…if you get an INXS album, or maybe a signed photo of Michael Hutchence, then it is definitely the tools of autoerotic asphyxiation that you’re being given. They must know you better than I do.
(no offense to INXS fans, or to the now-departed Michael Hutchence, of course - but how often do you get to work autoerotic asphyxiation into a conversation? - not nearly enough in my opinion!)
Let it go, super_head. Let it go. The autoerotic asphyxiation thing is played out. 
Why would she give you a towelette? You could obviously get all the chocolate off without it. No matter where it was.
Excellent point! The plot thickens!
Why hasn’t she given you any prophelactics then? Maybe she’s on the pill…
Hmmm… the plot sickens…
Or you're rapelling down a cliff face in the rain, wearing your poncho, using the rope, and as you stop to take a picture your cheap carabiner gives. They mop you up with the wet naps.I won’t be able to sleep tonight if you don’t tell me this:
Is the moist towelette one of those that smells like Fruit Loops?
No, Cranky. These are the Royal Fingerbowl type. They smell like lemons. I don’t think I’ve ever smelled the Froot Loops things.
It’s still a BIZARRE ASSED GIFT, though.
Sleep well, but why the burning need to know?
You can never have too much autoerotic asphyxiation, Ogre. You of all people should know that.
However, I am inclined to agree that someone is cleaning out their car trunk. Nothing says “I care” like unwanted crap from your car.
I am, alas, not prepared to discuss my compulsive, uncontrolled sniffing of any fruit-loop scented wet-nap I run across. I’m not in a good place about it right now.
It’s OK. We can do an intervention. Anyone got any Apple Jacks?
I’ve got a box right here!
Cinnamon Toast Crunch, too.
Well, my guess is that at the end of the week, you are getting tickets to a Gallagher show. Although, I still haven’t figures out where the rope comes in…
The rope is to tie him to his chair so he can’t leave during the performance, of course.
I need to know what you got today
OK. Today is either the deal-breaker, or the most sinister gift yet.
I got a big ol’ bag of fresh fruit and a flashlight.
How thoughtful to provide you with a snack just in case you get hungry while you’re burying the body.
Is Gallagher coming to town? That really would explain things.
Man, tomorrow is gonna be a good one, I can just feel it!
This is so interesting. It’s like a three minute mystery. I’m hooked.
You are obviously about to go off on a quest that involves dungeon crawling and your secret santa is providing you with the supplies you will need.
Poncho = newbie armor. You can upgrade later in the campaign.
Rope = duh! Never begin a campaign without rope.
Moist Towlettes = This is the beginning of your first aid kit. Great for cleaning out minor wounds to prevent infection.
A Flashlight = a torch. You will need this light source when crawling the aforementioned dungeon.
Fruit = Rations.
Have fun. Be Careful. And NEVER split up the party!