I don’t think it’s quite fair to compare dating site situations with circumstances where you’ve already had (neutral to pleasant) face-to-face interaction, though. Back when I tried the online thing, sure I got a number of messages, but 95% of them were completely rude. A few others made it clear that they hadn’t bothered to read my profile, and some managed to do both. A polite message always got a response, even if it was “Thanks but no thanks,” but the rude ones just got the delete key and I feel no guilt for that. Trying to instruct someone on how insulting a person right out of the gate does not make a good first impression is not my job and is a waste of my time. I’m fairly sure that none of them would have taken kindly to it, either, and I’m not interested in dealing with a total stranger’s drama.
I have a Y chromosome but:
I would figure anything roughly one-for-one is not a foul. That is, if you waited two days to contact her, she gets two days to reply, and you shouldn’t wonder why because you did the same thing.
And you should probably allow that time in “business days.” E.g. if you emailed her Thursday and she didn’t check her email on Friday, you’d be looking at maybe Monday before she read her mail after returning from out of town. Of course she might have dozens to plow through as well.
My question is what you lose by trying a second time. If you’re not going to work with her again, there’s no issue there. If she deleted the first, she’ll delete the second and the end result will be the same. Or maybe the first one was lost in cyberspace somehow, deleted by accident, etc.
I recently got a forward from my sister on my Yahoo acct because Verizon rejected her earlier attempt to send it there. The original attempt was on Wednesday and DAEMON sent it back to her on Sunday.
I’m not sure what you are saying here, but the reality is that you are much more likely to get somewhere (e.g. laid) if you ask the girl out face to face than if you send her a note with the same request. That’s an empirical fact, and you can check it with any guy who regularly chases women with any degree of success.
Yep, absolutely. A lot of guys seem to think that a woman even responding to them, whether it’s a ‘thanks but I’m busy’ email, or answering their question in a bar so as not to be rude, means that the woman is into them. I think it’s because guys are generally more direct and if they don’t want to talk to someone they’ll say so, whereas women are socially conditioned against that. And of course some guys are just jerks. I work in a bar and see this every single night, where I can tell by the girl’s body language that she isn’t into the guy and wants him to go away, and where the guy is either oblivious to that or just doesn’t care. And, as always, this means that the decent guys get burned too, as they don’t want to approach women for fear of coming across like one of these arrogant jerks.
The OP comes across as a nice guy, so I’m sure he’ll leave it there, but for many guys they would, cluelessly or otherwise, send an email back asking when the woman is free for a bike ride, so sometimes it’s easier just to not reply. (Her response was excellent btw, and I’m stealing it.)
Also wanted to add to my earlier post, I’ve had my fair share of my emails not being replied to as well - after a couple of days I know the guy’s not interested so I move on to my next victim, er, young gentleman.
Maybe, maybe not.
Respond, say “Thanks for the response, I understand busy at work, been there myself. Yes, I had a great bike ride. . Drop me a note if you’d like to join me sometime when your time frees up.”
Then assume she was blowing you off, those are the odds. But, she might surprise you.
Do nothing more.
She’s either not available or not interested. Your e-mail was the right approach as such things go, and her response was exactly what I would’ve done.
The thing is, you didn’t meet this woman on a dating site or in a social situation. You should have no expectation that she is available.
I have been on the other side of this one more than a few times. Frankly, I always felt a little bit blindsided. I guess this is because during the meeting I was thinking about nothing but what his job is and how his business interests might intersect with mine. Now that I realize that he had no business interest I feel a little deceived.
At least you came right out and asked her out, more often I get a request to meet and discuss business further, I guess they figure it lessens my chances of saying no. Once some guy I meet at a business dinner e-mailed me to say he enjoyed the dinner and he thought we could do some joint marketing and could we discuss it over dinner. This was someone whose position made this idea (joint marketing, not dinner) not only conceivable but somewhat attractive. Just to be sure though, I responded that I generally reserved my evening for my personal life but could we meet over lunch. We set the lunch appointment, the guy shows no interest in the business materials I bought or any marketing plan, at some point I get an opening to tell him I am NOT AVAILABLE and which point he threw a bunch of papers at me and stormed off and refused to speak to me for something like 5 years.
Ok, I guess you REALLY wanted a date. But guess what, I REALLY wanted a marketing partner. I wouldn’t expect to find a marketing partner on match.com so why should you expect to find a girlfriend at a business function? I felt professionally insulted as he obviously was just pretending to care about my business.
After a few years of this I just started wearing a wedding band to all business functions. It was worth it.
You ROCK. 
Hmmm, after digesting all the confusion, let me offer a piece of advice here. It’ll get pounced on, but what the heck do I know, right? Hey, we got the Bad Astronomy guy, call me the Bad Dating guy, because I can help you from falling off the face of the earth with cute women.
