My son, who is 4 3/4, has attended a daycare center that is part of the local Baptist Church’s youth ministry for 4 years. We are not at all religious, but we understand and support that it is a ministry and that things like saying a blessing before meals are requirements. Friends of ours withdrew their son because they objected to someone on staff telling him that Jesus died on the cross. We don’t mind that at all, think it’s to be expected and feel that, if we wanted to, we could tell him it’s just a story. However, over the weekend, our son was looking over my shoulder while I was reading People magazine and he saw Melissa Etheridge’s wedding picture and asked about it. I told him the two ladies had gotten married and were brides. He became indignant and told me only girls and boys could get married and that’s what God wanted. I asked him who told him that and he told me one of his teachers did. I started to tell him I didn’t know how true that was and he became pretty upset - meanwhile, when I say I started to tell him, what I mean is I opened my mouth to speak.
So, I guess the opinion I am looking for is, should a teacher at a church daycare be telling pre-schoolers that God only wants members of the opposite sex to marry? I should mention that one of the children in a class of younger children there has two parents who are men.
It’s one thing to talk about basic christian beliefs–Christ on the Cross, love thy neighbor, etc. etc. But to make declarations about things that not even all christians agree about is very inappropriate. Especially since there is a child of two men enrolled. I’d ask the center about it, personally. And good luck trying to get your son to understand why his teachers lied to him. It’s got to be confusing on his part, and I’m angry that the staff put him in that position.
He’s been at the center for four years Bruce. Yanking him out and putting him somewhere else would not be easy on him. Not saying that’s not what should be done if necessary, but it shouldn’t be the first reaction, IMO.
Sounds like you’re going to be fighting an uphill battle against the intolerance they’re teaching your son. I don’t think daycare or schools should teach kids complicated morality, but they’ll continue. That’s how intolerance lasts for generation after generation. Brainwash them when they’re young.
Don’t underestimate the power the daycare teachers have over your child’s development. You may have a hard time undoing the damage they’ll do.
I had a longer post, but it got eaten. Anyway, we are in a similar situation. I’m an atheist but send my kids to a Lutheran preschool and have no problems with them praying, having Bible songs and stories and going to chapel. However, it should be age-appropriate. Teachers should not be taking it upon themselves to bring up areas of controversy. You might have a word with the director and maybe alert the two gay parents and enlist their help as well.
I would also say go ahead and discuss it with your son. Kids are capable of understanding that people believe different things. In a year or so he may be going to school with people whose families have all kinds of different beliefs. Might as well start now.
I wonder if they have started on the hellfire and damnation yet.
The school that my parents placed me in (for the education) told me that I was going to go to hell and burn for all eternity if I didn’t confess my sins to god and convert. Gave me nightmares, and I’ll confess a good amount of resentment.
They dont care what the parents want. They see you placing your child in their care as an excellent oppertunity to bring the kids around to their beliefs.
my kid is going to go to non-denominational schools.
If you love your child, you will get him away from those evil people at once. It may already be too late. Phatlewt is correct, they won’t stop pushing their beliefs on him, and on you.
Look, at your kid’s age, the hate they are teaching him will leave some pretty deep imprints upon him for the rest of his life. If you don’t agree with it, then yank him and go elsewhere.
If they are imprinting him with homophobic attitudes now, do you really think he will leave without other hate mongering and completely wrong notions of science and the world in general in the future.
IMO you are setting him up to be pretty fucked in the head in the future.
You are his parents. You should teach him morality.
Ditto Mr. Tuffpaws. This is the worst possible place to put your kid if you want him to grow up to be a loving, accepting person. They’re into grabbing them while they’re young so they can mold them into what THEY want kids to be…not what YOU want your kid to be.
The trauma of moving a kid to a new school is usually not a big deal at this age. He’ll be fine and will grow up with better values somewhere else.
For what it’s worth, I agree with the teacher; I also think “only girls and boys should get married and that’s what God wants.” (In fact, that’s what we teach our children.) But if a school is teaching your son something you’re opposed to, your only choice is to enroll him in another school.
You’ve got to be crazy or extremely naive. What did you THINK they would teach him at a Bible school? They’re going to teach whatever their particular church believes. Not to slam all individual Baptists, but the group as a whole doesn’t exactly have a liberal reputation. You must be related to “see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil” if you could send your child to a place like that asnd then actually be SURPRISED that he’s being taught to be an intolerant bigot. Get him out of there pronto or else resign yourself to the fact that he’s being brought up to be a bigot.
Unless he’s been bringing home Chick tract coloring books, I think yanking him out might be a bit of an over-reaction. You should be able to talk directly with your son’s teachers and the director of the pre-school to voice your opinions.
I like the vocabulary being used though: “brainwashing”, “molding,” “imprinting.” I’ll never be able to listen to my son sing “Zacchaeus was a wee little man” in quite the same way again.
