My wife doesn’t want to harm the garter snakes we find around our property, but she hates the fact that they gorge on her more preferred species (toads, chiefly). So I have to catch them and put them into a feed sack. She hikes miles into the woods and releases them.
Last year one got out of the sack in our integral garage. She was freaking out. It was either catch the snake or burn the house to the ground and rebuild. I allowed the snake to bite me so I could grab it with my other hand before it got under my workbench.
LOL. Clearly mrs grude deserves that accolade, after all her controlling actions cannot be reversed. She could have insisted that grude remove the tadpoles from the house, or simply removed them herself.
I don’t know what country this took place in but destroying someone else’s property is illegal in most civilised countries (for good reasons).
I don’t like the many cushions my SO has distributed about the house, some of her choice of reading doesn’t meet my exacting tastes and don’t get me started about her CD collection. We even have some chickens that I didn’t really want myself though they don’t (yet) live in the house. I think I’ll have a bonfire (or would that be a barbecue?), and when she remonstrates with me, I’ll leave it to you to explain to her what a pompous control freak she is.
It’s not just the tadpoles, it’s that there are a lot of disagreements between them based on superstitions, especially regarding raising their child. When it’s okay to take the baby outside, making the baby wear a specific bracelet, what the kid can eat. Neither of them seem to take the other’s beliefs seriously. grude doesn’t need to indulge all of his wife’s superstitions, but he can’t just blow them off completely, since they do seem to be pretty well ingrained in her. If he hadn’t blown them off before, maybe he would have been able to tell better how seriously she takes the tadpole thing and not brought the tadpoles back inside. I’m not saying it’s okay that she poisoned the tadpoles because they would bring harm to the house, I know that’s crazy, but I could see in her mind that it’s like bringing a wasp nest inside, or maybe his collection of oily rags and flammable objects. She shouldn’t be catered to completely, ideally they could find compromises for most of the superstitions- like he could raise tadpoles if they never, ever come inside; their son could go outside when there’s “dew” if he’s well protected and dried off immediately when inside, or something like that.
Man, you need to preface all of your posts with “I’m an American but I live in Trinidad, with my wife who is Trinidadian. Our neighbors and housemates are her relatives. Also, my mother is batshit insane.”
That way we can avoid all of the inevitable posts that assume you’re talking about your WASP wife acting weird in the suburbs of Chicago, and your mom suddenly acting mean for no reason [not a factor in this particular post].
I’m married to a latina and find every week another superstition. Some are mild such as she cannot open the refrigerator after ironing with out her arms cramping to she cannot sit on concrete with out her vagina being invaded by germs a particular kind. So decide if her superstitions are worth it or not.
Maybe the wife COULD have just taken them back outside (though expecting an irrationally phobic person to just pick up the offending object and tote it out is unrealistic), but then grude would possibly have just gone ahead and carried them back in and on it would go. Her objections were ignored, and only after this drastic and irreversible action is he taking them seriously. If you are married to a person who believes in nonsensical crap, it’s real TO THEM, and you must treat it as such or expect them to keep resolving the matter as they see fit.
She doesn’t want to go to the beach with a pantsless kid or tolerate frogs in the house. This is not asking so much.
FWIW I was in Poland, in the middle of a blazing hot summer mind you, and was sitting on the concrete wall by a city fountain enjoying the view when an old Polish lady came right up to me and gave me a lecture about the horrible things I was doing to my vagina by sitting there. Something about cold stones messing up my baby-making parts. My memory does not recall whether or not I kept a straight face.
That said, this thread is full of … sadness? fail? I dunno, but it’s full of something. Tadpoles are just baby frogs, and frogs eat mosquitoes and flies and other things I don’t want flying around my head.
purplehorseshoe, who lost a husband to a mosquito-borne virus, but even before that always loved frogs and toads very much …
(ETA: would it be way wrong to point out the mosquito-vector issue?)
I don’t even understand why you insisted on bringing the tadpoles in the house in the first place. They would have been fine outside, you could still have shown them to your son (unless he’s not allowed outside at all). You could have been risking killing them yourself by moving them. I don’t like that your wife’s next step was to kill the tadpoles and plants but you really should have paid more attention to her objections and not brought them in the house a second time after her objection, especially when you have had previous experience with her superstitious nature.
Maybe you don’t need marriage counseling but you should really talk it out with her without belittling her beliefs.
No, he had them inside and she made him take them out. Later, he brought them back inside to put them in a different container, and forgot to take them back out.
