Last Tuesday Mrs. Homie and I both lost our jobs within about 2 hours of each other. We’d already been struggling financially, so this was more or less the final blow. I had gone outside for some reason, and when I came back inside, I found her pressing a knife to her wrist.
As of now, it’s not really clear what’s going to happen to us. Undoubtedly we’re going to have our house foreclosed on - no big loss; it’s a crumbling wreck that’s been an albatross around our necks for a decade. Right now I’m living as a vagabond at her mom’s house. Mrs. Homie is involuntarily hospitalized indefinitely, and at this point it looks like after her release we’re going to have to just start all over, living out of her mom’s basement until we can save up enough money to find a rental place.
So sorry to hear about this!
I can well imagine it feels like the weight of the world is crashing down upon you.
I just hope you both hang in there and realize this could be just a new, great start.
You got rid of a house that seems like it was not the best fit for you to begin with - so that might possibly be a blessing in disguise. Plus, it is not like you are the first people to have a foreclosure, and with proof that you both lost your jobs on same day, any bank will understand when you might want to buy another home in a few years.
Sometimes losing a job is not the worse thing to happen - yes, the economy sucks and finding work is not easy. However, you might discover that you find a better/more lucrative job that you might never have found had it not been for losing this one. I have often found that getting the proverbial boot from one job leads to a better, more satisfying job elsewhere.
So yes, it might all seem bleak at this time, and I hope your wife gets better soon, but this might be the start of something bigger and better that will set you both on a better, happier path in the future.
Best wishes to you both, and hopes that things change for the better soon!
HeyHomie, I hope better days come soon! You’re both in my thoughts - and if you want to talk, or vent, or ramble, or yell, or scream, or well just bitch and moan for awhile, PM me!
Bummer. The nice thing about hitting rock bottom is that sometimes you really DO feel like you can move upwards now. It doesn’t sound like your wife was really suicidal, so that’s good.
Forget about the house. It’s not worth it, it wasn’t getting you anywhere, etc.
See what you can do to apply for assistance to get those bills paid and let Dopers help you be resourceful.
I know everything feels hopeless right now, but try to remember that things can and will change. I was almost hospitalized earlier this year for suicidal ideation, as a bad cocktail of medications plus unemployment for over a year was just too much for me to bear. To a certain extent, what you both are going through is normal. I never appreciated what a fantastic mind fuck unemployment is until I went through it myself. But eventually I managed to pick myself up off my feet, get a good job, and begin to have hope for the future again.
The most important thing right now is the safety of you and your wife. For now, she is in the hospital, she is safe. And it sounds like you at least have a place to stay. You guys need to put together a support network - one for you and one for her - immediately. That is the single most important thing your wife can do in order to feel better, and you are going to need some kind of outlet as well. (My mental illness has always been hard on my husband, but he copes much better now that he has people to talk it over with.) It’s time to call in favors from everyone who loves you, even if that favor is taking an hour to listen to your problems. You might be surprised who comes out of the woodwork to support you.
You also need a plan - if she begins to feel this badly again, what concrete actions will be taken? Contacting her therapist? Calliing her sister? Taking a bubble bath? Write every possibility down because when you’re that depressed I have learned you are extraordinarily uncreative about your remaining options.
As for your economic situation, it does matter. But it’s not as important as the two of you surviving. Eventually you will begin to sort through all that. You can’t do that overnight. In the meantime, take care of yourselves as well as you possibly can, and lean on one another, and tackle it together, as a team. Try to focus on the things that can’t be taken from you - like your love for one another.
Having gone through bankruptcy a couple of years back, let me tell you;
The worst part of all of this is the fear and anticipation of Bad Things™.
It took me a long time to get around to doing it, because I was so afraid of losing everything. I looked at my posessions and thought “They’ll take all of this away from me. I’ll have nothing.” Well that’s not true. They don’t want my crap, they don’t want yours. They don’t value your things at what they cost new, they value them at essentially ‘fire sale’ prices. I had about 160 DVDs and 220 CDs. Value for bankruptcy purposes? About $250 tops. My 10 year old TV? Worthless. My 20 year old stereo with all the gizmos? Maybe $50. I spent a couple of days carefully cataloging everything I had and assigning it a value. I wasn’t anywhere close to the exclusion amount.
I had a lot of fear and trepidation while I did all of this, leading up to my court date. But it was smooth, calm, and very very easy. I talked to the judge for about 5 minutes at the most. He asked me a few basic informational questions, we ran into a minor issue of me not having my most recent bank statement they wanted - and that was solved by pointing out that given the date of the last statement, the current one wouldn’t be available until the following Monday.
And that was it.
To be sure, I spent a year without a bank account and had to deal in cash and with check cashing places. But I was out from under some crushing debt. And out from under a thousand metric tons of fear and self-doubt.
That was over two years ago and things are so much better for me now. I got a better job (that I love) making 50% more money. I get to do things like paying for half of my parent’s anniversary dinner last week. When I’d been freeloading on such events for 7-8 years.
So HeyHomie, let go of the house. As you say, it’s been an albatross around your neck. It’s only fear keeping you back, and it’s fear that drove your wife to do what she did.
A close relative of mine checked herself into an institution years ago. We didn’t even know what was going on. She ended up getting out of a bad marriage, losing her home, moving in with her parents. A few years and some medication later, she’s happy, holding down a good job, and maintaining her own apartment.
You’ll be fine financially. Money and jobs and homes come and go, just be there for your wife. Ideally you only get one of those so make her your priority.
Sorry to hear that all your troubles crashed down on you at once. As several people have pointed out, jobs and houses come and go – take care of your wife. You’ll get through this.
Thank you everyone for your well-wishes and positive thoughts.
To those who have asked about my job situation- I have a pretty solid resume in Social Services, so I shouldn’t have too much trouble finding another job. Even in a bad economy, there are always going to be people with special needs, so I can always get a midnight shift at a group home. Gonna start pounding the pavement tomorrow.