I have been thinking about whether or not to post this for the past 2 months. But I think I will. Its hard for people to understand that I am “married” in a way. But not in the eyes of god, or by a church.
First some warnings.
This story is **verrrrrrrrry disturbing ** to some. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
I’m not skilled at making complete sentences or paragraphs, bear with me.
Okay with that said…here we go.
About three months ago my boyfriend(Matt) proposed to me. We are not a typical couple. Hell, we’re not even typical people really. He did not get down on one knee, there was no ring. He basically turned to me one night and said,“We should get married sometime”. My heart swelled with all the love I had for him. I couldn’t believe he would actually ask that. But I guess you’d have to know him to understand that.
So…after the proposal we discussed ways of marriage. I told him hand-fasting was something I always wanted to do. But he’s in no way Wiccan or Pagan and I’d just feel odd like I’m doing something disrespectful because I wasn’t a “hardcore” follower. So that idea was thrown out. He then said that we should slit our wrists and hold our hands and bleed together. This is the part where everyone says we’re sick and twisted.
Let me just say this. In no way are we suicidal. We’re past that stage in our lives. We’ve seen what happens when we do try to kill ourselves and the idea of suicide is just stupid to me.
So the plan was made. We were going to slit our wrists and bleed together. In my head I saw our friends gathering around and watching us. We’d say some vows or something, and I wanted a white rose that both of us would bleed on. Thats the way I pictured it all happening in a cute little ceremony that would fit us “wackos”.
Now the way it happened? Totally different.
We got totally plowed one weekend with Matt and his friend Brian. We were all sitting in my room drinking and talking. Brian passed out and me and Matt got to talking. We decided that that night was the night. We had to do it then. I started playing with one of my knives jokingly holding it to my heart. Then I put it to my arm and made a little nick. The wuss in me came out then. I was too drunk to even think about cutting myself. I got scared and mad. I wanted this done but I didn’t have the guts to do it. So we wake up Brian and tell him that we want our wrists slit. He makes sure we want this because he doesn’t want any repercussions. We agree and he starts on Matt. He takes the knife and digs into Matt’s skin and slices. But it doesn’t cut. Poor Matt has to go through 4 slices for him to bleed. By this time I’m feeling woozy and ready to back out. I don’t want to be sliced 4 times. I want one and one only. So Brian then goes for my wrist. One slice and I’m bleeding profusely. Matt and I hold hands and tell each other I love you while bleeding a puddle in my carpet. We then bandaged ourselves up and crashed for the night. But not before consumating our marriage.
We have been “married” for 2 months. We consider this to be real marriage though he has said we will get married legally in the future. I love him with all my heart and soul and always have. Whenever I tell him I love him more than he loves me, he replies “Honey, Nobody can love with the intensity of a madman”.
I like this way of marriage. The way I see it. Rings can come off. Scars are forever. And so are we.
Well, if it worked for you, and you lived through it, and you believe it has bound you together in the way that other marriage ceremonies do, then why the need to post about it, and why the angst about posting it?
Do you want other people to recognize your marriage? Do you want people to approve of how you did it?
I don’t mean to sound challenging–I’m just trying to get at what you want from this thread and your feelings about it all.
If being recognized as married is important, why not go get a piece of paper from a judge, too? There are plenty of people who go the courthouse route to fulfill some legal requirements, but then have their own ceremony (and it’s the one they think of as “real”) to make them married in a meaningful way.
My first reaction to your post is that cutting one’s wrists makes me uncomfortable for a variety of conventional reasons. Since you made through it all right though, my concerns are moot. The concern that remains is that you did it while drunk. Marriage isn’t something you should undertake while hammered. If you need alcohol to do it, then it should signal to you that (a) some part of you has doubts about getting married or (b) there is something wrong with the style of ceremony you chose.
I chose the wrong ceremony too. Mr. Cranky and I should have eloped because he’s too shy to have a traditional ceremony. We kept it to less than 30 guests, but I still didn’t think he’d make it through without passing out cold. Alcohol might have helped, sure, but if my groom has to get drunk to get through with it, it’s a signal that something is wrong. In our case, it woulda been the wedding, not the marriage, that was wrong.
I think it was totally cool - too bad you had to get loaded to do it though. I agree with Cranky’s point on that. This story may be disturbing to some but I’m not shocked in the least - basically it could have happened to me.
(I’m a big fan of people being themselves.) while I wouldn’t do it that way, go for it, have a blast. (And isn’t that from some movie…Natural Born Killers, perhaps? I’m awful at referances…)
Second, if you want recognition for it, go get the paper from a judge. The legal benefits come with that. The spiritual ones come from what you have forged with your husband.
Third, yea the alcohol part is not the best…watch that for a bit and if you’re comfy with it, go on, be happy live well.
One of the reasons we’re not getting legally married is neither of us is financially secure enough to do so. Meaning Boy-boy don’t have a job. Meaning, I’m not supporting my husband right now, because I can barely support myself.
I know alcohol put a damper on the ceremony, but its kind of part of our life. Now doesn’t that sound healthy??
So yeah, I believe I am married. Real “grown up marriage” comes later.
I don’t know why I felt the need to post about. A couple of people on the board have asked how I was married and had a boyfriend. My truth is out now.
My blood-brother’s are my brothers. Been that way for 13 years now. We act like brothers, talk like brothers, fight like brothers and plan things together like brothers. We are family.
My wife is my love. We are married, we are joined as one. We are family.
Be that way to each other. Marriage is a joy, and a pain. It is a journey together. Lots good, some bad. Think about it. Don’t cheapen the experience or pass it off. Love, live, and tell your grandkids about the scars.
Well, if thats the way yall wanted to do it, thats fine with me.I think it has sort of a native american air to it. Cool, but too bad yall had to be drunk to do it.
I know this seems kinda pointless, but what kind of knife takes 3 to 4 slices to cut anything? (please dont say you used some sort of kitchen knife or some $2.99 knockoff from the 7-11)
I really mean that. If both of you consider yourself married, then you are married. May your lives together be beautiful.
As for my feelings about the ceremony: well, you said that you liked it, so that’s great. It was kind of reassuring to hear you say you were “too drunk to think about cutting yourself.” Good! At least you don’t get more reckless and over-confident when you’re drunk.
Congrats on the nuptials. As one who was unable to legally marry her wife, I am in no position to criticize the methods others take to solemnize their unions, as long as the only blood involved belongs to the willing participants.
[mother mode]
HOWEVER:
For anyone considering doing something similar, think twice about it if you ever hope to take a job which requires psych clearance (usually to carry a weapon). Getting past a physical to become a police officer or FBI agent with scars on your wrists will NOT be easy. Just a passing thought. You may not be thinking along those lines today, but career choices change.
Wow, my friend said that native americans do that too. As for the knife. Its a little sharp pocket knife. It is sharp,but my friend wasn’t using the blade to cut at first. He was using the tip which isn’t very sharp. He used the serrated part on me thats why I opened up so easily.
as for ** Astro** ,we(husband and I) discussed the divorce already. We cut perpendicular to the first cut. Thus making an X.
be really careful, especially if that second slice is along the arm. that’s how you’d die of it.
i mean, a slice perpendicular to the arm will probably clot iself before you finish bleeding to death, but a parallel slice pretty much means lights out.
