My son tried to kill himself

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
81

God bless you Welby, and please know you and your family are in our prayers.

There’s nothing I can say that hasn’t already been said, and nothing I can do that will ease your burden, but please know that I would if I could.

Your son is in a dark place that’s not exactly unfamiliar to me. There was a point in my life when I was about his age that my whole world seemed to be crumbling around me. I struck out, but being small and weak my physical violence towards others and myself usually was met with laughs and indifference. I wish I could say that I’ve never wished harm upon anyone else or my parents, but that would be a lie. Thank God that my parents intervened when they did, though. I respect them now more for having the guts to what they did to make me face my actions.

Please take comfort in the fact that you may one day be able to laugh and smile again together. Please don’t forget the love you’ve always felt for him. It was my parents’ love that finally broke through to me and brought me back to reality. I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult it must have been for them to allow me back into not only their home, but also their hearts. He may have given up on himself already, but please don’t let yourself give up on him.

God Bless.

82

I don’t know if you are already using this resource or if you have anything lined up for after this weekend, but Farifax County Community Services does provide mental health services for juveniles. You can find them at http://www.co.fairfax.va.us/service/csb/mhs/mhservices.htm

83

Hey, welby, if you & the mrs. feel the need to get out of your house for a few hours, you’ll be welcome at our place.

84

BTW: I exepect to be home all weekend and am in the book. If you call and get the disconnected message, that’s just our machine.
:slight_smile:

85

Oh, Welby, I am so sorry. All I can say is that your posts seem fair, common sensical, compassionate and practical. You appear to be dealing with this scary, angering, confusing and painful situation with thoughtfulness and your actions seem appropriate. I hope I would be able to do the same, but I am not sure I could. Please continue to be strong, seek support in whatever way you can that is healthy (now is a great time to avoid drinking, recreational drugs and even caffeine).

I know myself and the other SDMB’ers want to provide whatever support we can through postings and thinking about you.

86

Jesus, Welby. That’s a lot to deal with. You appear to be doing a great job. For that, everyone will be grateful. I don’t know what else to say except…keep going. Keep going. Keep going.

Tibs.

87

The insurance denied coverage for the testing, so we’re out in the cold on that. I did call and set an appointment with the Fairfax Mental Health Services people. Maybe they can help.

My wife’s back is in bad shape, apparently she’s got complication from the surgury she had about 10 years ago. She’ll go into surgury Monday for her back.

Don’t worry, those of you who counseled me to stay away from the fun stuff. I only drink when I’m camping and I gave up drugs a long time ago.

Thanks for all the support, you have no idea how much it helps.

88

I’m at a loss here, Welby - truly angry for you. Almost pit-thread angry.

Have you considered going to a lawyer about this? Sometimes all it takes to get an insurer to change its mind is a little reminder of what their liability might be should something bad happen.

Sorry I can’t offer you a referral, but if nothing else you can call the Fairfax Bar Association Lawyer Referral Service, which I believe is the closest bar organization to you.

In the meantime, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

89

Welby, please know that the poetfamily is thinking of you and yours and praying for strength and peace in your home. I’m so sorry that all of this is being thrown at you; I can only imagine the frustration and outright fear you must be dealing with right now.
I don’t know if social services in your area would have any answers, or indeed what branches you’ve already contacted, but I’d give Child Protection a try. Call them, explain how desperate your situation is, and see if they might at least have new referrals for you.
If you have to bring your son home, I’m sure I don’t have to tell you to keep a close eye on him, but I do hope you won’t hesitate to call the police if he gets at ALL out of control.
This seems so unfair–I don’t understand why you can’t do an involunatary committal? Grrrr…I am so frustrated for you. :frowning:
Best,
karol

90

I’ve discussed doing an involuntary committal with my wife, and we see two problems with that. The first is that she doesn’t like the idea. The second is money. Especially now that she’ll be out of work for at least a month after her surgury, perhaps more depending on how much and how serious her back is.

Still, there’s always hope.

91

There is also the option of putting the kid into fostercare. From what I know about that system they make foster kids go to counceling and try to work on their problems. The beauty of it , is that it is all on the states dime , so money wont be a problem.You should be able to wrangle out a visitation scheduel for his mother so they can still see each other.

If that wont work then I guess if he comes after you with a knife again you will have to break his arm. It is hard to kill your family if your arm is in a cast up to the shoulder. You have to think about what is worse, you or your wife getting stabbed and maybe killed or fighting back against this little psycho.

92

What a terrible situation, welby. I’m very sorry to hear you are going through this.

