Dangerosa,
I’m not sure that all of my irritation is rational. But I do think that Skald is not getting much in the way of sympathy. And he may not even want sympathy.
I keep typing longer versions of this post, and secondguessing myself, so let’s just leave it at that. It’s not that I disagree with anything in your post-except maybe the whining not being part of being a grown-up–I guess I know an awful lot of people who should be grown-ups who haven’t given up whining.
Hmmm…my take: I think your coming home without an intact soul everyday, yet insisting she go to school, is laying a guilt trip on her that she simply doesn’t want. And I don’t blame her. People who love each other don’t put each other through soul-sapping experiences. Refusing to let her contribute the way she wants to (which is the best way she knows to love you) is extremely unfair to her. Make a deal with her. As long as she continues her education (if that’s what SHE wants) within X months, you will find a new job that doesn’t make her feel like she’s ruining your life.
Have you thought of marriage counseling?
'Ello, all, and thanks for the responses!
Mrs. Rhymer and I just had a concilatory lunch and settled some things. I shared my reasons for thinking we were better off with her staying in school; she reiterated her opinion that if I stayed at this job it was going to be damaging to my health, and that it was unfair to her for me to act as if my life were less important than hers. So we compromised as follows:
She’ll investigate the student health care options a few persons mentioned. (Did they have that back in the '88? Because I never heard of it when I was in school. Then again I was working full time and had insurance, so I never had occasion to worry about it.)
She’ll stay in school through the end of this semester no matter what, but, if we haven’t found a solution to the insurance issue by then, she’ll cut back on her hours so she can work more and we can be in a better financial state.
On some issues in the thread: Relay bothers me not because it’s especially boring but because the corporation I work for willfully perverts its purpose. The intent is to facilitate communications between deaf and hearing persons, but to increase our billable hours, the company sets up the rules that allow us to disconnect fraudulent users so that it almost impossible to do so, resulting in a good number of innocent persons getting, at best, annoyed by fraudsters, and, at worse, getting conned and losing money. My disquiet at working there is born of a guilty conscience.
(The obscene phone calls someone alluded to above don’t vex me. Ususually they consist of teenage boys calling themselves trying to make the operator feel uncomfortable by making him proclaim his own homosexuality, and I’m not homophobic enough to be bothered; occasionally they involve teenage girls saying things like “I want to suck the operator’s cock.” Why they think this would bother me is a mystery.)
After ONE ARGUMENT?
No, not because of one argument. Because there might be a dynamic beginning to surface in your extremely young relationship that couldn’t possibly have been dealt with prior to your marriage because you married so quickly after meeting her. I’m not the only one who notices an insistent parent/rebellious child vibe here. I’m not saying anyone is the bad guy…I’m saying that you may both be displaying subconscious behaviors that can be attributed to her youth and the age difference. A counselor might help you relate in a more appropriate way with regard to marital issues.
Sure, get a head start, fewer issues to work through. And you’ll enjoy your fights so much more fun later on because you’ll be able to deliberately circumvent all the coping methods you learned. 
Never mind, I just saw your last post. :smack:
Would you mind giving an example? I am familiar with Deaf Education, and the usual example is of an interpreter translating from child to counselor about drug use.
Skald, you let the cat out of the bag when you made known to your wife how much soul-numbing your relay job was to you…in a way, you derailed your own plan for you and her with your “depressed state” involving your job. She may be under the impression that you are resentful to her for staying in it for her sake. In turn, she doesn’t like that feeling, especially if she is as bright as you say and can do something about it; so she offers to work to fill the gap while you get another job. You, in turn tell her that’s not a good idea because you feel she’ll lose motivation to complete her education. She’s trying to make you happy and you’re rejecting it. This may be her first time feeling rejection on this level, and she feels that she the helpless (marginalized, infantilized, etc.) “partner” in this partnership and feels that you are impeding a solution to the problem.
Apologize to her profusely. You didn’t mean to treat her like a child, but subconsciously, your decisions, actions and words did make her feel that way, real or perceived. Like other posters, come up with a plan that will:
*Find another job FIRST to get you out of your soul-numbing job WITHOUT great sacrifice of benefits. COBRA will be costly, so find a job who offers benefits ASAP.
*If your wife wants to work to fill in the financial gap(s), let her. Ask her to find one with benefits if possible. It will be technically cheaper to insure her as the primary and you as the dependent since she is in her 20s…that might be a way to recover some money for the household.
*Ask her how important college is to her at this point in time. How about each of you write up a list prioritizing:
Find out how close or how far apart you are in your priorities and seek a middle ground that will satisfy both of your concerns. Very “adultish” in my POV.
Also, in the long run of your marriage, during future conversations of this magnitude, have her remind you that she is your wife and not your daughter if and only if she perceives that you are treating her as such when it comes to decision making as a team. She needs her share of empowerment, or she’ll resent you and search for empowerment outside of your marriage. IMHO, this is why a good deal marriages between very older and very younger spouses fail.
On preview, seems a lot has been posted since I stepped out of my office for and hour or so.
As to the OP, I have found “I was wrong, and I am sorry” to be infallible. 
Sort of a hijack, but still good advice: no unplanned pregnancies! Or planned ones, for that matter. You have enough to deal with.
From what I understand Starbucks offers their part time workers health insurance. Perhaps that would be a part time job she could look into?
What is with the “just always tell your wife she is right no matter what” posts. I realize this is kind of a joke (albeit an old one), but I find that attitude patronizing at best. It is demeaning to both the man and the woman. Does anyone actually live this way in their relationships? If my husband ever became a “yes, dear” man I would tell him to go find a spine and talk to me when he is capable of adult interaction.
Carry on.
I agree. I almost want to Pit this attitude. I’ve got enough venom about it. I don’t like the “SWMBO” crap either. If you wanted a mother, go somewhere else.
“infantalizing” a bride is a serious blunder. You should give a whole lot more if you want to keep her.
Velma and Anaamika, that’s not what is going on here…what I do see is that there are a lot of posters agreeing that Skald should apologize for this current issue, not just any issue the two of them may have for the rest of their lives. I see this more as “Be responsible for your own part of the issues/problems/crisis, and do your part to find resolution as a team”. If both spouses do this, then the marriage is on a strong foundation, and resentments will be kept to a minimum. Just because it seems that Skald is advised to be a “yes man” in this situation, that is immaterial because the real issue is doing what benefits and satisfies both as a couple, not just one spouse…Skald thinks that “taking one for the team” is the best solution. Maybe a short term gain, but a long term loss when the resentments pile up (from both spouses) from his unilateral decision. Saying “Yes” or in this situation, “I’m sorry, let’s rework our plan together.” doesn’t make Skald a spineless wimp at all; it makes him a caring partner who values his wife’s input…and it gives her empowerment, respect and equal footing in the relationship. Skald will also benefit from a contributing partner who is more than happy to help through leaner times. Respect is maintained and nookie is had by all.
Not to pick on DtC in particular, but
Yikes. This really bugs me.
I am not going to quote anyone’s names. I don’t want to pick on anyone.
And this is not the only thread I’ve heard this …sentiment in.
Right. For the most part, everyone is fine, but those two comments of “just say sorry and she’s right” are more irritating than we probably should let them be.
Yes, I was thinking of those posts in particular as well, not the overall tone of the thread. Sorry if it’s a hijack.
Darn all of you! I was about to post a scathing and witty comment on how much that attitude bugs me. “Just saying you were wrong” is what’s ACTUALLY infantilizing.
I was going to suggest a sort of compromise you already came up with, Skald, so… uh… go you. And congratulations on your marriage! I remember the threads about your romantic entanglements way back when.