Bitching about this here (and to one of my IRL friends, and on my blog…) has helped me to feel somewhat better about the situation. Thanks for the support, everyone. I put this in the pit because I expected people to tell me I was just being dramatic and I should get over it, but surprisingly that hasn’t been the case so far.
Just to clear up any confusion re: the orgasm thing and “give college a try”: The latter was not said in response to the former. Those were two separate instances, the latter provoked because I’m not the social butterfly she is. I don’t think she means “give it the old college try”. I think she’s smart enough that she would recognize that phrase and not confuse it with what she said. (Although she did think “raucous” was a noun, so you never know. Normally I wouldn’t have corrected her, but she was being a bitch to me at the time so I took great pleasure in pointing out her error.) Despite a lack of explanation, I know “give college a try” is in regard to my social life (or lack thereof, depending on your view). I just don’t know what I should be doing in order to please her. Like it matters anyway. I’m happy to sit at home and watch MST3K.
picker: Wow, you remembered that I play the mandolin! I had some sort of mandolin question for you, but now I can’t remember. Damn.
Maybe she thinks you are a boring shut-in? Or just uptight? Not meant to be a putdown, Awsnappity, I’m just trying to visualize her prespective.
When one friend is outgoing, and the other isn’t, often there is a ontrast- From the outgoing friend’s prespective, the other friend seems like a wet blanked in comparison. To the reserved friend, the outgoing friend is being judgemental and demanding.
This kind of describes my best friend and I. I’m the outgoing one, he is the reserved one. When we go out, he acts like a wallflower while I try to socialize. I talk/hang out with him, his roomate, her friends, etc. He only really interacts with his roomate and I. I’m the one telling him to get out more. He gets aggrivated when I badger him about things he has the power to fix (i.e. wants to be in a relationship, but seems to expect the right girl to just fall out of the sky, and is unwilling to proactively meet people).
Though to be honest, our faults cover each other’s strengths. I don’t know if you have the same kind of friendship, AwSnappity, but if you do, I would say the way to deal with it is to know when each of you is kind of crossing the line, and when you should really listen to each other.When I gripe about my best friend, it is because I am trying to find ways to help him better himself and getting frustrated about having him listen to what I have to say.
Oh, I totally am a boring shut-in. I completely agree with that part (and I’m not being sarcastic at all). And I know that my lifestyle isn’t for everyone. But what really got to me is that she was saying how it depressed her that I’m so negative and lonely. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t go around telling people their mere existence depresses me. It comes off as very patronizing, and not very sympathetic. It’s also a way of making it all about her, how my existence is affecting her life negatively, and instead of me being bad for me, I’m bad for both of us. That’s what really got to me.
Anaamika: Ha! She said something about “starting a raucous”. It was clear that she meant “ruckus”, but she was being hostile at the time and projecting hostility onto me, so I felt like being a pedantic bitch when normally I might keep my pedantic bitchery (or is that bitchy pedantry?) to myself.
For what it’s worth (and from my lofty perspective of 38 years old), you sound like a perfectly normal early-twenty-something. Your friend needs to mind her own damned business. If she doesn’t like you, why is she hanging out with you? If you’re happy by yourself, who else needs to be pleased with it?
(And for lots of women, sex gets better as you get older and more comfortable in your own body. If it’s not a big deal to you, it’s not a big deal, period.)
Nothing – not your job to please her. You’re right – it does sound like she’s being pretty patronizing. Just because her chosen social life works for her doesn’t mean that it’s the only thing that will work for anyone. And some people just aren’t into the “get drunk at a party every weekend” scene – nothing wrong with that.
grins tantalizes AwSnappity from a distance with his vast MST3K archive
See, that’s the thing. If she were begging you to go out, and knew she’d be able to honor the committment, I can see her getting somewhat frustrated that her invitation was being rejected. And if you wanted to change your situation but didn’t want to do anything to make it change, that would be aggravating too.
But you don’t want a more active social life, and she’s not issuing an invitation. She’s just nagging you to do something you don’t want to do. And if she really wants you to change, the sensible and friendly thing to do would be to help you with that first step.
