For more than three weeks I’ve been struggling to come up with something awesome for a thousandth post self-congratulatory party thread. I’ve imposed a self-banning from the boards so that I wouldn’t waste it as a one liner in the latest masturbation thread. There were many threads I’ve wanted to start but had to put off because my post count was at 999.
It would have been a big, long speech giving a recap of my stay here including notable posts and maybe some praises to other Dopers. As I was writing it I realized I’ve actually added so little of value to the board. My first post ever was a thread killer. I was the one who resurrected the gl0worm pit thread. I have few posts that could be considerd memorable.
This post in a Houston related thread about Houston’s super heroes is only satisfactory. So I wrote one, big deal. Scylla’s done plenty of posts with much better witing and direction than mine, and Rue’s adventures as a Secret Agent top mine by far. This is fifth grade in comparison. The time Blackeyes frowned, and what he would have liked to have said, a “fine declaration of universal rage”, gave us the never used phrase, “fuckingly similar to the manner of shit” and was considered by Steve Wright to be “almost the Platonic ideal of a rant, an icon of obscene invective”. Arnold Winkelried threatened to get rid of the size and color options because of it.
A Great Revelation made by one Blackeyes was when God came to me in a vision and I gave up shaving. I pleaded to the world to give it up too, for it is sinful. Now who responded to my fine post? Three people. Not even a mod warning me I’m doing something wrong.
I’ve done a couple polls and newslink posts but that’s the cream of my labor summed up: three posts. I’ve done about three good posts out of nine hundred ninety-nine.
Jesus, we’re at an actual war now. And it’s gonna cost us billions of buckaroos. Would be cheaper to pay them not to fight, I’ll bet. Say the war does cost us as low as 200 billion. If we give Saddam and his sons one billion dollars to leave Iraq and go to Bahrain, we’d have 199 billion to rebuild the country. That’s a lot of money. With that we could solve some of our domestic issues; we could give it to the bankrupt state governments so that my state won’t cut athletics, art and music. Cite. Now people gotta die. Damn Saddam.
I thought about color-coordinating my dress tomorrow to something relating to the war. Wearing cameo pants will be popular tomorrow but just tacky. My good friend told me to wear a peace button and a double undershirt, take a magic marker, and on the top of the shirt write, “Stop the War” or “Give Peace a Chance.” I’ve worn a quarter-sized button with woodstock on it for weeks; I tell people wearing it will bring world peace.
Sure I was against the war yesterday. I was because the Saddam-Al Qeda linked seemed dubious at best, the legality of it without a UN Security Council resolution authorizing it seemed questionable, Christian morality has me against war (the Pope wishes for peace) and against this type of judgement, I do not think it is right to go to war without a formal and specific declaration by Congress, and I consider myself an anti-interventionist. I support the troops, let’s send them home to their children I said. We’re too far into this thing to do anything but go further, there’s no point to pulling back now. If it turns out we find no CBWs in Iraq and Saddam has been more or less following UN law, what’s going to happen? I’ll admit we probably will find plenty of the stuff, but in America people are not convicted on the basis that they are probably guilty (cite: Twelve Angry Men).
Hopefully we’ll find plenty of the stuff, keep the casualties at less than 200 and the war shorter than three weeks, and we’ll capture Saddam and his cronies alive and bringe them to The Hague for a fair trial in the World Court. Hopefully those CBWs will not fall into the hands of Al Queda and our soldiers will find and destroy them before they can. Hopefully the Kurds might get their own country finally. Hopefully the Arab world will not be inflamed in rage towards America for this and we’ll be able to say, “told you so.” Hopefully this will not set a horrible precedent of pre-emptive strikes by America. I hope this is one of the few times America will ever strike first. But the world has “awoken the Sleeping Giant and filled him with a terrible resolve.”
I’m not going to make the shirt.
I once posted on the board I realized I could kill a man. But I do not want to. We are about to have a generation of 19 year old veterans very quickly and I do not want to be part of that. But if these wars drag on I’m afraid I will have to be. I’ll enlist in something simple and noble like the Big Red One. That seems like the thing to do. After that I’m going to join the Peace Corps.
We’re at war now and I want to post on the Board again. So let’s just accept this thread for now.
