i don’t know if this helps, but i had a friend who i acted exactly like that with – always sitting in his lap, snuggling him, etc. – all because i really was interested in him and didn’t know how to express it. we never did hook up, and now i wish i’d been more direct. but, at the time, i felt i was. what’s more direct than overtly flirting with someone you like?
admitedly, i did talk about other guys to him sometimes. but i think i was trying to get him to see me as someone a guy (like him) would want.
The old “he’ll read my mind. He’s psychic, he can do that.”
Fuggedabowdit, angel. Guys are dumb about signals. Very, very dumb. If you want something, you have to ask. Explicitly. Rudely, even. And that’s all there is to it. This you probably know - now. I say it so that any other female reading will see it and avoid doing what you did. Speaking as a guy, it drives me fucking nuts when I’m expected to somehow be a mind-reader. Which, as much as I’d like it, I’m not.
Ace, you have my sympathies. And I second phouka’s advice. You have enough shit to deal with without having to beat off chicks who don’t know what they want. And what magdalene says is dead on as well.
-Ben
I understood the OP perfectly, why are some of you having so much trouble? I am sorry, Ace, and I genuinely feel for you. I didn’t used to be nearly that bad, but I was flirting incessantly with guys just because it would drive them crazy. It’s just a power trip. Then I got involved in a serious relationship, a year old, and I stopped. If you ever wanna talk, email or IM me.
There was a hysterical thread about this awhile back - if someone was inclined to dig it up, it might be worth a look again (I would look for it myself, but I can’t right now cause I don’t feel like it :D).
snootches
[/jay]
Ace, fuggeddaboudit. dont let them behave like that. when they start that shit, stop them. I’ve been in that position that you’re in. Its easy to enjoy the situation while its happeniong and then be pissed off that you let yourself get used again afterwards.
I know the type of girl you’re talking about. they’re like leeches. They will test all their techniques off you firest before they try them properly, and don’t think of what it will do to you.
Stop them. put the foot down. show some testicular fortitude
Get in line, assmunch There’s 15,000 Dopers out here and almost 9,000 who want her to be our mommy. ( Truth be told, there ARE those days when I want her to be my Parochial School Teacher so I can feel the wrath of her firm hand upon…<whimper>…oh god…never mind )
OK, listen up. grasshopper, and your Uncle Elucidator will help you out.
Don’t throw her out, she may be genuinely needy, and if we’re not here to help each other get through whatever this is, then what?
So…she starts in on this, you back away with “Usually, this kind of thing works ok, but you are so overpoweringly sexy, it just wont work. You’d give a dead man wood…”
What, you think she wont buy it? Ever seen the cover of Cosmopolitan? Know how many they sell everymonth?
i still don’t get it. i mean, this was the only guy i’ve ever known that i actually had to do more than flirt with. i mean, come on, i all but tore his clothes off and wrapped my mouth around his dick.* what exactly is a chick expected to do?
geez, ya sit in a guys lap and shove yer tits in his face, most guys get the hint.
*not meaning to sound like i’m a slut. i’m not. if i was, i probably would have done exactly that.
I’m waiting for someone to start the parallel thread about the clueless guys who come cry on a girl’s shoulder time and time again whenever the beauty queen they are throwing themselves at rips their heart out, tosses it on the ground, and stomps on it.
Then they ask for advice for going after the next beauty queen.
abuse angel, the problem isn’t lack of signals (sitting in a guy’s lap and shoving your tits in his face is just about the right way of saying “I’m interested”), but mixed signals.
You yourself said that even while you did that, you also talked to him about how you were interested in other guys. Believe it or not, some guys will respect that you are interested in someone else, and therefore not try anything.
You were essentially saying to him: “Look! I’m sexy, I’ll get you all worked up! Then I’ll go date this other loser!” And if it didn’t happen that way 49 times out of 50, then maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad tactic for gaining his interest. But it does. And besides, it’d be much more effective without that last part anyway.
