Wow, hang in there, sahirrnee. I have read about the conflicts with your sister in other threads, and I would like to inquire if there has ever been a calm discussion about things such as her dog’s behaviour or if your interactions usually take place in the context of anger and shouting at each other. Because that isn’t usually conducive to to the other person actually listening and processing what you say to them. Would it be too late to try that do you think?
Have you kept any kind of record of the occasions when the dog has attacked the rest of the family?
I seem to remember you mentioning something about your mother planning to get them out of there at some point - how is that coming along?
Is it out of the question of your mother to join forces with you and go to the police together?
Anyway, I know you don’t know me, but please stay strong.
If I were you or your mother the next time that dog attacks either a pet or person, it would be dead. [or at best I would call animal control and have it removed for attacking on the grounds it has turned violent and needs to be put down.] Screw your sister. I can see not wanting to have a relative arrested but that damned dog has got to go.
[and I have shot my own dog for breaking training and getting violent towards another dog.]
I was hoping we could make it until my son graduates in 6 months.
So I called the cops, they can’t do anything because they didn’t see it. So I have to file a report with the commissioner, and as the cop pointed out if I do I still have to live with her until the hearing so it would probably get uglier.
She had left before the cops got here, but got back while they were still here.
So now the shit is going to start, or maybe not.
I only make $40,000 a year, I cannot afford to live in this area.
My mother just buries her head in the sand and expects everything to resolve itself.
Part of the reason I moved in here, besides my being sick at the time, was that my mother had an abusive bf and needed help with that. My mother is useless when it comes to taking charge of anything.
It’s always been on me to take charge, even when my sister had abusive BFs, I was the one who had to take care of everything.
Now I am between a rock and and a hard place, because it’s NOT my house I can’t take charge, my mother is burying her head and my sister is getting worse.
Well my sister said she wanted to force me and my son out, I guess she’s getting what she wants. I hope my mother is prepared to live with the fallout. Wasn’t it you (Cat Whisperer) that said once I leave my sister will start abusing my mother next?
If my sister wasn’t such an ass the dog would probably not be so aggressive.
If you are going to coddle a dog and talk baby talk to them when they are misbehaving they think they are doing good.
Personally, I think getting the cops involved was pointless. What did you expect it to achieve? You have been “assaulted” because your sister spit at you? Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds? For them, this is a basic family dispute.
Move out. That’s been the advice you’ve been getting since you’ve been posting about your issues with your mother and sister. Your relationship with her sucks. It will probably always suck. Your mother doesn’t stick up for you. She probably never will, because she doesn’t have the backbone. Or maybe she just doesn’t care enough. Either way, you’re letting them make your life miserable. Break away from the cycle of misery.
What do you think might have contributed to your sister’s behaviour? Is she getting any help for her issues? (by a psychiatrist, I would hope).
And to repeat my question from upthread: have you ever talked with her when your (both of you) blood isn’t boiling, and what was her reaction?
I don’t think it was (but I can’t say for sure, because I don’t remember). My advice is usually for people to leave an abusive situation, like the one you’re in now. Your sister might go after your mom next, but you aren’t responsible for what your sister does or what your mom doesn’t do to protect herself.
I have thought about it and the best I can come up with she hates me because I’m alive.
Honestly I don’t think anything can fix it and there is no talking to her.
Her husband and I tried one day and she spent the entire time running into the room to scream at me that I am a liar and an a bitch.
I think that your stubbornness to not do the obvious (get away at any cost) is making a compelling argument for the notion that you may be a drama queen who actually likes the attention you get when you start these kinds of threads.
Well sahirrnee, if that is the case, why do you fear that if you go then she will turn on your mother? I mean, if it’s you she hates, if you’re the “problem”, if you go, everything will be peachy, right?
But it’s not you that she hates. Probably, you’re the best thing to hate right now, because you are her sister. But the problem lies with her. So if you’re not there, she’ll have to go with the next best choice which is probably your mum.
The reason I asked you that question earlier was just an attempt to get some insight to what is going on inside her (twisted) brain, not to put you on the spot or anything. I sincerely wish you strength and I hope you manage to get out of there the soonest possible.
$40k is about the starting salary for a cop in these parts. It boggles the mind to think that for that little amount of money, they have to deal with life and death situations, PLUS the occasional citizen who calls to have her sister arrested because she spat on her.
But I agree. It’s the mother’s fault. She should have thrown the entire lot of you into the street a few years ago.
You, your son, your sister and her partner (and dog) are ALL living in your mother’s house?
Your mother is at her wits end trying to cope with the constant dramas?
You earn 40k per year and you can’t afford to live somewhere else?
Puh-leeze…gimme a break! Move the fuck out, ALL of you. You are all blood-sucking leeches living off the goodwill and mental health of your mum.
Stop playing the victim-card here: you are responsible for keeping this melodrama happening. Your sister might be a psycho (maybe) but you are just as mental for prolonging it. The family dynamics here sound way-off, but to be perfectly honest, it also sounds like you are getting into the martyr groove by whingeing about Teh Evil Sister (whilst forgetting about your own selfishness).
Quoted for truth. What the hell? You make $40thou, your kid’s about to graduate and you’re still living with your Mom? And complaining about living conditions? And you tolerate all this drama, not just in your life but in the life of your child, all in the name of living in a neighbourhood you otherwise could not afford?
You’re in a codependent relationship, which makes you just as responsible for the dysfunction as the other dancers. How can you not see it?
At this point it doesn’t matter who’s right or wrong, you are not doing your kid, your dog, your mother or yourself any good by staying. Your job as a mother and a pet owner is to protect them from harm, and you can’t do that living there.
I feel bad for your kid. You’ve done him/her a disservice by allowing (encouraging) this drama to go on, and teaching him/her that it is normal behavior.
I hope your kid is strong enough to be the one to break the chain on your family’s dysfunction. You can’t do it, your mother did it to you, and now it’s being carried on.