Ah, dude. Sorry for your hurt. Be nice to yourself.
Skald, I’m sorry. Let us know what we can do to help. PM me if want.
You are a very decent, fundamentally sound human being. We (the world at large) need you. Please hang in there; things will get better.
Day-um! That sucks, Skald.
You don’t know me from Adam, but you’re one of the reasons that I hang out on the Dope. I like and respect the Skald that posts here. Your posts have made some of my rough days a bit easier to endure. If there’s any way, as a fellow doper, that I can do as much for you, just ask. I’m sure that would go for anyone already posted and some that haven’t seen this thread yet.
That said, make sure you take care of yourself physically as well as mentally. You need both to face what the future holds, no matter what the outcome. You, Kim and your families will remain in my thoughts.
{{Skald}}}
Just another Doper who cares dropping in to say “I’m sorry you’re hurting.”
This is the kind of situation that turns good guys into assholes. Don’t let her bad decisions control who you’re going to be. You like who you’ve become, and that is it’s own reward.
So, cry, type, talk. We’re here, we care, we’re listening. . .
I also think it would be useful to at least have a conversation with the minister. Find out where he stands on all this, and whether he/the church is behind it. They may not be, which might hurt even more; but I suspect you’re like me in that the most painful truth leads to healing, whereas a lie or a half-truth, no matter how soft and sweet, will keep me miserable.
Also, a counseling environment, even if it’s not completely neutral, may give her the feeling of safety she needs to be completely honest. You deserve to know what’s really going on here. I don’t know if you’ll get the truth, you may have to learn to live without it, but it’s defintely worth trying (within reason) to get it.
Again, Im sorry for what you’re going through. If any of what I have written is off-base I apologize in advance.
Yet another one who was scratching his head trying to figure out what the joke was. Shit.
Sorry, Skald. I hope you can reach equilibrium again sooner rather than later, but don’t push yourself. Take it as easy as you think you possibly can.
I am holding your bees for you. They are rightly pissed off but I am humming lullaby’s to calm them down. When you are ready for them again I’ll send them and the sweet honey they produced back to you. It’s all that you deserve. Hugs and best wishes.
I’m sorry, Skald.
You will survive this. What a nightmare in the meantime.
Does she seem to be calm or do her emotions still seem to be in chaos?
I’m sorry that you are hurting, but I can understand why.
Hasn’t she posted here?
Just another of your many fans, Skald, checking in to commiserate about how difficult this is, and that I wish I were closer IRL so that I could buy you a beer or something. You don’t deserve this.
Skald, it’s not your fault. Definitely not 100% to be sure.
Crap, I don’t know what else to say. You’re in my thoughts.
Sorry to hear this. I went through a similar situation: don’t spend too much time agonizing over what you might have said or done to prevent this. The religion thing sounds like a lame justification, but regardless, something in her wants to do this. If that’s the case, better to learn about it now than in three or four years of enduring a relationship as it grinds to a stop. (Okay; my bleak opinion. I’m just assuming from the way you recount things that it’s just over).
As a preventative measure, try to keep up a routine in your life – get to work, visit with friends, work out, whatever. You’ll still have pointless nights of self doubt, but having things going on in your life may lessen their frequency and/or duration. You have to start healing; I wish you luck.
Aw… fucknuggets.
Skald. Remember this: you will survive this. A year will pass. And you will survive. Whatever happens, happens, and you will not die from it. And the pain may not vanish, but it will lessen. Memory of pain never hurts like pain while you’re experiencing it. So… stick with it, and things will be better.
This bears repeating.
There’s also the chance that Skald and wife will get together, it is not polite to make these comments until all it’s said and done.
I’m sorry, Skald. Hang in there. We’re here for you.
Li’lbro’s one and only hangover lasted all of Friday, all of Saturday, and he finally exited his room around lunchtime on Sunday looking like he’d be rejected from the casting of a Romero film on grounds of looking too dead.
Li’lbro: Dad?
Dad: yeah?
Li’lbro: You know you said never to mix drinks? Man you were so right… aaaaay
I’d never known that hangovers hurt all over, since I’d never had one (still haven’t, it’s an experience I plan on skipping). It sounded like the worst case of the flu ever (one of the Spanish names for the flu is “trancazo,” “a beating”), with photophobia and dizziness for extra entertainment.
I don’t know how will this end, nobody does. We know and you know it wasn’t the pastor, it wasn’t her mother; it’s many little things which she can’t quite put into words. Not now, maybe never.
All you can do for now as things stand is take care of yourself. For anything we can help with please let us know; there won’t be much most of us can do beyond put words on the internet but whatever we can…
There’s nothing I can say other than that you have my sympathy, and also that this might not be forever. You’re both upset right now, and maybe if she does leave and stay away for a few days, that’ll give her time to straighten things out in her head and let her find out a way to communicate to you the things that are bothering her.
Of course, that also may never happen. At any rate, try to stay strong, and know that the board’s here if you need a shoulder to cry on or people to bitch to.
Damn it, man. I’m sorry.
Religious differences between couples can be tough - and I have some experience in this. My wife and I do NOT see eye to eye on religion. Fortunately, I’m the believer and I have no intention to convert her; she’s a bit more strident in her atheism than I am in my belief, but I think she’s finally reached the conslusion that my chances of changing are as small as hers. Still, we have our arguments.
Having gone through counselling for depression, anxiety and self-esteem issues I can tell you that there have been many many times where I have blamed, or have come very close to blaming, my spouse for problems which were ultimately caused by my internal perception rather than anything she’d said or done, but which I couldn’t even fully articulate to myself. It’s hard.
Maybe your wife going away for a while will give her a chance to sort out which problems and stresses are genuinely relationship-based and which ones are her own issues coloring her perceptions. Or not; I don’t know. And the religious stuff may just cloud things further.
But I do hope that both of you (and your stepdaughter too) are able to come through this without too much more turmoil.
'nother bar of soap checking in. Cripes, I’m sorry to hear about this, Skald—I killed a possum* rushing home to post this after reading the OP on my work computer.
All I can or know how to say is just to take care of yourself, compadre—you deserve it.
I can offer to be a jester-like distraction, if you need. If I’m good for anything, it’s for coming up with something to keep your mind occupied in off hours.
*Didn’t run it over, just killed one. It made more sense at the time…