My Toddler Thinks He's A Hamster- Advice?

In My Humble Opinion
1

My son is almost 14 months old. He recently grew an inordinate amount of teeth, and he looooves to use them.

Mainly he has begun to use them on his crib. You know how people used to worry that if a tiger ever bit a person they’d get a taste for human blood and become maurading beasts? Yeah, well our kid has gotten a taste of sweet sweet wood, and he ain’t stopping for anything. He’s a crazed pine fiend. To try and reduce the gnawing, we put crib rail covers on. He pulls them off and throws them and gnaws unabated. I considered gluing them on until I realized he also gnaws the headboard, and they don’t make covers for those.

Now it’s at the point where he’s able to pull actual strips of wood off using his teeth. I found a small chunk of wood in his crib this morning.

Kids are not goats*. Kis are not termites. Kids should not eat wood.

Any ideas for helping my son develop a diet involving less fiber? I’ve thought about some bitter apple spray, but that might be traumatic. I’ve also thought about getting him a plastic big-boy bed he can’t chew, but he seems to little for that yet. Do they make some sort of cloth cover I could use?

Ideas?

*ok, maybe technically they are…

2

Give up. Get him a nice, big wheel to run on and some yellow-colored tubing to crawl through.

3

Damn that is a sticky one. Heh.

They make crib tents, but I doubt they’d help one bit. I think I have to vote for the bitter spray. Which is more traumatic: a mouthful of bitter for a day or two or a strange wood fetish that lasts a lifetime?

Good luck.

4

Does he have that Pica disorder thing?
Link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pica_(disorder)

5

Heh. On rainy days we take him to a place in San Jose called Bamboola, which just happens to have said tubes.

I’ve actively considered installing a toddler-sized habitrail in the house.

6

No. This is fairly typical toddler-gnawing, just with an unfortunate choice of object. He doesn’t eat anything else odd, except once a bug which he grabbed off a shelf as we were growing through Ikea.

7

Throw old toilet paper tubes into his crib. If he chews them, and makes the shredded cardboard into a nest, you may in fact have a genuine hamsterboy on your hands.

8

Anyone else notice that Cecil’s 1995 column “Is it crazy to eat clay?” is referenced in this article?

9

Yeah, but he won’t catch the imagination of the American public like Bat Boy.

10

inkleberry, your toddler wears *me *out from a distance. He’s like Calvin, from Calvin & Hobbes. Just wait until he’s 6.

11

He’s the bestest! We’re a pretty high-energy family, and it’s fun to have a kid who isn’t a slug-baby.

But, yeah, we have to take him to the park twice a day to run him like a labrador. :smiley:

I see many many epic battles with trees and monkey bars and trying to fly like a superhero in this kid’s future.

12

Don’t let him eat his young.

13

I would go with the bitter spray - if only to prevent him from getting splinters in his mouth/gums. Maybe his doctor has some ideas - then again, the doctor might send you to a vet. :slight_smile:

14

Your last name wouldn’t happen to be Cleaver, would it?

15

Goto PetSamrt and get him a peice of rawhide.

16

Choda Boy: Dad. I don’t think I’m going to do Hamster style anymore.

17

On the positive side, he’s got a job waiting for him – eating posts – so long as the Dope remains extant.

18

No. A Werehamster. Fill his crib with ceder shavings; it will save money on the diaper service.

Or, start him on an early career, at the Chicago Reader, as a Techie.

19

As a 4x mom, I would go with the nasty tasting stuff on the wood, splinters in the gums/mouth will hurt, and swallowing splinters isn’t healthy at all.

I have one son, and he just turned 13. An active little man from the get go, he knows not the meaning of fear. He had stitches before he was two. You have my best wishes for the future!!!

20

Don’t forget to give him plenty of toilet paper tubes to have fun with!