My penis has been named. I need to get to the bottom of the choice of name.

This doesn’t really belong in the “euphemisms for the penis” thread…

This morning, my boyfriend/fiancé Jeremy started referring to a “Simon.”

As in, “We’ll see if Simon’s up for it later.”

Or, “Simon’s going to have a lot of work to do later on.”

Or, “Oh, does Simon have a little irritation?”

Finally, I asked, “OK, who the fuck is Simon?”

He said, “Your penis.”

Me: “You’ve named it Simon?”

Him: “Yes.”


“I dunno. It’s just Simon.”

“I guess I can go with that.”

But I need to know… why Simon? I don’t think he’ll tell me. Any ideas? Is it a “Simon Says” thing? Or (::shudder::) could it have something to do with the American Idol judge?

Anyway, meet Simon. Simon wears crewnecks only. I think Simon might be getting a little haircut later on.

Hello, my name is Simon
I like to do drawrings.

–Mike Myers as Simon on SNL

Simon says… ???

I think thats a way cool name for a penis!

Well Mine was named “The Meat”. Don’t ask, it’s an embbarssing story. Though it does envolve 2 strippers.

I think that’s something you need to take up with Jeremy.

First, I am thrilled that the illustrious, erudite tomndebb has replied to my post.

Second, I did take that up with him last night. For a very, very long time. I got to the bottom of one thing, but not the question at hand.

I still have no clue why my dick is called Simon.

It doesn’t draw, even in the snow. I have more dignity than that.

It doesn’t tell others what to do in a schoolyard game. That would be illegal.

It isn’t the cantankerous judge on a fluffy reality-TV talent show. Besides, if my Simon were British, he’d wear a turtleneck.

Why Simon?

Simple Simon, perhaps? This line in particular made me think of it:

“Said Simple Simon to the pieman ‘Let me taste your ware’”


Sigh, mon.

Is he Jamaican perchance?

The best name for a penis is definitely “Mjollnir.”

That said, I must point out that no name can describe the unspeakable glory and power that is My Penis.

I’ve always understood “Nigel” to be an excellent name. It simply rings out as an old-fashioned English butler’s name, doesn’t it?

As in, “How may I serve you tonight, Madam?” Or, in your case, a sir would be served. Or self-serving; I imagine Nigel’d be dandy at that, too.

As for Mjollnir, Already in Use, would it make any difference if the recepticle is named “Loki”? Just curious.

Why not Simon? FWIW, I think “Simon” is a cute name for a peepee. Could be worse - he could be called “Earnest,” or “No.” But if you don’t like the name, you should have named it yourownself. My husband didn’t name his, so I named it for him. (Not that you asked, but it’s called “Randy” for short.)

On preview, I must agree with Skip - Nigel seems like a good name, too. But I think “Simon” is perfectly serviceable as a name. Seems to have some personality. Is “Simon” fussy, perhaps, or a bit difficult at times? Does he look good cruising around town in an Aston-Martin?

I decided two years ago that my Dogo Argentino puppy would be named Simon.
Now I’m going to have to spend the next five months trying to forget about scott evil’s penis :frowning:

Only five months left!!

Can’t be done.

Let’s see, there’s Simon, the Ultimate Brain Battle in convenient pocket size…

There’s Simon Legree; have you been chasing after Jeremy with a whip recently?

I truly hope there’s no resemblance; if there is I’d re-think that webcam idea.

Otto, I do have a couple of pics of Simon I could send you.

You’ll see. You’ll want to watch EvilCam® even more.

Simon as in sigh-man?

Simon as in the shopping bot?

Or, to get biblical, Simon as in Simon Peter?

So what do you call it for long? :smiley:

[sub]The bad jokes just never stop, do they?[/sub]

Well, considering my first name is Peter, which is already a euphemism for penis, I could see Simon being an extension (insert pun here) of that. And Jer is quite religious.

But I doubt that’s what he was thinking.

piece of semi useless trivia

Peter is from the Greek petros meaning “rock”

rock + penis + fun time for all!

No, no, no! Rock+penis = chafing and/or bruised todger.

Could it be Simon Morley (link safe for work)? Can you do puppetry with your dangly bits? On second thought, don’t answer that. :stuck_out_tongue:

Funny…the only thing that came to MY mind was a segment they used on the old Pinwheel show on Nickelodeon called “Simon in the Land of Chalk”.

Oh I know my name is Simon and you draw the things I do, so take me take me take me take me over the ladder with you…