excuse me, Bete baby, just for a sec?

Bucky! Back to bed!

Don’t make me come up there and get Mr Boogey Monster to help tuck you in!!

Now, where was I? Ah yes, what do you say to those creeps who write down the prices of the books and then brag they are going to buy them on Amazon? I always tell them THEIR books are on special because they buy the faulty shipments with the last chapter missing …

Is that something you get from the OB/GYN dude?

:slight_smile: So this is how you get hit on on the SD. Unbridled expressions of hostility. :slight_smile:

And here I was wasting my time in the oral sex threads.

Ideally it would be “Goody. Since you’re not a customer I can stop being polite to you.”

But I’m just to nice for that :smiley: .

Mr Winnie, possessor of the original George Costanza Wallet[sup]TM[/sup] takes it out of his pocket every time he sits down, and invariably leaves it laying around someplace. Which usually means that I have to pay for dinner.

I don’t understand why people put their wallets in their back pockets. It’s uncomfortable and, quite literally, a pain in the ass. I always put my wallet in my side pocket, along with all my other crap. In fact, I don’t use my back pockets for anything. Pain in the ass eliminated. Wallet and keys in the left (I’m left handed, which means I’m better than you) and Metrocard and spare change in the right (because Metrocard gates and vending machines discriminate against lefties, you see.)