You should have eluded to bike rides and things you have in common in every way possible. Then quickly, and matter-of-factly, you should have acted like she was the last person you would bike ride with. Not that you would SAY it, just that you would note the commonality, then get the heck off the subject and mention something else, blah blah blah.
Actually, while talking to her, if you were interested, I would suggest you kind of ‘look past her’, like you are pausing from something else while talking. Maybe I would go as far as to say, “I’m looking for a cute female riding partner right now, so that’s all the extra I want out of biking I want right now”, then matter-of-factly leave the impression that it ain’t her, 'cause you just glossed right over her.
Send her an e-mail? BAH! If I liked her I would have been so business like it’d drive her nuts.
It all depends on how in-demand she probably is. She’s cute? Then she’s in demand. Dude, you GOT IN LINE with hundreds of other dopes. Once in line, you got nuttin’ …nuttin’! You’re cooked. STAY OUT OF THAT LINE!!!
An e-mail? Back of the line…the kind of ‘‘so far back’’ that you would have brake lights on your ass if the line was a tractor trailer. 
You can get in that line if you are one extraordinary male who had her at Hel. Yeah, two letters earlier than Hello – then you can be in that line, except the line is just imaginary, because your extraordinariness blew the line up and you knew you had her and were being playful.
Most in demand girl in my office? I’ve looked beyond her for five straight years. I get in line, I’ll never get a date with her. It drove her nuts. NO ONE ever looked beyond her. I’m 90% there.
Good luck!
::ducks, runs, covers privates::
SERIOUSLY!
Totally. I went out with a guy once. It wasn’t all that but I agreed to a second date just in case I’d missed something. The second date convinced me that I hadn’t. After a bizarre night he fell asleep on my deck and I had to wake him up and ask him to leave.
A few months later he e-mailed me very politely and asked why I wasn’t interested in seeing him again. I assumed it was a good-faith effort to learn from his mistakes, and replied with a polite message along the lines of “You seem nice enough, but here are the things you did that made me not want to date you again.”
He replied instantly with another request for a date. Honestly. It was just as if I had said nothing at all. I hadn’t removed him from my facebook until that point, but I certainly did it then.
Another guy did the “tell me what you don’t like about me and I’ll change it!” thing. It is quite impossible to extract yourself from such a conversation without being a bitch.
I know very well that most men aren’t like this. However, the dating environment is saturated with them (perhaps because the men who aren’t like this don’t have trouble finding nice girlfriends to keep them out of the dating environment) and sadly, they have ruined things for the rest of you.
No answer IS in fact AN ANSWER and that means “NO.”
If a person is interested in you they WILL answer and even if the email didn’t go through they’d make the move first. OR they’d find a way to accidently contact you.
Remember for most people there is a list and you’re probably not at the top of it. She may get around to if her other friends aren’t doing anything.
Young people especially don’t really make plans anymore, they have their cells all the time and they plan on the fly. Why should they commit to something a week from now and lose a better offer.
It sounds cruel but that is just how it is now-a-days, the cell phone has made people a “now” type of thing.
Not answering a phone call or email isn’t rude, it means NO. I can’t figure out why people can’t understand that.
You exchanged business cards and emailed her?
There was no phone number on the card?
Has 21st century etiquette changed so much that email has surpassed a phone call asking for a date?
Personally, I think you’re better off not going after women who are only interested in you after you make it clear you’re not interested in them. That’s not exactly a good way to get someone mentally stable. Plus, imagine how that breakup could go?
If someone makes it clear they’re not into me, I make a mental note and never consider them again. Hey, life’s too short to pine after people who aren’t down with the FD, you know? Why make myself vulnerable by asking them out when they’ve tried so hard to make it clear they’re not into me?
Hey, I can’t explain how female brains work, I just have to deal with it.
My advice could have gotten him some air time, so that she could see him and then if there was something to grow, it would.
He sent an e-mail to a cute girl. He got in the back of the line. It’s reality, not the way it should be if all were right in the world, but it is reality.
The problem is that a large percentage of attractive women lose interest in a guy if it seems he is hot for them. Even if there is some initial chemistry.
I’m not sure why this is. Perhaps an attractive woman is so used to guys being hot for her that if a guy falls into this pattern, it’s boring to her. Or maybe she subconsciously equates “hot for her” as “desparate and needy.” Or maybe if she is presented with a guy who doesn’t seem particularly hot for her, she infers that he must be very desirable since he’s not fawning all over her. Or maybe she sees it as a challenge.
Whatever the reason, it’s often helpful not to show too much interest.
There’s often a big gap between what women say and how they act. Not that I’m calling you a liar, since there is a small percentage of women who are rational and straightforward about dating. However, people often fool themselves (and others) about their own conduct.