[QUOTE=Shayna]
I’m sorry, but that’s just ridiculous. Nobody here has suggested that you see a lawyer so that you can start divorce proceedings before your wife does. No, the point is that you need to consult an attorney in your jurisdiction so that you can be informed of your legal rights and responsibilities if she continues to pursue divorce over reconciliation. You need to be armed with facts, not feelings.
Find out what you should do if she comes up to you tomorrow and says, “I want a divorce and I want you out of the house by [x date].” How does your compliance or non-compliance affect your legal standing with regard to your assets, custody, etc.?
If she elects to leave the marriage and takes the children with her (as one poster above said she did), what will be your recourse to physically getting your children back in their home? Do you really think it’s wise to wait until she’s absconded with your children before you even start looking for a lawyer, scheduling an appointment and sitting down for a meeting? For all the time that could take, you could be losing legal ground every single day for all you know!
Don’t be foolish! Protect yourself with information. And if you’re able to reconcile, all you’ve done is educate yourself, and there’s nothing wrong with that!
I wish you the very best of luck. I can’t imagine how much this must suck. But dammit, don’t get blindsided and then shut out of your kids’ life like my sister has done to her husband. Stop thinking of yourself and your sadness, or your wife and what she may or may not tell her friends and family, and start thinking about your children and what will be best for them!
Argh! You’re making me want to shake you, man! Just take the good advice you’ve been given!
[/QUOTE]
This is very solid advice.
I’m not your lawyer, but your lawyer is the one person you should schedule a visit with post haste.
If you’ve been given a hint that your marriage is in such condition as to make divorce a possibility (and it seems pretty clear from what you’ve said that your marriage is in that sort of state), then you need information.
I’m not advocating a rush to file - or even filing at all, to be blunt. And a good divorce attorney won’t necessarily advise that either.
Do you know what the legal ramifications are of your wife moving out of the marital home? Of you moving out of the marital home? Are there any?
Do you know how a property division might go?
How about your jurisdiction’s general view on spousal support (it varies widely)?
How about your jurisdiction’s general view on custody? Is one primary custodial parent or a joint-parenting arrangement preferred?
Your lawyer is required to keep confidential - so spilling your marital secrets prematurely isn’t really a consideration.
Having concrete information about the possibilities if a divorce actually happens is very, very important. If you ultimately reconcile, then that’s wonderful! If you don’t, then at least you’ll have an idea of what’s going on - and what you can do to help yourself out. The point is, you have nothing at all to loose by seeing a lawyer, except possibly a couple of hundred bucks, and quite a lot to gain. You don’t even have to tell your wife you’re seeing an attorney - although, personally, I wouldn’t feel comfortable keeping it from my spouse, even under those circumstances. Having concrete information will spare you from at least some of the “Well, what if…” sorts of questions - you’ll know most of those answers already.
Oh, and on a personal note, quit sleeping in the basement. It’s your house, too!
