My theory is that the pinnacle of technology and AI research will result in a machine about the size of the brain and as dumb as an average human.
There’s a famous Peanuts cartoon where Lucy says she has the perfect theory, and Charlie Brown asks what it is, and she says it’s that Beethoven would have written even better music if he hadn’t gone deaf. CB asks what’s so perfect about this, and Lucy says “It can’t be proved one way or the other.”
I like perfect theories. They provide great conversational fodder in pubs.
I once heard someone say she thought that they put stuff in shampoos to create the demand for them, e.g. you see a shampoo marked ‘For greasy hair’ and you use it and it contains secret stuff that makes your hair look OK for a day or two, but then makes it greasy again, so you reach for the shampoo that’s supposed to be for greasy hair… and so on. It’s as if “For greasy hair” works the same way as “To serve man”. Anyway, I liked the theory because it fitted the empirical data and personal experience (hers, not mine) perfectly.
I have two perfect theories of my own. Both concern traffic here in the UK.
My first theory is that the single biggest cause of all the terrible road congestion we have is red lights, or (more broadly) the insane compulsion that the authorities have to erect traffic lights at every single possible intersection, when in many cases either nothing or a ‘Give way’ syste mor a roundabout would work just as well but cause less disruption to traffic flow. The’experts’ always say the problems are caused by the volume of traffic. Not so. Stand att he side of a busy section of the M1. Huge volume of cars, no congestion at all because they are all moving along quite nicely without hindrance. What causes the congestion is all the red lights, especially the ones that are badly phased, or the ones that achieve a situation where everyone is waiting and nobody is proceeding in any direction.
My second theory is about local authorities, especially here in London, and the provision of social services. People complain about them cutting services, and the authorities always say it’s because they’re short of money. And yet… and yet… they seem to have limitless funds for erecting fresh sets of traffic lights at every single junction within their boundaries, some of them elaborate conflagrations involving dozens of pairs of lights like a small-scale rock show. So my theory is that if they took some of these funds, currently allocated towards putting up red lights that cause congestion, and diverted them towards social services, they would have enough money to provide every service under the sun. And traffic congestion would be greatly reduced as well.
All recording mediums physically decay with time. No matter how hard you try to preserve your information, you will always have some loss. My theory is that information is not loss because materials decay, but that materials decay because information must be lost. Information loss is the more general principle. Unfortunately, I do not know enough about information theory and thermodyamics to rigorously formulate this.
Socks getting lost in the laundry: My theory of increasing differences
I believe a significant number of socks lost in the laundry are only apparent and not actual losses. These apparent losses are due to the pairing of similar but-not-quite the same socks after the wash, leaving single leftovers that are more apparently distinct from each other than the unintentionally mis-matched pairs. These leftovers give the illusion of missing socks.
This theory is better demonstrated by an example.
Say you have three pairs of socks with the following ribbing patterns:
Pattern A: 1-2-1
Pattern B: 1-3-1
Pattern C: 1-4-1
It would be pretty easy to accidently pair one A sock and one B sock, as the patterns are pretty close to one another, and only distinguishable if one looks closely. Similarly, one could easily mismatch a B and a C together. After these two pairings, you are left with an A and a C. The differences between these two socks are great enough that one can tell at a glance they don’t match. Not knowing how many pairs you started with (when is the last time you counted how many socks you threw in the wash?) one is likely to simply assume that the partners to the leftover A and C were “mysteriously lost”, when in fact those partners were simiply mispaired.
This same principle could apply to socks of slightly different colors (three shades of Navy blue), etc.
My theory is that all brontosauruses are thin at one end, much, much thicker in the middle and then thin again at the far end. That is my theory, it is mine, and belongs to me and I own it, and what it is too.
(Sorry, I just had to.)
I take it you were not informed about the classification change.
I’m convinced that there are some men out there who produce sperm with a disproportionate number of one type of sperm compared to the other kind. For example, something is going on in families where a girl hasn’t been born in 4 generations.
On the same note, I think some women have something going on where their bodies are more “receptive” somehow to conceiving a baby of one sex over the other.
Given that all things being equal, you’ve got a 50/50 chance of conceiving either gender, I’d like to see a big study done of families that have produced nothing but one gender for decades and see what’s going on with them.
