Do I have to continue to live in this country? I have no real interest in living in the UK, but my main goals would be to have a passport that is easy to travel with, currency that is accepted globally, and a higher education system that’s worth dealing with. Ideally, I’d pick up UK citizenship and immediately get my butt someplace warm and exotic with a low cost of living.
Well… I already live in Cayman. Anglophone with warm weather. Might get overrun.
My bailout country of choice is Colombia. Just stay out of FARC territory.
Oh, tough question.
If it’s just me and mine getting evicted, then we’re off to the Netherlands.
If EVERYONE in the US is getting evicted, then depending on which group of friends we end up being amalgamated into, either New Zealand or Japan. I would actually prefer NZ, but Japan would be likely to be less inundated, so I might be persuaded to head there.
This is easy: Costa Rica. It’s lovely, the family is there, and I speak enough of the language to get by while gaining complete fluency.
Second choice: I dunno, Italy? I speak terrible Italian and I hear there’s good food there.
Edit:
I literally LOL’d at this.
Western Canada would be the simplest. New Zealand, Ireland, and Denmark would be considerations, too.
No contest, North Korea. I’ve always dreamed of competing in the Olympics, and they seem like they suck enough that that would be my best chance.
How has Norway not come up yet?
A free country, with astonishingly beautiful nature, great education, everyone speaks English plus the sweet native language… and salaries are so high that you can go to any country on the planet and spend money like there’s not tomorrow. That’s my kind of country.
(Aye, Canada comes a close second)
One of the English-speaking countries I suppose, (in order): 1. Canada, 2. Britain, 3. New Zealand, 4. Australia
If not Germany or Switzerland
Don’t advance-copy me. I was just about to say either Norway or Canada. Norway is awesome for all the reasons you listed and more, even though the food doesn’t sound too good. Plus, people would actually pronounce my name correctly.
Or Canada just because it’s close and wouldn’t be that much of a change and I’m scared of change. Half of Seattle would probably go to BC.
I’m in the same boat, except I cannot answer Canada.
I’d head for the US first, I think. I’ve been to many places there, and of all that I have visited, I think I could settle easily into either Chicago or Denver.
Aye, food is terrible. On the plus side, it might be one of the few countries where you’d be allowed to eat whale meat. 
Finland. I haven’t forgotten all the language, just most of it.
Finland for me, too. I don’t know their language but they know mine. I would feel at home there both culturally and geographically. I just wouldn’t be able to eat for the rest of my life.
If Finland rejects me, I’ll just drive a few hours to Canada.
Denmark, Sweden, Canada or Finland. In descending preference order.
Although I’m assuming the OP wasn’t meaning to be blindly exclusionary by specifying “America” rather than “your country” in the hypothetical, and I’m allowed to play too.
Oh…Canada. I’d head there with glowing heart.
Mostly because they have hockey and Aero bars.
mmm
I’m heading to Canada, and they’d better let me in before all you riff-raff if there’s a limit. I’m a citizen, dammit!
Canada…Oh wait, I’m already here. But I am US born.
Currently in the Netherlands. The UK would be first on my list, but if that’s too overcrowded I could see Germany working out. Industrialised, I kinda speak the language, great employmen figures, decent people and for some weird reason many dutchfolk want nothing to do with Germany, so that works out.
Maine.
And Texas, for the winters.
Mexico, definitely Mexico. And not for the obvious reason that I am half Mexican, but the reality is if we all moved there it would no longer be the Mexico it is today, but would become more of a laid back southern California type Mexico. Once we killed or locked up all of the trouble makers who think we don’t belong there that is. We have a long established history of taking over parts of Mexico when we need it, why stop now?