Holy Jesus F. Tap-dancin’ Christ there are some ugly cars out now. I mean just what are the designers thinking? Vehicles are going one of two ways: rounded or retro. As they become more rounded they just look more and more like big suppositories on wheels. And who really needs the retro thing? Then there are those vehicles that make you say, “Huh?!?”
Not to mention the completely useless vehicles out there. I mean what city dweller really needs the SUV that could carry one of each type of the other SUVs?
Here are my nominations for the ugliest/stupidest cars.
Audi TT: Butt ugly. Truly the suppository mobile.
Pontiac Aztec: Huh?!?
Chrysler PT Cruizer: What’s up with the Ganster Wannabe car? Does it come with violin cases? I seem to see geesers and pimp-wannabes driving these cars.
Mercedes Benz ML320: The “stubby” SUV. If you cross your eyes, it looks bigger. Try it. And I have a difficult time imagining Muffy and Skip off-roading on the weekends. Like those roads out to the Hamptons get really rough!
Ford Excursion: Truly the “My SUV is bigger than your SUV” vehicle if ever there was such.
Lexus, BMW SUVs: The “Sure your Ford Excursion is bigger, buy my SUV is more expensive” choice for the more discerning consumer. :rolleyes:
(Can you see I have this thing with SUVs?)
If you own one (or more) of any of the above vehicles, I don’t mean to pick on you (you are good people).
I didn’t intend this to come off as a pit rant against ugly cars. Honest. I’m hopefully giving my fellow dopers the opportunity to chime in and nominate their “favorites”.
[li] BMW Z3 Coupe - This one must definitely top the list. This I must say is BMW’s first major fuck up from a design standpoint on the aesthetic level, besides their line of bikes, which I refuse to even discuss. What can I say? Leave early eighties Japanese styling where it belongs![/li]
[li]Subaru BRAT - While I heard it handles exceptionally well for an older attempt at the SUV, aesthetically it is a nightmare.[/li]
[li]Saab 9000 - Good God! I understand that squaring off those smooth rounder corners of the 900 was shiek at the time but the fad went fast and you shall will forever hang your head in shame.[/li]
[li]Plymouth Prowler - Falls into the same category as the PT Cruizer. A poor attempt at restyling the classic look of a hot rod. Blech.[/li]
[li] Chevy Citation - Every year managed to look like hell.[/li]
[li] AMC Eagle - If you have seen this you know what I mean.[/li]
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Geo Tracker: The hideous bastard son of the Wrangler. Looks like it wads up and kills all occupants in a crash, but hey, great gas milage.
Second on the Chrysler Prowler: Stupid in that for $44,000 you get a 3.5L V6 and two seats.
Isuzu Axiom: I have a theory on the new wave of 7-passenger SUV’s, to whit: Since the “soccer mom” minivan stigma arose, the new baby boomer vehicle of choice will be these ungainly SUVs, after all, ya get to pretend to be able to off-road on the way to Westchester.
Toyota Celica: Shouldn’t a sports car sit low and have, y’know, horsepower?
I agree with all of the above except the Beetle and the Prowler. And the front end of the PT Cruiser is cool, but the rest of it is horribly ugly. Any lowered SUV or truck looks pretty stupid.
I find that the Aztec looks a lot like the dog-van in Dumb and Dumber. Anyone else notice the resemblance?
I also hate the Ford Focus and all the Chrysler sedans (make me think of fish). Im not a big SUV fan, though I do like the BMW one, and the Nissan one. The American SUVs aren’t that attractive to me.
I actually like the PT Cruiser - I think it’s an interesting car, but I was disappointed when someone told me it was based on the Neon’s frame. And I really like the Beetle - I just think it’s cute.
There are a lot of fuck-ugly vehicles out there, but folks, is there really anything to be said beyond the Aztec? Once Spritle mentioned the Aztec, the discussion was pretty much over, wasn’t it?
But, the worst Aztec is a YELLOW Aztec. Bright yellow, though of course much of the trim is black plastic. You know what they look like? They look exactly like a giant Sony Sports Walkman. Look at one and you’ll see what I mean.
Here are some photos to accentuate my disgust(BTW I LOVE the new photo search option on Google):
BMW Z3 Coupe Roadster - Cover the front half with your hand: “Honda!”, then the back: “BMW!” Clearly they were trying to appeal to the masses. It took them 25,000 miles and two years to figure out how ugly it was. Why are there so many stupid people with money?
I think it was called the Chevrolet El Camino. Someone had the brilliant idea of making a vehicle that was like a car in the front and a truck in the back. Oh well, I’m sure at the time they drew it up it seemed like a stroke of genius.
You want ugly? I got yer ugly right here. Truly, achingly, bizarrely, eye-burningly ugly. (I’m talking about the two on the right. What, you weren’t sure?)
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the 1974 AMC Matador Coupe. Take it, please. Please.
[sub]Hey Phil, (Can I call you Phil?) I had an ElC. The Cowboy Caddy. The Redneck Riiiide.[/sub]
Actually, if I look at it through the corner of my eye, it’s kind of cute. But trust me, the Trabant is the shittiest car ever made, and a helluva lot of 'em were made. In the future, archaeologists will know where a Trabant is buried because the grass won’t grow there, not because it’s an environmental disaster on four wheels, but because even Nature has a modicum of good taste.
I think the Trabant is charming! Check out some of the “Alternative Autos” in the link at the bottom of the page. Wooden cars, three wheeled cars, & a car actually named a Wartburger.
I think the Trabant is cute. I want two. One for each foot.
And that Mitsubishi RPM 7000 is one damn ugly car!!!
I was going to add to my list (but couldn’t think of the names) that truck (Nissan?) that looks like the fenders are bolted on from the outside. [Dr. Evil]Riiiiiiiiight[/Dr. Evil]
Saturn (which I love beyond most else) has decided to suck up some SUV market share with their new SUV (forgot name). Fugly. Just plain fugly.
I’ll have to look up pictures.
Hey, wishbone how does one use that Google function? (BTW, that Prowler link might get you into hot water; you may want to e-mail a mod to change that for you.)
My father claims that yinz on the west side of the pond have not been subjected to the Mercedes A-Class. If so, count yourself lucky. Looks like it stopped too fast and ended up almost standing on its nose.
Ugly cars…well how about any car/van/wagon sporting plastic wood grain panels?
Anybody remember KITT after his “makeover” on Knight Rider? Remember that? Big things sticking out all over. C’mon…someone has to remember that.
And the Flintmobile? I mean that was damn ugly.
Any of the Batmobiles from the 90’s movies. ‘U’-‘G’-‘L’-‘Y’, they ain’t got no alibi - they ugly.
As for sheer beauty, nothing tops the Mach 5…we’re talking Speed Racer here, folks.
Toyota had a van in the 80’s in the US market that was uglier than a Straight Dope nerd after a farming accident in which he put his/her face too close to the equipment.
Da Hummer - it be ugly.
The new Toyota hard boiled egg thingy car in the US is ugly even as a food group.
Put me down for “all Japanese cars”.
I remember the tweedlebugs had a pretty ugly ride too.
Starskey and Hutch Grand Torino: Yo guys…think you could spring for a pair of front rims too?
