Stuffy wrote
Please do. If I may make a minor suggestion: in stories with many characters, you may want to give them names. It was a bit hard to track P, G, and J2BA3. The Whore on the other had was pretty easy to follow.
My wedding: Bringing Acoholics, Morons and Whores together
Sounds like you should have declared it a dopefest! There are (ahem) some of us that would have fit right in.
Thanks for a really cool tale on a night when everything else had rapidly turned to shit. You saved my Sunday evening! 
Great stories is what it’s all about, man. Thanks for sharing. You’ve got a great way to turn a phrase. A line like “I know what happens when we get together, it’s never pretty and usually ends with the arrival if vehicles with flashing lights” has a cool rhythm to it that makes me laugh.
And this line I love for the slang at the end: Mike is a nice guy, he wanted to be sure that J was telling the truth, and was willing to dump the weed on the side on the side of the road as to not have to do paperwork for $20 dollars worth of mad salad.
I’m just glad nobody got hurt, and you got your wedding off.
Isn’t it nice to know, they may have made bloody hash of your special day, but at least you’ve amused some Dopers, and that’s what really counts 
Bravo, Stuffy! I’m glad you and your wife have stayed together through all your travails and that you have the ability to laugh about it.
Great story, Stuffy! The restaurant may have been a place called The Glory Hole, (which is, in this case at least, an old mining term for a particularly rich vein of ore). It’s too bad they were such a–h----s, if it is the place I’m thinking of, it does have really great steaks and prime rib.
There was also a place in town called The Boardroom, I believe. I think they had great food and a very attentive waiter who was willing to flirt with me even though my boyfriend was sitting right next to me, but I’m not sure because they had really excellent martinis.
Man, I miss Reno.
Let me guess: He was going to see if you’d turn around and go back after a few minutes to see if the weed was still there.
Ladies and gentlemen, with a story like this, a man should never again have to pay for his own beer. If I ever get down your way, you’ve got one on me. –salutes–
All I got to say is . . . we are related, aren’t we?
BTW, this is today’s Threadspotting; It was either that or “Lifetime Movie of the Week.”
your humble TubaDiva
who read all this and nodded her head throughout: “Been there. . . done that . . . felt that . . . played that.”
Just for the sake of clarity I must ask: in a thread partially devoted to details involving whores and booze, what/who exactly did you do and what/who exactly did you feel?
Pay no attention to that notebook to my left:D
Also, glad to see Bill H. found it easy to follow a whore:D
The only way to make this even funnier would be if the Minister said " Mwaiwage…Bwings two pweople togever…"
Next time, wear a wire and a head cam, m’kay. This stuff is comic gold.
Engagement Ring: $1800.00
Inviting your entire insane family to your wedding & paying for it: $3500.00
Seeing your brother’s whorish girl friend strip down nekkid out side the chapel: Priceless
Can’t wait to hear about a family funeral.
You made my story of the last wedding I attended sound pitifully inadequate.
One of the bridesmaids drank herself into a coma (literally - as in ambulance calls, CPR, and spending the weekend on a ventilator), and the police were called because of the fights in the parking lot over who started the bonfire.
And there weren’t any whores.
Best wishes to the bride, and congratulations to you, Stuffy.
Regards,
Shodan
Dude, just…
dude.
Stuffy, thanks for making me tear up with sheer laughter. That was priceless. Although I do feel for you, I mean, what a trainwreck of a family. I’m glad to hear you and your wife made it out alive, and are in good spirits even four years after. 
So… any chance we’re going to see any of the wedding pics? Huh? C’mon, I’ll show you mine if you show me yours!
You get used to it and plan accordingly. To be fair to my family I was laughing about it after a couple of months. Nay is still mad though, she won’t even talk to P; not that there are a lot of opportunities to do so. We just moved back to our old apartment a month ago, and a lot of stuff like photos and knic-knacs are still boxed up, I’ll try to scan and load them up this weekend.
Excellent! I’m betting the woman that made it worth enduring this madness must be one very special bride indeed.
Amazing story. On my next trip to SF, I’d be proud to hop over to Oakland and buy you the beverage of your choice. Assuming, of course, you promise to keep posting stories.
For some reason, I feel like I can really relate to this! I am not inviting ANY of my extended family to my wedding - no matter how much my fiance may beg. And if she insists, I’m showing her this thread and mine!!
FIRE?!?!
What FIRE?
What ELSE has happened to you, you poor, poor soul?
Don’t tell me locusts, frogs and a blood red river were involved, as well…
Patty
Thanks for the entertainment Stuffy, but also (and don’t take this the wrong way) thanks for having a family worse than mine. It’s strangely reassuring. Sad part is, I’m serious.
Oh yes, and your writing style rocks.