He could have just done the container transfer outside and not brought them back in after she made it clear that she did not want them inside at all.
Yep. That’s a typical Eastern/Central European superstition. Sitting on cold stone will make you infertile or something. It’s up there with Korean fan death,
Before you read my opinions, keep in mind that I’m not married and never have been, so my experience of the required compromise is limited. I’m quite intolerant of wacky superstitions and even less tolerant of cruelty to animals. I also have a soft spot for amphibians. With that in mind:
This is insane. I couldn’t share a bed with someone who takes their superstitions to such extremes that they’re willing to poison animals that are important to you. It’s sneaky, cruel and crazy. I think seeing tadpoles grow into frogs is something every child should get to experience as they grow up. You’re trying to teach your son about nature and the world around him, whereas she is trying to close minds, impose her superstitions on others, and live in, apparently, any century but this one.
I think at the very least, you need to talk about this seriously and reach an understanding on the extent to which she can force her superstitions on you. At the very least, if she wants to “correct” your “mistakes”, she needs to talk to you first. But honestly, I don’t know how this can work without one of you giving up a lot. If she truly believes some inconsequential thing brings a “blight” on your home, it’s going to be difficult for her to give ground, so it looks like it’s going to have to be you doing all the acquiescing. I wish you the best of luck with that.
To those defending a woman who poisons the animals her husband is raising, all I can do is
I hate what his wife did but I think he should have had enough experience with her superstitions to not push her on that. My first reaction actually was “that’s crazy! Why did she have to kill those poor little frogs?” Then I read the stuff about her superstitions and I tried to look at things from her point of view.
I abhor animal cruelty, I work in the animal health field so I have dedicated my life to the care of animals I am disgusted by what she did. That said I also realize that many other cultures have different ideas of what constitutes animal cruelty and what animals are “good” and “bad”.
She obviously saw these tadpoles as not only a pest but a bad omen, a harbinger of death in her home with her young child. She must have felt her child was more important than an animal considered a pest and her husband had ignored her wishes and brought them in the house a second time. What was to stop him from doing it again and again? What parent wouldn’t kill an animal if they felt their child was in danger?
We trap and kill rats, mice, spiders and insects in our homes and not because we consider them bad omens but because of potential health risks and because we find them disgusting. How is that different? Buddists, Jainists and maybe some other religions would probably think we are horrible for this and for eating other animals, too.
It’s all a matter or perspective. Yes, I hate what she did but I don’t think she is a horrible human being and I don’t think grude is either. It was a misunderstanding between them but it could have been prevented if he had given her feelings a little more thought and maybe talked to her about it after the first incident, instead of ignoring it and bringing them in again. I hope he keeps this in mind in the future and instead of brushing off her beliefs, asks some questions about it and come to some sort of understanding between the two.
Sorry, if I am being too forgiving or trying to give the crazy tadpole-murdering wife a little understanding. I don’t think grude is willing to end his marriage and break up his family over some tadpoles. I understand he was hurt and a little mortified at the idea, but I don’t think he needs the "OMG, SHE CRAY-CRAY! RUN AWAY, DUDE!"advice.
And grude, I am sorry if it came across that I was beating you up about it, just please try to talk this over with your wife and try to understand each other’s viewpoints.
He lives in Trinidad? He lives in Trinidad? Well, crap. I take back my post then. His wife should divorce him. He’s the frog in a different pond. If he doesn’t like it, get out in some fashion.
Here I was thinking they were living in middle America and worrying I was going to start reading headlines like this soon:
Teens’ Disturbing New Trend - Zombie-Powdering Tuh Homeless
I don’t want to create a big argument here, but there is a clear difference. Apart from the fact that there is evidence of the potential health risks and damage caused by mice and rats, and apart from the fact that frogs actually eat pests, those animals are not constrained within a bucket that can be moved. The tadpoles weren’t taking over the house and grude’s wife wasn’t in a position where she had to either live with them or kill them.
I’m wondering if the OP reflexively says “God bless you.” to people who sneeze. Or taps several times on the top of a pull top can of beer before he opens it.
So what if he says “god bless you?” Engaging in superstitious behavior does not mean that one truly believes in magic.
Consider the difference between these two statements:
“Frogs will bring a blight on the house.”
“In Trinidad, we have strong taboos against having frogs in the house. This bucket of tadpoles is making me feel very uncomfortable. Please take it outside and don’t bring ot back in.”
