My view of a person changing

[SjTotem]

Hello,
I’m in a relationship that was going extremely well and I loved my partner to bits. However, recently my partner got circumcised because of medical reasons and I was all prepared for this and okay with this fact. But after the operation something suddenly just changed, and my own view of my partner and how he is, entirely changed. I still knew that he is whom he is and that his personality is intact, but my love for him and the way I see him had vanished. He became just an acquaintance, and I did not want to be near him.

Things worth mentioning to this text is though that I could not handle the circumcision itself at all, and the fact that it happened still makes me shiver. Why that is I don’t know, but I do have a fear of separated limbs. It should be completely irrelevant in this case though in my opinion, but you never know.
Also, I know I’m crazy, but this makes me believe I’m truly insane!
And I’m not circumcised myself, because I’m a woman.

Now to my question, is there a way to fix this according to your opinions? Or should I just drop the relationship like its hot?

Oh and, has anyone else ever experienced a problem like this? Feelings-loss, or circumcision problems that is relevant to this matter.

[Johnny_L.A]

@SjTotem

Now to my question, is there a way to fix this according to your opinions? Or should I just drop the relationship like its hot?

I have no advice to offer, but how about a little levity?

The title of this thread makes me think that it gives new meaning to ‘Do you have change for a Fin(n)?’

[LibrarySpy]

It’s perfectly normal to feel a sense of loss and alienation over this, however insignificant you thought it was going to be.

Yes, it may be the end of the relationship.

But I say give it time and a little space. You may fall in love with the new him. You may not. No need to rush into or out of anything, though. See if, for a while, you can just be friends.

[SpoilerVirgin]

If the relationship is important to you, you might want to seek out some therapy to discover whether this is an issue that you can overcome. It makes sense to me that if you have a fear of amputation, circumcision might bring up issues for you. I believe Oliver Sacks has written in one of his books about people with the opposite issue – a sexual desire to be with someone with an amputated limb – that in some cases arose from a childhood experience.

You have to decide whether it is worth it to you to examine this part of your psyche to see if you can salvage the relationship.

[QuickSilver]

Have all your partners to date been uncircumcised?.. is esthetics the issue?

Would you feel this way if your partner’s appendix was removed?

What if he lost a finger in lawn mowing tragedy?

What’s his take on this?

Perhaps you should see somebody who deals with this kind of stuff professionally? A good place to start might be the doctor who performed the surgery. They might be familiar with cases like this with other patients and be able to refer you.

[SjTotem]

@QuickSilver

Have all your partners to date been uncircumcised?.. is esthetics the issue?

Would you feel this way if your partner’s appendix was removed?

What if he lost a finger in lawn mowing tragedy?

What’s his take on this?

Perhaps you should see somebody who deals with this kind of stuff professionally? A good place to start might be the doctor who performed the surgery. They might be familiar with cases like this with other patients and be able to refer you.

They have. To some degree its aesthetics, but mostly the loss of a “body-part”.
If he lost his appendix, I guess it would be of same degree as circumcision and a lost finger would be the end of the relationship.
I do have problems, and will seek counsel so that tip was helpful.

[QuickSilver]

Best of luck to you both for a successful outcome.

[Gatopescado]

@SjTotem

…so that tip was helpful.

:rolleyes:

[StusBlues]

@SjTotem

They have. To some degree its aesthetics, but mostly the loss of a “body-part”.
If he lost his appendix, I guess it would be of same degree as circumcision and a lost finger would be the end of the relationship.
I do have problems, and will seek counsel so that tip was helpful.

This degree of self-awareness and examination shows a great deal of maturity on your part. Good luck to you.

[Omar_Little]

What would you think of yourself if you lost a finger? Would you break up with yourself?

[Habeed]

Perhaps this isn’t appropriate to ask, but it would be interesting to know how he changed.

Do you mean his behavior is different, as he is depressed or experiencing phantom pain or some other symptom due to missing that body part?

Or is there some direct A:B difference that is immediately obvious. Since most people who are circumcised have it done to them as babies, it’s difficult to make a comparison.

[SmellMyWort]

@Habeed

Perhaps this isn’t appropriate to ask, but it would be interesting to know how he changed.

Do you mean his behavior is different, as he is depressed or experiencing phantom pain or some other symptom due to missing that body part?

Or is there some direct A:B difference that is immediately obvious. Since most people who are circumcised have it done to them as babies, it’s difficult to make a comparison.

I don’t think this is about him. It’s about her change in feelings toward him due to his physical change.

[SjTotem]

@Omar_Little

What would you think of yourself if you lost a finger? Would you break up with yourself?

I guess something like that. I would hate myself deeply and it would probably lead to suicide.

[iamthewalrus_3]

@SjTotem

I guess something like that. I would hate myself deeply and it would probably lead to suicide.

The suggestion of therapy is a good one. One never knows when an accident may result in the loss of a body part, so it would be good to try to deal with those feelings and get some coping mechanisms in place before you might be confronted with the reality of it.