And it applies to all of you. Each and every one of you without exception.
How the hell can you do this to me? You know I just broke up with Sydny, and you know how I am when I’m single. You’ve seen me go through the funks when I’d dream about Sara or Manda and then wake up wanting nothing in the world more than to be with her. You know I hate being single, and even though I admit I’m neurotic, I fall too hard and too easily.
Consequently… DO NOT SNUGGLE WITH ME. DO NOT MAKE OUT WITH ME. Do not do both of the above, listen to me whine about how I hate being single and then compliment you incessantly, and afterwards start talking about how much you want to screw the guy you met last night when you were drinking at the Daily Planet. You know I liked you. You know you’ve gotten me horny on several occasions without really trying, and you know you give me all kinds of false hope by talking about what a great guy I am.
DO NOT ASSUME THAT I’M GOING TO ACT LIKE YOUR SUPPORTIVE GAY FRIEND WHEN YOU’RE SITTING IN MY LAP KISSING ME.
I’m a little confused…are you ranting about getting dumped? Or are you dumping about girls just snuggling or making out with you but not wanting commitment?
Or are you ranting about your female friends wanting you to be their gay supportive friend?
He’s ranting about girls who are cockteases, and who sit on his lap and pretend that he’s their gay best friend, so it’s okay to sit on his lap, when they know he’s the needful type, not to mention horny, and they’re promising things they’re no way prepared to deliver, and it’s not just about sex, it’s about relationships, too. And they don’t get it.
On behalf of my gender, Ace, allow me to apologize. And I think you should have QuikCopy print up 500 of your OP on business cards, and you should hand them out to the Clueless Ones. Next time Ms. Just-hold-me-for-a-minute plops herself down in your lap, you can stand up suddenly, dump her on the floor, and hand her a card. “Here, honey, read this…”
Only a 7.5 for the rant. Not blistering, but not bad.
Glad it makes sense to Duck, but I’m still totally confused. You’re gay, but you’re dreaming about Sara and Manda, and you’ve got female friends who make you horny and suck face with you. WTF? Sorry, but even if you’re a lesbian, that makes no sense at all to me.
No, Minty, he’s not gay–he’s saying that the girls expect him to behave as though he were. They want to be able to snuggle on his lap and not have him get horny.
And I will add that it’s too bad some girls never learn the difference between “flirting” and “being a cocktease”.
Or how to be friends with a guy without having it be about sex all the time.
So what about the face sucking? Is having pretty girls sit in your lap and make out with you a common hazard of homosexuality of which I was previously unaware? Damn, where’s Esprix when you need him?
The general idea here is that the making out is related to a feeling of immunity. “No feelings are going to build up, no one’s gonna get hurt, because darn it, Ace is just Ace. He doesn’t care. I’m not gonna date him, anyway.” There’s no phrase I could think of that would include all of the following:[ul]
[li] Nonsexual teddy-bear snuggling[/li][li] Griping about boyfriends[/li][li] Shopping and doing “girl stuff” together[/li][li] Making out. [/ul][/li]
So I picked a semi-humorous phrase that’s used a lot locally to describe a platonic, immune relationship between a guy and a girl. The making out is completely incidental.
Forgive me if the rest of the world doesn’t use the expression. I’m sorry that I said something that might be construed as homophobic. And I’m sorry the rant was evidently so hard to understand. :rolleyes:
Ace, “goddamn facists” are optional. Passion is what counts here (oops, sorry).
Actually, I do understand where you’re comin’ from (damn!). It’s hard (chortle) to keep you’re composure when they’re crawlin’ all over you, but I’m sure you’ll get a hand on it (snort).
[sub]I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m trying to offer sympathy, but did any girl crawl onto MY lap and suck face when I was his age? No! Jeezus weezus, now I’m sitting here making like Bevis and Butthead. There’s no dignity in growing old.[/sub]
I give this rant only a 3.6. Points were lost for an unclear OP, lack of creative expletives, and the fact that he’s getting ten times more action than I am and bitching about it.
My sincere apologies. I used to do that. Eventually I learned what I was doing and changed to “full disclosure” … “I am a tease, I will flirt with you incessantly all evening long, and then when its time to go home, my boyfriend will show up at the door to pick me up and you will wonder what happened.” Some guys flirted anyway, some said no thanks.
Sure its mean, but no meaner than asking for someone’s phone number and not using it.
Now pure evil is when they tempt you when you have a girlfriend, get you into just enough trouble that girlfriend dumps you (or you decide the grass in greener and jump the fence), and then say “oh, I wasn’t serious, I didn’t really want to date you, I was just squirming on your lap cause you were nice and safe with that girlfriend.”
Guys, he’s not “getting 10 times more action than anybody else”. That’s the whole point–they use him and tease him and then don’t come across, either sexually or emotionally. “Oh, Ace is just Ace, he’s a great guy, he knows we’re just friends, he can handle it”.
I am not a cockteaser (why would I tease something I like so much?), but one of my dear friends was a cockteaser and eventually grew up. Along the way, I think she played a part in turning three or four genuinely sweet guys into cynical assholes.
Ace, as someone who has watched from the sidelines while shaking my head in disbelief, here’s my advice:
Dump the slitch out of your lap, punt her to your door, and kick her out. She doesn’t know she’s hurting you and probably won’t understand it until you make it lighting-the-bonfire obvious. If she does grab a clue, there’s hope. If she doesn’t, stop being friends with her. You’ll only become a casualty of friendly fire.
Your female friend(s) is probably being a cocktease.
However, you will save yourself a lot of pain in the short-term (with these women) and in the long term (meeting women and dating again) if you stop acting like a doormat.
Don’t go dress-shopping with girls you are sexually interested in. Don’t listen to them talk about their boyfriends. Be assertive: “Hey, I’m your friend, but it bothers me when you expect me to listen to you bitch about men all the time. It’s as if you forget that I’m one, too.” Don’t let them sit in your lap. “I’d really prefer it if you sat on YOUR chair.” If they kiss you, “Look, don’t start something that you are not prepared to finish.”
You don’t have to stop being a nice guy, but for goodness sake, stand up for yourself a little more AT THE TIME rather than bitching about it later.
And I think you should have QuikCopy print up 500 of your OP on business cards, and you should hand them out to the Clueless Ones. Next time Ms. Just-hold-me-for-a-minute plops herself down in your lap, you can stand up suddenly, dump her on the floor, and hand her a card. “Here, honey, read this…”