It’s a cultural difference but it has to go both ways. Your wife needs to understand why you’re upset just as much as you’re expected to tolerate cultural superstitions. Does she understand?
She says she told me plainly before this she did not want these things in the house and that I was inviting a blight and I brought them again, but I did not think she meant she was going to kill them.
I didn’t take it serious and thought it was just superstitious nonsense, but she didn’t explain how serious it was really.
I dunno I just feel blindsided kind of, if she had gone into detail how badly it upset her and told me not to do it again I would have agreed. I just feel kind of stunned.
How does she feel about opening an umbrella in the house? Breaking a mirror? If she thinks those things are dumb, explain to her the frog thing is just as dumb to you. The rest of the planet thinks nothing of it and vice versa. It won’t fix what happened, but might get the message across she needs to explain her worst superstitions to you better or you won’t take them seriously. Because they’re nonsense where you’re from, just like your cultural ones are to her.
Does she know that “inviting a blight” is imaginary?
I understand how powerful superstitions can be, and I understand being genuinely upset over something that you know is irrational.
But it sounds like your wife thinks this stuff is real.
I’m not superstitious at all, I have none. So it really only came up with her, and minor stuff like a bracelet she insisted our son wear as a new born or stuff like that. She also insisted as a baby and a toddler he not be exposed to “dew” which is drizzleing rain or mist which it is believed will make a baby or toddler sick, I kind of discounted this as not scientific but had total strangers stopping me and explaining the concept. But in a place with a rainy and dry season, which means for half the year it rains and doesn’t the other half it was almost impossible to go anywhere with your kid and not get some drizzle on you. No kidding total strangers would stop me and say hey you’re letting that baby get dew :mad:!
I basically just got into the habit of ignoring local superstitions as nonsense.
I don’t think she did it to hurt me or make me angry at all, she just views it like she got rid of dangerous vermin I was ignoring her about. Like if I was raising cockroaches that could spread a deadly disease and kept bringing them inside.
EDIT:Another one I remembered is she would warn me from the first time I did it not to pick up coins on the ground in public, if I saw a coin higher than a penny I’d pick it up. Apparently this is seriously bad, you’re absorbing the luck or troubles of whoever dropped it which could be horrible. I was just picking it up because it was money, and even told her in the USA people think coins you find like a penny is lucky, people will say hey lucky penny.
Why didn’t you just respect her desire to not have them in the house? It really does sound like she made her feelings perfectly clear.
If you brought in a box of spiders, many relatively sane people would support your wife poisoning them. This is clearly a cultural difference, not someone needing mental help. Superstitions are silly, but common enough to be normal.
I guess I had become kind of dismissive about the superstitions, which is my fault, but you hear so much something is going to sicken or kill you/your family/your kid you start laughing it off. I did not understand how seriously she took it, and didn’t realize how badly frogs are viewed.
I explained to her in the USA it is common to raise tadpoles so kids can see them turn into frogs, she just flat can’t believe this and says she has never heard of it or seen it… She just flat can’t believe this is common place.
Poor tadpoles.
I never said you had superstitions, only that your culture does. Tell her some of the ones you heard growing up and she might start to see if yours are absurd, maybe hers are too.
I bet you could find YouTube stuff of an American with tadpoles in their house.
No, we’d say the same thing. Or at least, I would. Killing a random spider is one thing. Killing a box full of them that is contained, when she knew her husband wanted to keep them? Going straight from “I told you I didn’t want them in the house” to killing them in an “I told you so” gambit?
She clearly was okay with them being outside the house. She didn’t insist grude kill them the first time. So why did she kill them rather than take them back outside? He may disagree, but I think his wife did it to teach him a lesson, and I don’t think adult partners should treat each other that way. I don’t think killing anything is an appropriate response to a dispute like this.
Her refusal to believe him about US cultural practices doesn’t sound all that great, either. It sounds to me that he is having to acquiesce to her culture, but she doesn’t to his. That’s why I would suggest working it out, possibly with a therapist. Marriage should involve a compromise.
Of course, I’m just armchairing this. The husband knows his wife better than anyone. He can consider what I say to be completely wrong and thus dismiss it. I’m just sharing my opinion from the facts given. He has lots more facts to work with.
Damn, some of you folks are really overreacting. Suggesting marriage counseling or therapy because the woman killed a few tadpoles over a silly superstition? Ridiculous. Some of you are acting like he found his kid’s pet bunny in a pot on the stove.
Sounds like the OP obviously knows his wife is superstitious about many things. He should have paid attention when she told him she didn’t want the tadpoles in the house. I don’t endorse the wife’s beliefs or actions, but this incident doesn’t even register on the scale of harmful superstitions.
Elsewhere you said:
Was that before or after this current incident (or is it one and the same)?
I expect the next time something bad happens your wife will blame you (and your crapuad) for it.I’m guessing she’s hot.
Not feeling the outrage. Apparently she was clear about not wanting them in the house and you brought them back in. Killing them was drastic but as you say, she saw it as necessary to keep vermin out of the house.
>> “I basically just got into the habit of ignoring local superstitions as nonsense.”
Your choice to do so but if you are living in a foreign culture and treat it as “nonsense” than expect to run into things like this. I’m not suggesting that you need to adopt the beliefs but viewing your wife’s ideas as nonsense is going to cause issues.
I’d be really concerned if a tadpole opened an umbrella in my house.
Superstition, phobia, just didn’t like the slimy little buggers… Your wife told you plainly she didn’t want them in the house. You ignored her. You decided she was ridiculous and she didn’t get to be comfortable in her own home. She upped the ante, but you pushed her to it. Are you always such a smug pompous control freak?
A big, unfortunate misunderstanding. You didn’t understand how serious your wife was about no tadpoles in the house. These things happen, especially between couples from different backgrounds. Explain to her why you’re so upset, and try to communicate better in the future.
If I brought a box of baby snakes into my house, my wife would move out. She’s enough of a pacifist to not harm the snakes, but no way in hell would she inhabit the same home.
Yeah, I think this might be cultural. The people I know who have superstitions generally do believe it’s real, and not some sort of irrational quirkiness or ritual. Like you said, superstitions can be powerful. If I know someone is seriously superstitious about something, I just accommodate it as best I can, as no amount of logic or rationality is going to change their views.
Ever again. Because how can you be sure they are ever all gone? I would be hearing snakes in the walls forever. Eww.