When I have really bad gas a little while after eating dinner, what meal am I smelling?
Welcome to the Straight Dope Message Board.
Yours is a deeply philosophical question which probably doesn’t have a factual answer, even given the strict criteria specified in the OP. Let’s try a mathematical approach.
Let t be the elapsed time since your last meal (in seconds) and let t-1 be the elapsed time since breakfast. If v is the escape velocity of the bad gas and d is the distance of your nose from your anal cavity then let a be the volume of air in the room, unless you ate dinner in the kitchen in which case my calculations will be up the creek.
The meal you can smell can be defined as:
(t-1) - t times v /(d + a)
This value is known to mathematicians as broccoli.
Breakfast or Lunch.
Is ‘dinner’ eaten at midday, or in the evening in your locality?
Insanely funny. Thank you!!
Maybe funny but wildly and stupidly mathematically incorrect.
Chez Wildly assumes that broccoli has been consumed by the OP, he further omits to take into account any or all beverages that the poster may have drunk, this as Stephen Hawkinge himself has proved, has a very deep effect on all anal emissions of methane gas.
One such example of his is given as under, please bear in mind that the equation b-0 relates to all beverages other than milk, which as a foodstuff is defined as f+1
(t-1)(b-0) times v-10 added to this we have possibly (f+f+1)
Meaning that the smell is that of a skunk covered from head to foot in rotting vegetation, usually banana leaves or in very rare instances ganja
Its always nice to see someone recognize the achievements of lesser known Steven Hawkinge, the liquo-phartologist.
Look, I don’t want one of those interminably esoteric arguments between qualified mathematicians that constantly clog up this forum. But if you insist:
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I did not assume the OP had eaten broccoli. I proved it conclusively. No other solution is possible.
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My solution is incorrect. One of my minions crucially omitted a decimal point from the value v (escape velocity of gas from anus).
He has been dismissed from my service and I personally have recalculated the meal eaten by the OP as 3.142 which, of course, is pie.
Chez I’ve spoke to Stephen (yes I am in contact daily) and he concedes the point, you are correct.
He directs me to tell you that you are one clever bugger
I agree. Chez, you crack me up sometimes.