So I have this live in girlfriend… actually we’ve been living together for several years. Ever since she’s known me I’ve had a mustache. Last saturday I shaved it off… she didnt notice 'till I brought it to her attention 3 days later. Work acquantences (not even friends) noticed it right off. Should I be bothered by this?
I would think this isn’t a good sign.
Well, when she gets her hair cut or colored do you notice? I have been in relationships when the men don’t notice that kind of stuff, once I got my middle of my back length hir cut above my shoulders and he didn’t say a word…
Sounds weird to me, but people do fail to notice things sometimes (tell me, without looking, what does the ceiling look like in the room you are now in?).
But a moustache? - I have to ask… don’t you ever, you know, kiss her… I’d have thought it would be pretty hard not to notice in those circumstances.
(If you don’t ever kiss her, that could be a bad sign in itself, I suppose).
I once shaved my goatee (which I’d had for a while), and my wife didn’t notice for a day or two.
I wouldn’t worry about it.
Maybe she is preoccupied with other matters like work or family or study or ??? I also think some people are not visually oriented. What was her reaction when you discussed her not noticing the change?
I don’t think it is a big deal.
Sounds to me like basic human nature. When you see someone everyday, you rarely “look” at them.
As an experiment, Dopers with Significant Others could put a strip of masking tape on the upper lip and see how long it takes to be noticed.
I think it is a question of magnitude, and influenced by your take on how observant she is. For instance, I am hyper-observant and notice everything - therefore, a 3-day lapse would be a big deal. My wife, on the other hand, is less observant, so a three-day lapse would not be as much of a cause for concern. So first, calibrate your concern.
Second, let’s say there is cause for concern - what degree of concern? Is this an extreme situation - wow, she must be having an affair? Or is it - hmmm, maybe I should take this as a sign that we can be doing more to maintain the connection in our relationship? Again, unless she is hyper-observant, I strongly doubt the need to get all freaked. However, it is probably a sign that you could juice up the connection - if only for the simple fact that there is almost always a need to juice up the intimacy in a relationship of long standing, to take advantage of any reminder you can…
Obviously you need to do more expierements.
Try shaving your head.
Get a full body tatoo.
Does anybody have that link about that chick who want to amputate her hands and have them replaced with hooks? You could try that.
Really I don’t think it is a big deal.
Let her catch you in bed with another woman. If she doesn’t notice that, then yes, there might be a problem. Then again, if she joins y’all…
Sounds like a great episode for ‘Friends’.
Or, she could have noticed it and not said anything because she doesn’t have anything nice to say. I’ve done that a few times.
This by itself isn’t enough to go on. How do you feel about the relationship otherwise? If you were already feeling that you have drifted apart, then this is a another piece of evidence to support that, and maybe should spur you to move on. If you feel that things are fine, then don’t worry about it.
Thats a sad truth… probably pretty obvious or I wouldnt worry about it I guess. Its just been so long… just about 5 years. Its kind of easy to just play along and not change. However in reality… we havent even had sex in several months… several. I do know we think of each other as great friends and are ok in that regard and REALLY dont want to give that up… but as a couple…we are not so good. That being said… I know for a fact if we were living together and decided to see other people neither of us could emotionally handle it. 
Anybody have any advice?
damnit… how obvious could the advice be… I know…
I just did this.
I’m pretty sure the wife noticed right away. Screaming “OH MY GOD!” kind of tipped me off.
I just did this.
I’m pretty sure the wife noticed right away. Screaming “OH MY GOD!” kind of tipped me off.
Yep, you know. Sorry, man. I’ve been there, and it sucks.
But do it as soon as possible. The longer it drags on, the worse it will be.
Does she tend to notice/not notice other things? Women tend not to be as visually oriented as men are.
Come home with lipstick “lip marks” on your neck or shirt collar one day and see if she notices that.
I would not make a big deal about it. Blow to the ego? Yeah. Relationship wrecker? Shouldn’t be.