My Son Has To Have Skull Surgery, Again :(

So my 12 year-old son, of whom I’ve spoken here often, went last week for a routine CT scan of his head. He was born with a Chiari Malformation Type II, which essentially means that his cerebellum (base of the brain) goes too far down into his neck, to the C2 level. This has caused many complications for him- when he was between 6 and 9 months old, it impeded his cerebral spinal fluid and his head got quite large. He didn’t develop hydrocephalus because the ventricles enlarged to compensate, thank og, but nevertheless it did cause him to be delayed in his gross and fine motor skills. At 18 months, he had a surgery to remodel his skull, so that his cerebellum was no longer being pressed on and the fluid could flow freely. Since the first surgery, things have been going relatively smoothly. He caught up with his gross motor skills, he’s still working on the fine motors and gets therapy for that, and otherwise he’s been very healthy and normal.

Or so we thought. The latest CT scan shows that his cerebellum is being impinged on again, which does explain his recent spate of headaches, and he is being scheduled for surgery next week at the Barrows Institute in Phoenix, where he had his first skull surgery. I’m very confident, as his doctor and Barrows are both world-renowned for their expertise and successes with this.

Last time, I and a couple other family members went to Phoenix with him, stayed at the Ronald McDonald house, and I was able to spend most of the week that he was there right beside his crib-bed, holding his hand. I still remember how his whole little face and head swelled up and how scared I was that he was in pain but couldn’t express it- but I guess they did have him on some pretty heavy pain meds since he doesn’t remember anything about it now.

This time, however, I’m not going to be able to be with him. I’ve tried and tried to make it so, but I just started a new job 2 months ago, and while my employer is understanding and willing to give me the time off, I’m not eligible to be paid for it. I just keep coming back to the fact that if I don’t work, I don’t get paid, and therefore we get evicted, car repossessed, etc. My mother and aunt will be there with him, and he understands why I can’t be there with him the whole time- I will be there the day of the surgery, but have to go back to work the next day. I’m sad about it, but I’ve accepted that this is the way it is, and just trying to focus on him and his fears, which mostly include being in pain afterwards, and being away from home for ~10 days.

Any words of encouragement for me or him would be greatly appreciated!

Oh, that’s a toughie. I’m sorry. It’s clear what you have to do, but it sucks.

I am sorry to hear your news. Sending out a wish for a gentle surgery and a speedy recovery!

Thanks, both of you. I think it’ll be okay- I will be glad for this to be over, for sure, and the doctor says this will most likely be the last surgery for this that he’ll ever need, so I’m focusing on the positive. Posting about it really does help with the processing and the anxiety.

Focus on the fact you have family willing and able to step in when needed. While of course you’d prefer to be with him yourself, isn’t it at least a little bit reassuring to know that, no matter what, he is surrounded by multiple people in his life who will do everything needed to care for him?

Best wishes, Alice the Good. Please keep us updated.
-D/a

Oh, definitely. It’s more than a little bit!

Good thoughts and hugs.

When is it scheduled for?

I am sorry you are having to bear this. I know sending a child into surgery is a very difficult thing to do. I’m just trying to think creatively … is there any way you can get the day or half-day off without sacrificing the income, such as a pay advance from your employer or a number of friends and family chipping in to help cover the lost income?

Tuesday morning. We’ll be leaving here early am and going right to surgery at 7 in Phoenix.

Go out and buy 10 tiny little gifts that you know will appeal to him. Wrap them all, and have his aunt or grandmother give him one every day so he knows that you are thinking of him … I got 14 or 15 big-little books when I was 5 and in hospital for pneumonia. I actually found one of them the last time we were at my mom’s house, in a box of my crap that survived the fire. Another time I got stuck in hospital for a couple days I got a viewmaster and a couple of Disney discs.

Since you know his tastes, it can be really neat. I gave one of my goddaughters a bunch of those little finger puzzles when she had her knee worked on and was stuck in bed for a couple weeks. I got her hooked on ‘blacksmith’ or wire puzzles. Another cute thing is to [if you had the time to do so] go to a custom jigsaw page, and get a custom jigsaw every day with some nice message and pictures on it.

I think he would like anything from you, it would help him not feel so abandoned. I know that he knows rationally that you have to leave to go back to work, but the tiny little furry animal that lives in his back brain will feel abandoned. I know that when I am feeling really crappy, I know mrAru has to go to work, but I really would love it if he could stay home to cuddle…

So not mundane and pointless, Alice the Goon! Keep courage with you, and aruvqan’s 10 fine suggestions for your brave boy. He’s still in the good care of good family, and your thoughts are with him. Kudos for your skilled multi-tasking of being in two places at once.

Sometimes the head’s gotta rule, and that’s okay. You’re being a good mom. A very good mom.

That is a very good suggestion, aruvqan- I will do that, thanks! I thought about sending a PSP or something with him, but I doubt that he will be that able to play it. I still feel horrible about the whole thing, but I am very glad that other family members will be able to be with him, so I’m just focusing on that. Today I’m able to tell him that his two adult brothers, who he adores, will be able to go up there for him for a day, so that makes me feel somewhat better.

Today we did all of his pre-op testing, and so far so good, unless his bloodwork comes back abnormal, which I seriously doubt. I don’t know if you can bring food into the PICU, but I’d like to take some of his favorite junk. Thanks for the encouraging words!

Wishing you guys the best, Alice The Goon.

Can you take at least one day off? Two? Maybe not the whole 10?

From the OP:

Sending good vibes to your son Alice - I hope it goes as well and as painlessly as possible for him.

Do they allow computers in the recovery area? The hospital that my parents “frequent” has WiFi in all the rooms. If you et that there, you could set up video chat. If you don’t have a laptop ask around. Lots of people have something they could lend out, especially for a medical situation like that.

Work on it in advance to make sure you have the kinks worked out.

-D/a

Well, it’s Tuesday. Thinking good thoughts.

Would he like a card?

Surgery ended hours ago, but I just got to a computer. He did well, no complications. His head and face are very swollen- it’s hard for me to look at him like that. Very hard. He’s sleeping, and will be heavily sedated for the next few days, but he does wake briefly and knows that we’re here. I was able to work it out to take the rest of this week off- yay!- and I’ll work on Saturday, which I don’t normally do, to make up a little for it. That really eased my mind, to be able to be here until Friday night! I’m working on getting a laptop for him for when he’s awake and aware, at least just for something for him to do. Cards would be awesome- I’ll PM you, Yllaria!

Thanks for the update, Alice and all the best to your son.