It sounds to me like you are having to face the possibility of having a dangerous, untreated individual in your home. This may call for some drastic measures. BURNER’S suggestion may be one that you and your wife should consider. If this is not an option, might I suggest that you think about taking your daughter and moving out temporarily.

I know that sounds extreme, but the reality is that the other option is living in the same house with a person with homicidal tendencies, directed specifically at you.

93

With respect to the insurance company, having a lawyer, particularly one skilled in mental health law, as an advocate is a terrific idea. From what you’ve posted, your son poses an immediate, physical danger to you and your family.

I know that an involuntary commitment hurts and hurts a lot, but it might be the best thing, at least until his condition stabilizes a bit. Or, find out about community mental health resources. Your son’s school can help with that.

Robin

94

Sorry, I can’t add any practical advice and besides I think others, including DDG, have said it all. I just wanted to say I think you have every right to feel the way you do, and that it’s vitally important you don’t make things worse by blaming yourself. Don’t fall into that trap. If you start reciting the “Where did I go wrong” trap you’ll just drive yourself nuts because it’s not an answerable question.

Also, never lose hope. It’s a tough situation and I’m sorry to hear about it as are we all. But never lose hope. Bad situations get turned around and there is a future, there is a life ahead.

95

He came home last night. I went to pick him up, since my wife can’t move or walk right now. I’d say it went pretty smoothly. He’s aware that he needs counseling, and that he has to take the medication they prescribed, and he seems relatively normal, all things considered.

I didn’t sleep very well, though. Probably a time and seeing a shrink kind of thing for me.

On the wife front, we’ll be consulting with the surgeon this morning to see about repairing her back. She had surgury in the same spot about 10 years ago, which apparently complicates things more than we appreciated at first. Updates as available.

96

Burner said, “If that wont work then I guess if he comes after you with a knife again you will have to break his arm. It is hard to kill your family if your arm is in a cast up to the shoulder. You have to think about what is worse, you or your wife getting stabbed and maybe killed or fighting back against this little psycho.”

Can we try for a little compassion here? He didn’t say he hates the kid. Your use of the word “psycho” is insulting and non-productive. He loves him and wants to help him. Very mean-spirited.

97

welby, good news about the lad (so far, at any rate) but sorry to hear about the Mrs.

He’s been given medication you say. This sounds promising, at least. Have any of the doctors/psychologists he’s seen given you any information as to whether there’s a specific cause to his recent behavior? You may well not want to discuss the details of his “diagnosis”, and that’s cool. I’m mostly wondering (as are many others, to be sure) if anything has been pinned down yet, and if it makes you feel any safer/better knowing this.

This is, indeed, a rotten way to start the year. None of y’all deserve any o’ this, but, such is life and all that. Keep on keepin’ on, and know we’re thinking of ya’ll, and hoping things improve drastically on all fronts.

Our best, mate.

98

Things look up slowly on one front, down on another.

My son is in a day treatment program designed to help adolescents who have tried suicide cope with thier fears and problems. He seems to be responding pretty well to thier tratment, and will be there until mid-February. At the very least, he’s a little more talkative and sharing more with both myself and my wife, so that’s a pretty positive sign.

We have family sessions twice a week, and he has group and individual sessions daily. I’m seeing a doctor twice a week as well, and my wife twice a week too. Our daughter has once weekly sessions. She had lots of trouble coping, and was home when everything happened, so she’s pretty stressed out as well.

Everyone seems to think that he’s doing better. There’s still a LONG LONG road to travel, but we’ve made a little progress down it, and it doesn’t look so overwhelming anymore.

I’m still having trouble sleeping though. I think anyone in my situation would. Lots of nightmares that tend to cover the “what if” scenarios with my son and his attacking me. Hopefully the therapy will help that.

My schedule is a nightmare. Up at 5:00am to make lunches and breakfasts for the kids, then in to work at 6:00 am. Home at 7:30 to take my son to his day program. Back to work. Lunch consists of a doctor’s appointment with my wife usually, as they do further tests and prepare her for what’s probably going to be some fairly serious surgury. Back to work, pick up son at 2:30 and daughter at 4:00. Back to work to make up the time I missed, then class from 6:00 to 8:00. Home to make dinner, help with homework, help with physical therapy, then I try to get some rest by around 11:00 or so.

To add to it all, some asshat hit my car in the parking lot of the doctor’s office, bending the fender into the tire. Said asshat, of course, failed to leave a note. I managed to get the fender bent out enough to drive home, and have comandeered my wife’s car for the time being.

All of that said, things could be a hell of a lot worse. Thanks for all the support.

99

I’m glad that all of the members of your family seem to be getting the help they need, and wish all the best for you.

100

What a difficult situation.

Please try to keep the faith.

My best wishes,
Spooky