I would like to know where this preschool is where no teacher ever says anything controversial, or dumb or different from what I believe.
And there comes the “hate” language. I will never understand this. Where in the OP does anything imply that hate is being taught? Saying that something is wrong is not the same as teaching hate. I believe alcoholism is wrong, but I don’t hate people who suffer from it. (And before you jump down my throat, I’m not equating alcoholism with homsexuality – it’s simply an example of my point.)
So the teachers can believe that homosexuality is wrong without hating those who practice it. As can MOST rational Christians.
I do believe that part of the mission of a church daycare is to indoctornate their little charges in their believes. Why else would a church provide daycare?
My kids go to a securlar daycare (a Kindercare) where I feel justified bringing the wrath of Og down on the daycare if they teach my children religion. Hey, its hard enough when Mommy is a Unitarian Diest and Daddy is an atheist without your teachers helping explain Christianity as the Truth.
So, in short, I don’t think you have much of a complaint with the daycare. I think what they have taught your son is deplorable, and I think you could have reasonably expected the topic not to come up with four year olds, but if it did come up, this is the answer you should have expected.
I went to a Presbyterian pre-school when I was younger. I was not raised Christian – my parents wanted my brother and I to be able to discover our beliefs for ourselves. There were the occasional Bible stories, and we went next door to the church once a week to pray.
I do not recall homosexuality ever being brought up. Nor were other controversial things. We were taught that we should love each other, that sharing is good, and how to fingerpaint. There was no hellfire and damnation, there was no moralizing that wouldn’t be at home on Mister Roger’s Neighborhood, and I didn’t come away with any negative experiences (other than being annoyed that they insisted I take a nap when I wasn’t tired at all).
And I grew up to be the well-adjusted Pagan I am today. Sometimes Christian daycare centers are the only day care available, or the least expensive. Non-Christian kids get put in them all the time. Maybe a chat with the teacher as to what is an inappropriate school topic is adviseable – especially considering that there’s a boy with two fathers in the class. You might voice your concern that speaking so negatively about same-sex unions is not only out of place in such a young class, but may have repercussions for that kid.
My suggestion would be to ask to speak to someone in charge about this and see if they are sympathetic to your viewpoint before you resort to yanking the kid out. In any daycare or school (even public, secular ones), your kid may encounter a teacher who wants to impose his/her views on the kids. The issue is how the administration deals with it.
I do agree that homosexuality (or sexuality in general) is a bit too controversial for kids so young to be talking about - and that is the angle I would approach it from with the administration, not whether the staff member’s view is right or wrong.
However, I think it’s a bit extreme to say that the kid will grow up to be a hateful bigot because of a preschool experience. I mean, come on, how many of us still believe the things that we believed at just 4 years old? Since you are not reinforcing those views at home, he’ll probably forget all about it soon.
During puberty he will probably change his opinions on A LOT of things, especially related to sexuality, as his hormones kick in. Not to mention that it is common for teens to rebel in general. I wouldn’t be panicked about the kid turning into a homophobe over this, honestly.
There are some very good points being made in this thread. I agree that you must, absolutely must, discuss this with the daycare center’s director. Explain why you are upset and your thoughts on the matter.
I own a childcare facility that is in no way, shape or form affiliated with any church or religious organization. IMO it is up to the parents to teach children about morality and religion. I teach the children in my care numbers, colors, alphabet, how to read and write, motor skills and how to share with other children.
I have never felt it was my place to instruct children in religious matters. Especially since my religion is radically different than that of the families of these children.
It is very true caregivers play a big role in the developement of young children. It’s easy to see the effect a caregiver has on a child. I have young toddlers who call me “mom” because it’s the only word they know to use with older females who are an authority figure and spends so much time with them. My name is very unusual and not easy to pronounce for most people, no matter the age (most adults never pronounce it correctly the first time and need instruction on it many times before they can). I do spend time instructing these children how to pronounce it and when they ‘get it’ they use it instead.
If the discussion with the director doesn’t work then do take your child out of that daycare and enroll your son in another center, one that teaches the things you want your son to learn.
You, as a parent, have every right to question a daycare about its practices and curriculum. This is something I tell every new client who comes through my door and remind the parents of already enrolled children every chance I get. I want my clients to tell me if I do something they don’t agree with so it can be changed.
I agree with the people who feel that you should have known what to expect when you enrolled kids in a fundamentalist preschool. Though I disagree with the views expressed by your child’s teacher, I think such dogma and places to teach it should be allowed to exist. It is really the parents’ responsibility to ensure that their values are as aligned as possible with any school’s perspective.
To me, preschool is not too early to instill basic values in kids–we just made sure that our little ones went to a non-religiously oriented one and “brainwashed” our kids ourselves.