My Nuts

Before I start, let me make a disclaimer.

(1) I am not claiming to be any more normal or less insane that those people I list.
(2) My thoughts of their weirdness does not mean that I don’t like these people. In fact, just the contrary.
(3) I would be honored, well maybe not honored but accepting, to be on someone else’ list.

A portion of the people I know who are really weird:

“S” Married for 5 years to her grade school sweetheart. Refuses to own even a plant because her and hubby fight over who will water it. Both refuse to cook so dinner can range anywhere from cold chili eaten directly from the can (pouring into a bowl and then into the microwave is “cooking”) or cold cereal. Stands, never sits at her desk to type. Acts like a spoiled child when she doesn’t get her way.

“B” Old virgin maid. Doesn’t listen to the things going on around her. Butts into conversations with very loud opinions of what she thinks is being talked about although she is usually way off base. Sits at her desk in a dress, legs spread apart, floor fan blowing toward her crotch for all the world to see. Very disturbing. Sounds like a stampede when she walks, snorts, is very loud in the bathroom :eek:, talks loud with “Oh my” inserted into every other sentence, and her sneezes sounds something like “Ahhhhhh poo poo poo poo pooo pooo”.

“C” (One acquaintance that isn’t a friend. I want to slap her silly.) Older woman who thinks she is “just dis cwoot widdle kid” (her words). Is unable to participate in a normal conversation.


Me: "That snow storm really dumped on the roads last night.:

C: “Yeah, well, I mean, OH MY GOD! I’m just like, I can’t believe it, it was soooooo bad, ya know”. (Said in a VER dramatic voice)

Me. “I was sliding all over the road”.

C: “Well, yeah, ya know, I mean it’s just like my son”.

Me: :::Blank look - thinking WTF?:::

C: “It’s just like my son who just put a new floor in his kitchen for $80,000.00”. (That amount has gone from $50,000 to 130,000, to 100,000, and now 80,000).

Did I mention she tells the most outrageous lies?

“H” Remember Eddie Echo on the old commercials? “H” is just the same way, even looks a lot like Eddie. “Hello, hello. How are ya? How are ya?” He also is a firm believer in little green men, government conspiracies, and almost had a nervous breakdown waiting for the dreaded Y2K disaster.

“R” Scratches his head, picks his face, picks his nose, or digs in his ears, then he licks his fingers. I don’t even want to know what he does on the toilet. He is like a self-cannibal. One day he will eat so much that he’ll just disappear.

“K” Says things jokingly that don’t make sense then laughs and laughs and laughs. It is really hard to keep a polite phony laugh going as long as hers. She also has gigantic boobs that she lays on your arm or shoulder when she talks to you. Gets in your space.

“A” aka J.C. (Junk Collector) very wealthy but can not see anything she owns on account of the 30 years worth of newspapers, magazines, empty cereal boxes, old show boxes, rotten Avon products, and everything else she hasn’t thrown away. Reuses bath waters, doesn’t flush the toilet until the end of the day, has exotic and expensive furniture stacked upon each other because she has no room in her huge house. The city won’t let her build any more structures on her property to hold her junk. Her husband moved out years ago because there was no more room for him. Drove an old stationwagon that looked like the Batmobile until it finally dies a few years ago with a billion miles. Perfect example of the miser who died a millionaire (only she is still alive). Old lady with dyed orange hair and purple cat-eye glasses.
I have many, many more but this is a start.

I’ll add a few.

  1. “G”: Parking lot attendant at the pay lot where I park on campus. Whistles at me every time I drive up.

  2. “A”: Married lady who lives across the street from my parents. Much like Diane’s “S,” is incapable of cooking, and says that she doesn’t plan on learning how to cook. She cannot even make Jell-o. Makes the 45 minute trip to her mother’s house nearly every single day to a) get food or b) spend the night when her husband is working the night shift. When she is away from her house at night, she doesn’t leave any lights on (inside or out) because she is “afraid something will catch on fire.”

  3. “F”: CSC 116 professor. Believes that the world revolves around him. Also believes that he is the only person on the planet who has mastered the ‘proper’ way to write programs in Java.

  4. “J”: Former high school teacher who decided to phone-stalk me for awhile last year. He was convinced that I would get nowhere in life with a degree in Computer Science, and was constantly telling me to drop my math/science courses in favor of “The Humanities.”

I’m sure I’ll think of more later.

ACK!!! Adults doing baby-talk. Annoying as hell!

Diane, great thread title :slight_smile: