Nagging thoughts that keep Dr_P up at night

Like I get the chance to sleep anyway… grumble… :mad:

  1. What if there are other Clintons? (Baldwins/Stallones/Bushes/Chretiens)

  2. With today’s world changing so quickly, and new species disappearing put-near daily, will my kids ever get to enjoy a new sequel to “Police Academy”?

  3. Thirty years from now, will there be a nostalgia, life-was-so-good-back-then movie based on “Night Court” or “Judge Judy”?

  4. What if the Iron Chef and the South Park chef are the same person? Which one would have the balls to win in a Roshambo competition?

  5. Who will I have to kill if someone ressurects my “Horsecleaning” thread again?

  6. Does Phobos have has hand on The Button? Is he really fooling anyone with this “just a physicist” dodge when it is clear no one on this board (certainly including me) knows squat about fluid mechanics?

  7. What if I get jailed for unpaid speeding tickets and have to share a cell with Peace?

  8. What would I do if I accidentally invited a vampire into my apartment like in Salem’s Lot when he sees his friend floating outside his bedroom window?

  9. Was it so bad that I ate a bowlful of “Cool Whip Light” for lunch, given that for me the actual chance to eat lunch consists of “fine dining”?

  10. Is it wrong for me to relieve stress by dressing up like Smurfette, going downtown and rolling street punks for spare change?

At 1 in the morning, my thoughts won’t let me be: wife’s boobs a-bouncing, and me breathing heavily.

At 2 in the morning, my thoughts won’t let me be: evilbeth and Cool Whip, wife’s boobs a-bouncing, and me breathing heavily.

At 3 in the morning, my thoughts won’t let me be: pics of Mockingbird, evilbeth and Cool Whip, wife’s boobs a-bouncing, and me breathing heavily.

At 4 in the morning, my thoughts won’t let me be: ssskuggiii’s porno vids, pics of Mockingbird, evilbeth and Cool Whip, wife’s boobs a-bouncing, and me breathing heavily.

At 5 in the morning, my thoughts won’t let me be: Silly Rabbit moaning, ssskuggiii’s porno vids, pics of Mockingbird, evilbeth and Cool Whip, wife’s boobs a-bouncing, and me breathing heavily.

At 6 in the morning, there’s no more time for sleep: Nut… Freezing… Shower…

I’m just glad I don’t sleep with either one of you. I’d never get a wink of sleep! Nothing but questions…

Holy hannah, St. Atilla! You’ll have to let me hear your version of “The Twelve Days of Christmas” sometime.

Well sucks to you, lola. Go back to sleeping with Opus. I can’t remember if you ended upo marrying him or not, IIRC he looked like a toadstool.

Well in the interests of your health, let me try and answer some of those mind-jarring questions.

  1. Are there are other Clintons? Baldwins/Stallones/Bushes/Chretiens)

The answer is yes. The US has been engaged in a secret cloning/genetic engineering program for decades. This is being conducted with the sole purpose of creating a complete idiot that will blindly tout what ever rubbish is feed to them, while still appealing to a large enough demographic for the one world government to finally overthrow the Dark Lodge (fortunately, where these clones have no hope competing with the porn star clones they have developed as a counter measure)

  1. With today’s world changing so quickly, and new species disappearing put-near daily, will my kids ever get to enjoy a new sequel to “Police Academy”?

The answer is again yes it is called ‘The Truth Final Revealed’. This should finally counter-act the long term effects caused by the terrorist actions of ‘Hollywood’. Although shocked by the initial offensive launched, and despite a number of copy-cat criminal organisations trying to perpetuate the revolution, we have ever confidence that this final solution will work. Leaving these vile attacks as only a grisly reminder of the bad old days of democratic anarchy. PS there have been no disappearances they were all a myth perpetuated by our foes (be forever vigilant)

  1. Thirty years from now, will there be a nostalgia, life-was-so-good-back-then movie based on “Night Court” or “Judge Judy”?
    Yes, The delights of the perfect totalitarian state where justice is capriciously dealt out, to all those who would question the way of their master, shall always be remembered
  1. What if the Iron Chef and the South Park chef are the same person? Which one would have the balls to win in a Roshambo competition?
    Hmm, I recommend the series of re-educational tapes (available for only 666 payments of 99.99), if they are the same person obviously ‘Chef from South Park’ would win (we have to make money from the side bets you know)

  2. Who will I have to kill if someone ressurects my “Horsecleaning” thread again?
    You will have to kill the state Governor of course (please await further instructions as we do not have our replacement clone in place quite yet)

  3. Does Phobos have has hand on The Button? Is he really fooling anyone with this “just a physicist” dodge when it is clear no one on this board (certainly including me) knows squat about fluid mechanics?
    Phobos does have his hand on the button (fortunately for us all, we have disconnected it)
    No he has fooled no one, we know all and have our eye on him. (PS Fluids do not have mechanics they have plumbers.)

  4. What if I get jailed for unpaid speeding tickets and have to share a cell with Peace?
    Do not fear Peace has been re assigned to a hospital for the criminal insane. You of course will be summarily executed [after you assassination of the state governor], for your crimes against humanity.

  5. What would I do if I accidentally invited a vampire into my apartment like in Salem’s Lot when he sees his friend floating outside his bedroom window?
    Thank us for having arranged such an interesting execution.

  6. Was it so bad that I ate a bowlful of “Cool Whip Light” for lunch, given that for me the actual chance to eat lunch consists of “fine dining”?
    Yes, all medical practitioner are prohibited from consuming lethal mind altering substances while on the job, please restrict such activities to the privacy of your own home in future.

  7. Is it wrong for me to relieve stress by dressing up like Smurfit, going downtown and rolling street punks for spare change?
    No, we are pleased to see that you are once more engaged in the approved leisure activities of today’s modern society. Although we do feel that it would be nice, if you could invite your friends along on such activities.

No sleep well, knowing that we will look after you.

So are you suggesting that wasn’t really John in all those movies? Thanks a lot, now I’ll never fall asleep! (Just step into the machine again, Ms. Swift).

Sure, and I’m the guy who took too much medication.

And where did you think I worked again?

Screw you, taxpayer. I had garlic potatoes for dinner!

Would I have to clone Smurfette, wpould she no longer be the village wench, or would you be willing to dress up as Brainy?

Hmmm…me…St. Attila…Cool Whip…well, no sleep for me tonight either! :wink:

Don’t those boobs get sensitive after bouncing for five hours? You know, start crying and talking about rainbows?

John, John who? I deny all knowledge of a John participating in any activity anywhere ever. But Johan II is a very versatile actor and we are pleased by the results that we are now obtaining from its performances. You do not need to worry too much you are due to be cycled off sleep deprivation and on to the water reinforcement program no latter than the third of the month.

Medication is always an acceptable alternative. It is the blatant misuse of the non-proscription chemicals such as “Cool Whip Light” that we deplore.
PS we have you currently scheduled for a gender reassignment, which should remove all possibility of you being the guy who did anything.

The cover story involving the hospital was changed last week and the official line is now “day care centre”. The law suits for malpractice where becoming unbearable. Please read all memos carefully in future.

Thank you for your kind offer to taxpayer I will pass it on and try and arrange a meeting in the near future. In the mean time we are please that the meal was to your satisfaction and that you could not tell the difference in our new GM (non-vampire retardant) garlic.

No your friends can go as little red ridding hood preferably with tight red mini-skirts, we have several costumes availed for the very reasonable rate of 49.95 per blood stain. Visa or Master card accepted.
Smurfette will always be the village wench (at least while you are playing the role).
My current guise is currently classified.

Have a nice day and rest easy, we know what is best for you.

Originally posted by evilbeth

Oh, look. I’m infectious. One of my more endearing qualities. :slight_smile:

Originally posted by Dr_Paprika

No, no, that’s only after the hallucinations kick in after three nights of sleep deprivation.

This is currently the nagging thought keeping me up nights: Does my dawg have a bad self-image because she sees me constantly, furiously trying to rid my house/clothes/self of dawg hair?

Is she thinking, “HEY! That’s MINE! I left it there for a REASON! Ingrate…”

  1. What would I do if I could fornicate with the hottest being ever- but it turns out he’s a vampire, and he just might bite me while we were doing the dirty dingo? (Dilemma, dilemma…)

  2. What if everything I ever hoped, believed in, prayed for, and loved was false, an elaborate set of lies? Meh…I’d probably deal.

  3. Will they screw the election up next time, too?

  4. What if there aren’t aliens? What if we’ve been hoping for extra-terrestrial beings, but it turns out we’re alone. Planet earth, spinning its way into doom, all by itself?

  5. How exactly it is that one can tell the difference between a stuffed animal and a regular animal on an animated show/movie?

  6. What would i do if i hear my favorite song ever on the radio and it ends before I can get its name? What if I never hear my favorite song and I die without it?

Oh great. I don’t actually think of that stuff late at night, but now I’m going to. Thanks, Dr. P. :cool:

Nymysys

Fear not she is delighted that you have been trained to do this trick successfully (almost every time) when there is no one around, however she would appreciate it if you would occasionally perform when she shows you off to guests.

Zoggie

[List=1]
[li]Vampires only bite afterwards I think of it as insuring that those awkward moments the next morning never eventuate :)[/li][li]They are not so much false as incomplete our re-education program will soon have you understanding that everything is just great.[/li][li]No, our candidate always wins in the end (however we hope to make it a little less obvious in future)[/li][li]We are out there, we are amongst you, when the moment of truth arrives we shall reveal ourselves. In the mean time we are a little busy trying to stop you, from destroying yourselves, a little help now and then would be appreciated.[/li][li]Stuffed animals have just eaten (as symbolised by their distended bellies), while real animals never appear in animated shows or movies (the unions would raise hell if we even thought about it).[/li][li]‘The Universal song of Control’ will begin broadcasting on all channels as soon we are ready for the final phase, this will be everybodies favorite song, and you need not fear missing it or failing to record it, we will repeat it, continualy, forever more.[/li][/List=1]
St. Attila
We are glad you are enjoying your current regimen and will continue it indefinitely while we are achieving such good results with it.

Your friendly long term sleep specialist
Britt

Now all i have to worry about is whether or not Britt’s conspiracy is…out ta get me. Well, no matter. I need something to put me to sleep. And it beats counting sheep! :wink:

Zoggie
The pleasure is and always be, all mine. By the way there is no conspiracy, I never trust anyone well enough, to form an actually conspiracy with them.

Lone Crusader
Bitt

  1. My ex-boyfriend, Danny’s initials are three of the letters in BDSM, in order too. Is this really hinting at anything? And if it is can I take advantage of it somehow?

  2. Was Mercutio really gay? Because if he was then there go a few of my fantasies.

  3. Do nice guys that are dateable actually exist in highschool?

  4. Why do believe expect me to despise my ex-boyfriend? He’s not all that bad, he’s very good at certain things (yeah, you know what it is, darling), and although I hate what he did and how he acts with his girlfriend around me, why do I have to despise him?

  5. Why are English muffins so icky tasting when they’re cold?

  6. What is the difference between breakfast food at McDonald’s and the stuff at Burger King? I don’t get it.

  7. Why name a math program IMP? It sounds positively evil.

  8. Am I really masochistic or trying to avoid my problems?

  9. How is it worse to miss a person; never seeing them again, or seeing them every day and knowing that they’ll never be yours?

  10. Would Danny boy be up for meaningless sexual activity for the fun of it?

  11. Why do I post my problems to the world at large when I can’t deal with telling my friends?

Okay sorry to tell you guys everything I wonder about at night, but I had to get it out somehow and I lost my sparkly purple pen to write in my journal.

Kitty

[List=1]
[li]Yes, unfortunately the new ‘pleasure room’ is still under construction. You are welcome to take advantage anytime once it opens on the 3rd of the month (that is providing we can get the dwarves to stop playing with the equipment and actually do some work).[/li][li]Bent would be a better term for our Mercutio, he is always open to alternative applications for common household goods. We currently have several available at very reasonable rates, and finance is always available.[/li][li]No, however as a special offer to high school students everywhere our new line of Mercutio fantasy fillers are due to be released in time for the summer.[/li][li]The believe are a mercurial race and their behaviour very rarely makes sense to anyone outside their cloistered communities. You however need not despise him, be a friend they tend to last longer.[/li][li]Thank you for bring this to our attention, we assure you that your knowledge of this incident will not affect your safety in any way what so ever. The deplorable accident in which 4,000 sheep fell into our Washington yeast vats has left several long-term problems in the overall food synthesis system. We are presently eliminating all outstanding side effects and lose ends associated with this issue. One of our officials will be with you shortly to, umm, gather further information.[/li][li]The brand of addictive psychotropic chemical C, is the only difference all other identifying marks have now been successfully removed.[/li][li]It is. One of the AI systems went on a wild rampage, creating not only usable, but stable code. All such products are now in immediate recall, and if you have any such systems it is imperative that you delete them at once.[/li][li]Given your expressed interest in our pleasure room, we will allow you to have it both ways.[/li][li]Never having tried is the worst way to miss someone. At least you know in either of your scenarios.[/li][li]Why not ask if he is not interested, his girlfriend might be. You of course would not enjoy it nearly as much as our pleasure room.[/li][li]Because you feel that we are ‘safer’, as we are not likely to ever be in a position to use this information against you (or as in my case we already have access to this information via the cosmic mind reading rays).[/li][/list=1]

Hope your sparkly Purple Pen is not lonely and comes back home soon.
Britt

1.) Chocolate. how bad is it really?
2.) Why won’t my sound card work?
3.) Hi Opal!