My flatmate has OCD and asks me to check his car’s windows 2-3 times each to see if they’re wound up by getting me to touch them with my finger. He says his wife and the other flatmate no longer will do it. His wife’s friend refused to do it too. I said I was watching TV but he said to do it. I haven’t tried putting my foot down too firmly. In the past he’s said I’m a “good man”. For the time being giving up a minute of my time every now and then is ok even though it might not be good for his OCD.
You ever consider putting all his windows down, just to fuck with him?
Why are you enabling him in this? Tell him to go check his own windows or see a shrink.
He’s fucking with YOU. No OCD person worth their salt would trust anybody else to do their OCD work for them…that’s sort of the point!
So every time he asks you to check his windows, he’s pissing himself laughing, and probably posting on a messageboard or FB what a stooge you are.
HOW is he telling you to do it? Is he sitting right next to you and wants YOU to go instead of him? Is he calling you on the phone? If that is the case, just say “Yep, they are up!”
Why can’t your flatmate do it?
Come back and tell him that one of them is open, but you forget which.
I guess he’s watching to see if your finger comes to a stop when you poke at the space where the window should be? Try putting a big “X” made of tape on each window; then he can see from a distance that the windows are closed.
Why is he asking anyone but himself to do it?
Also, why did you agree to do it? Indulging his OCD will not cure it; that’s like buying drugs for a cash-strapped addict. The only solution is for him to pursue professional medical help; some combination of therapy and meds should help get his OCD under control.
WAG-the OCD kicks in if he checks but not if someone else checks.
If they are power windows, extra points for putting them all down, then pulling the fuse.
How much do you charge to check the windows? Hint: it isn’t enough.
If someone asks you once to do something like that, it’s only one minute. If they ask you often enough that you need to make a thread complaining about it, it’s a lot more than one minute. Here’s the thing, I too often go out of my way to do things for people. People who know me well will often consider before asking me for things because they know I’m sometimes too selfless with those sorts of things. Some other people, usually not deliberately, will end up exhausting me by my excessive willingness to help and they don’t even realize it because I seldom object.
Unfortunately, one of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn in my life is that there are people out there that take advantage of that sort of thing. The worst case was someone who would do things for me to make it seem two-way, but only so he could take more advantage of my willingness to help him later. And that’s why I quoted what you said, because these sorts of people can usually get away with taking advantage of people by giving compliments like “you’re a good man” or “you’re so incredibly helpful”.
The point is, you’re obviously not helping yourself, and even if he is just oblivious to it’s effect on you, you’re not helping him by indulging his obsession. This is the BEST case scenario you will get without doing anything, chances are, it will get worse over time. You NEED to put your foot down for both your sake AND his.
In the future, make an effort to surround yourself with people who will actually consider your needs and make an effort not to take advantage of you. This may actually mean you need to reduce your contact or even cut off long time friends or family. And when you DO need to engage with people like that or you’re unsure, learn to create boundaries. By all means, be willing to go out of your way for someone you love and genuinely has your best interest at heart. You don’t owe that to a stranger or to someone that is inconsiderate of your needs.
Speaking for myself, I’ve recently had to do this with someone I love dearly (is a family member, after all) but just isn’t in a place to consider the needs of anyone else now nor in the foreseeable future. This person is, of course, really upset with me for doing it and thinks I’m the unreasonable one for no longer bending over backwards, and just immediately jumped to someone else willing to indulge despite my warning to that person. But since then, I feel enormously less stressed. So, for you, dealing with something relatively minor with someone you’re not that close to, probably won’t give the same degree of relief, but should be easier to set up a boundary for.
. . . and then having to take the drugs yourself, rather than the addict.
Next time move the car a couple of blocks after you check the windows.
Rhetorical: Why do you have to touch them? Isn’t a visual inspection enough confirmation? :dubious:
Or tell him to put an index card in between the top of the windows and the frames, for the same effect.
Every time he asks you to check the window, go jog a few miles before you report back.
Eventually he’ll get tired of waiting for you to come back but, by the time he does, you’ll have shed that pesky belly fat!
Win/win!
I’ve never really understood the “he makes me do whatever” sentence construction.
Where is the mighty coercion? Why are you remaining voluntarily connected to somebody who exerts this irresistible coercion regularly?
Bravo, Johnny Bravo!
Or: Next time grab a hammer, crowbar or bat and walk out the door saying “Right, I’ll fix those damned windows!”
See how quickly he comes running after you.