Brings to mind a couple of brickyard preachers back when I went to NC State. One was named Samuel. He had hair down to his ass, no shirt, and stood there and yelled and ranted. He always drew a crowd, and it started getting other brickyard preachers to crawl out of the woodwork.
One time there was another preacher there thumping his Bible at 1000 words/minute, and Samuel just stood there holding a dead chicken. The other preacher was yammering away about Revelations while Samuel would occasionally yell out “GOD MADE ALL THE ANIMALS!” and “GOD MADE ALL THE BIRDS!”
Another classic brickyard preacher was a husband-and-wife team. I don’t remember their names, but the wife was awesome. She dressed kind of like a plaid Annie Hall, and she would spit out her derision of sinner categories, and occasionally put in sound effects like that guy from the Police Academy movies.
“Let me ask you little QUEEEEEEEERS something…do your FATHERS know you like to SODOMIZE LITTLE BOYS??? God SPITS on you…SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT…and you’re going to burn in HELL forever IN THE LAKE OF FIRE!”
By this time she used the “IN THE LAKE OF FIRE” phrase so often, the crowd would chant it along with her.
"And if there’s ANYTHING worse than a little QUEEEER…it’s a LEZZZ BEEE ANNNN! (She choked out these syllables) Let me ask you LESBIANS something…do your MOTHERS know you like to LICK OTHER WOMEN’S VAGINAS??? God spits on you…splat splat splat…and you’ll burn in HELL forever [crowd]IN THE LAKE OF FIRE!!![/crowd]
Then she railed on country musicians, about how they make their livings singing about their SINS and ADULTERY and etc. God does not hear their songs. HE ONLY HEARS THEM WEEEEEEEP ING and WAAIIIIIL ING. Country musicians will burn FOREVER [crowd]IN THE LAKE OF FIRE!!![/crowd]
Then somebody from the crowd hollered “How about When Willie Nelson sings Amazing Grace?” She responded “COUNTRY MUSICIANS sing church hymns to APPEASE THEIR GUILTY CONSCIOUS! God does not hear their words. He just hears them WEEEEEEP ING and WAAAAIIIILL ING. They will burn FOREVER etc”
"So we’re both completely hammered on some Mogen David wine she had in the fridge, and Mom is complaining to me about my sister who won’t eat meat, and I’m explaining about saving the planet and whatnot, and she’s just not getting it. So finally I just blurt out, ‘Well, Mom, maybe she doesn’t like the way it feels in her mouth.’ And my sixty-year-old mother screams at me, ‘You mean to tell me that she can eat – . . . . . . [sub]pussy?[/sub]’ And then she looks at me and says, ‘Isn’t that what you girls call it?’
"And I tell her, 'Well, no, Mom, we say “snatch.” ’ Now you can just picture my mother going all over Lancaster County Pennsylvania saying, ‘Oh, no, it’s snatch. I checked with my daughter.’ "
We only have a few sometimes in front of Tower City.
They yell real loud.
They hand out tracts, but nobodys’ gotten creative with them.
I hold on to the tract til I am out of their cite, then ditch it.
usually, i may say, “I"m already a Chrsitian!”
Dame St. is new territory for him, he’s usually on the talbot street beat, the Dame St. guy has black hair and a thick Norn Iorn accent.
I think thats the same megaphone they use though. (Maybe the Anarchists borrow it also, not entirely sure).
It can’t beat the guy who sets up a microphone and speaker, Easel and poster paint.
He draws a series of rectangles, and divides the rectangles into boxes and spells out words as he does his speech (hint: they usually involve “AIDS” “WAGE” and SIN" in there somewhere). It’s great to watch it and shout out letters as if its a game of “hangman”, or if you’ve enough players, Wheel Of Fortune.
I’ll get to work on it right away. Currently, I just drop it and walk away with smoke trailing from my fingertips, but your way is more dramatic and leaves less litter.
Hmm, I wonder if an equation could be developed to show that a given amount of evangelistic zeal (as light is propagated by the photon and electromagnetism by the electron, I dub the particle that propagates religious fervor as the “moron”) is inversely proportionate to the number of brain cells or amount of showers taken.
Hmmm…I’m intrigued by your idea, gobear. The research presents a problem-you gotta feel for the undergraduate assistants who would end up approaching these people with questionnaires, or tagging them to track shower usage.
Okay I gotta have this one as a sig line. It’s just too funny.
TwistofFate I think I’ve seen that guy with the easel! Actually I know I have. They like to stand on Steven Avenue Walk right beside the Bay, catch all the people from the nearby bus stops and wandering down the street. Only ours also has a little stand not too far away with free Bibles on it. (That’s what the sign says)
The first time I saw him I actually stopped to listen because I was amazed someone would drag this board with paper out. Then I ended up stuck there for a bit because I was too polite when they came up and started asking me questions. At the time I was Catholic and they were trying to convert me to whatever version they believed.
Have you ever noticed that? Say your Christian they leave you alone but say you’re Catholic or whatever and they start trying to show you how that ideology is wrong?
I’ve stopped arguing with street preachers after I got into a long arguement with on about 4 years ago concerning evolution, and he gave me his phone number in the back of a prayer book. Rather strange day that was. he had a load of kids doing an interpretive dance of the sins of the “modern world” to Bonnie Tylers “Total Eclipse of the Heart”.
afterwards, he start trying to disprove Evolution, and when I questioned him on a massive logic gap (“Evolution is wrong, so Creationism MUST be right!” two of the kids stood up next to me and started talking to me about the street they were on…
I completely agree with these sentiments CJ. Especially the one about the “Okay God, enough of the humor, where’s the punchline?” prayer.
Anyone believing that God doesn’t have a sense of humor has NOT looked around at our world very closely.
Anyway, as the OP said, the only thing they succeed in, is in driving people away.
{heavy sarcasm}
I’m QUITE sure that God wanted his believers to act like nutcases in order to “convert” other people.{/heavy sarcasm}
I made the mistake of getting into a discussion of Leviticus with two Jehova’s Witnesses who came to my door. They were telling me that blood transfusions were evil, and that AIDS was God punishing homosexuals and hemophiliacs alike, which irritated me, so I asked the woman whether, if she was so keen on Leviticus, whether she slaughtered a lamb in the temple seven days after menstruation, too.
I was at my doorstep for an hour (too polite to slam it in their faces) until a neighbour saw what was happening and rescued me with a spoof appointment. Later that day they came back and shoved copies of the Watchtower through my door with passages highlighted for me. Thanks. :rolleyes:
