OK this is going to be a rant about many things, and I am so angry, that it may not be overly coherent at times, but I will do my best. I just really need to vent, because in the words of Homer Simpson’s computer; “Venting prevents explos-ee-ahn.”
I am in love with a girl, known around here as Upside_Down_Amber. And she is the usual kind of girl I fall for: an underdog. She is the scapegoat in her family, the black sheep. She has always been told that she doesn’t belong, she is too different, and different is BAD. She is inordinately blamed for even small things that go wrong in her life. Nothing she does is ever forgiven; the black strokes against her just keep piling up. She is constantly being reminded that she is a fuck-up, she gets no fresh starts or second chances. I have seen this before with one of my best friends and her family, and it has happened, to a lesser extent, to me.
I am beginning to think that her family’s attitude towards her extends to me.
I came home tonight after a pleasant evening out, and had to listen to two very nasty, sarcastic and hysterical messages from her sister, one of which was directed at me. This sister is my sweetie’s foil. She is “the good one”, and this is what sets up the whole dynamic for UDA, because of course there could be no “bad one” without a “good one” in the first place. UDA and sis are constantly being compared; UDA works for a notch more than minimum wage; Sis works for a living wage. UDA hasn’t finished school yet, Sis is on her way to a lucrative career. UDA is always clean and tidy, but she doesn’t really wear makeup, and she has a large build. Sis is a walking barbie doll, and is probably a size 6. UDA has debts from mistakes she made in the past; Sis is squeaky clean.
Yesterday, UDA’s mom called because the rent cheques for the year hadn’t been dropped off at the landlord’s yet. She said to hand them in downstairs, since those tenants are related to the landlord and would make sure they got to him.
When I got this message, I called UDA at work immediately and told her all of this information.
UDA forgot about dropping off the cheques. The landlord called Mom again, who called Sis, who made arrangements to drop off the cheques immediately, which happened to inconvenience her.
So I got home and Sis had said to the machine; “I would like to congradulate [kfl] on her good message-taking skills, because I ended up having to go 30 minutes out of my way to drop off the rent cheques, which were a week late,” among other things that were barely comprehensible, since she was so wound up.
I am so angry at her for talking to me like this, since she has only met me about twice. I would never be sarcastic to a stranger. I think it is very rude of her. Secondly, since I didn’t speak to her mother until about 8 or 9 PM last night, and I haven’t seen Sis then, I don’t see how I could have told her about the cheques, so I don’t see what any of this has to do with “my message-taking skills”. Thirdly, the fact that the rent cheques were late was not my concern, since it’s not my rent, and I wasn’t even here a week ago when they were due. I was in Ontario.
I am tired of everyone assuming that UDA and I are fuckups and I am angry that Sis assumes that all of this was my fault. The worst part is, I liked her. Now I don’t know how to be around her. I guess next time she shows up, I’ll just leave the room.
Why can’t we just get a break? Why can’t people just be compassionate and kind, rather than suspicious and accusatory? I am so sick and fucking tired of family who choose infighting over unity, because it feeds their individual egos. It’s like they’re willing to throw their own family members to the wolves to feel better about themselves. It’s sickening.