Haven’t read anything about it for awhile, but a few years back a study seemed to indicate that very Type A, competitive women are significantly more likely than 50% to conceive boys.
As we go around trying to protect ourselves from illnesses caused by pathogens like bacteria and fungus (by using antibiotics, putting preservatives in food, using cleaning chemicals, etc.), we are making a trade off: less infectious-type illness for more cancer (caused by all the chemicals).
My mom belongs to a group of women interested in antiquing. It’s 25 women between the ages of 35-70, most of them below age 50. Every one of them but my mom has had cancer (no, I’m not exaggerating). Mom isn’t an Iowa native, but the rest of them are, and are mostly lifetime natives of that town. I suspect this quasi-“cancer cluster” is due to lifetime exposure to pesticides in the water supply (which was all well water until a few years ago).
So while I’m immunized for major illnesses, and I take antibiotics when absolutely necessary, I avoid using manmade chemical products where possible, use natural alternatives, and don’t worry too much about germs. I rarely get sick, so it’s working OK so far.
I have a theory that either:
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The universe is merely a creation of my own imagination, and that I am the only “real” person in existence. The universe therefore is no bigger than my senses allow at any one time, and everything I am not aware of ceases to exist until I should become aware of it. The entire reason for the universe’s existence is to allow me to experience “life”.
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The universe is actually one single consciousness acting out in an almost infinite number of tangents in order to enact every single thought, experience, event, emotion and mathematical possibility that could ever occur and I am simply a infintessemal, yet ultimately important part of this experience
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Hi Opal! is merely a creation of my own imagination, along with Og, I burning your dog and 18"DHIBJD. Gotcha Ya! however I take no claim to whatsoever.
It must be bunnies…
P.S Someone in this thread is a Savage Garden fan.
bitwise, are you being coy, or were you wooshed?
My pet theory is that no matter what opinion you have, position you take, or stance you adopt, someone somewhere will be in violent opposition to it. In other words, every thought or action has an equal and opposite reaction, somewhere.
And I take it you aren’t a Monty Python fan.
That’s weird. You replied just as I was also compelled to reply. My first true simulpost.
That’s the most idiotic thing I’ve ever heard! It’s completely wrong, and if I ever see you, I’m going to punch you in the nose!
Yeah, kinda like how a cabal of powerful Americans is controlling the government of America.
Serious and not so serious
Serious
We are all born with forward-seeing or esp-type powers but are lost with our childhood innocence. This theory was mentioned to me while I was in my teens and the strength of my belief in comes and goes. It’s strongest after a dejavu incident of course:)
Not so Serious
Why is it that when you’re out with your significant other you rarely see anyone you know, but when you’re out doing something you shouldn’t you see the whole world including your significant other!
My Blog
Don’t laugh so hard, it may be funny but it’s also my life
Lucky
I think people are becoming ruder because nobody knows anybody in their neighborhoods anymore. You don’t have to be nice or polite because who cares? You’re never going to see these people again. The phenomenon worsens in large gatherings like concerts and sports events. Worst of all is people’s behavior in traffic, because not only are you anonymous, you can’t even see the faces of the other drivers, further reducing their (and your) relation to humanity.
For years I’ve occasionally given thought to my “True Bible” dream. The idea is that we will be all but eliminated in a mass extinction at some point, hang on as a species for a couple few thousand years, and then pull ourselves back out of the second (third?!) stone age. What legacy do we want to leave this future civilization? A bible, of course. But a bible of knowledge instead of belief. Pack it with whatever flowery language you like, but it should convey known concepts about cosmology, physics, biology, genetics, logic, philosophy, computing, mathematics, the five types of engines, and the proper pronunciation of the word “nuclear”. You know, all the important stuff.
Anyway, the first time the thought occured to me, I immediately tackled the problem of decay. Stone is so gauche, so the natural solution is plastics, which supposedly can never decay. Your post has made me revisit that long-ago settled solution. Sure, the “paper” may never decay, but the text would have to fade as per your theory. So now I’m reduced to the indignity of cutting up plastic into the shape of words for a 1000 page text of all human knowledge. No matter how well written, who could possibly give any respect to a “document” that looks like a preschooler’s angel ribbon?