My wife’s sister is back in town. She used to be a big swimmer, and she has these shoulders and anyway, she looks exactly like that liquor ad where the blonde bombshell weilding a broadsword is riding the polar bear.
She’s staying with us for a week.
Their cousins have all come over to visit, as well. There’s five or six of them and all of their names start with “J” for some unknown reason.
They are all tall, blonde, skinny and built.
They’ve all been hanging out at my house, and in my pool. This is good because they dote on my three year old, and help out my pregnant wife.
They really are good people.
All of them, including my sister in law all wear the very skimpiest of bikinis.
All weekend long there’s been all this nubian flesh in my backard and living room.
Every day I come home and they’re out there swimming and tanning.
I’m annoyed for two reasons: The first is that they are so unselfconscious around me, they obviously consider me safe. I’m obviously an old man to them. And, they’re right. I am safe. Not interested. Young nubile women sound more like a pain in the neck than an attraction to me, even if I wasn’t married.
The other reason I’m annoyed is that I’m the pool man.
Come home today, look at them playing in the pool and say to myself “Oh Great all that flesh and suntan lotion has to be playing hell with my chlorine and ph levels.”
I go down there, still in my suit, take some readings, look up and say “Ok, who peed in the pool.” They all giggle.
I’m serious. Somebody or somebodies been putting a lot of organic matter into my pool. Chlorine’s all gone, and the PH is about 6.2.
I dump chemicals in the pool, have a lousy jog because the temps 100 degrees, come back and they’re still there.
Now they’re all sitting around on my couch as I type this, talking (I swear to God) about how to measure breast sizes (Two of them work at Victoria’s Secret, (again, I swear I’m not making this up.)
Took the whole crew out to dinner. Me, my wife, my daughter, and the nubians and everybody just stared our table the whole time.
One of these J-girls goes to MIT, one of the others goes to Georgetown. So, they’re smart too.
Here I am.
This was my wildest dream at 16. Now I just don’t care.
I doubt you believe me, but I wish I had some peace and quiet. I’m getting sick of all these half-naked nubile girls hanging out here all the time.
