Need A Jargon Heavy Job Title

In My Humble Opinion
21

I have the impression that job titles are like Porsches; the complexity of the title is some sort of compensation for the impotence of the job. A “Chief Facilitator for (insert the name of the latest management intiative here) Interdepartmental Functionality” is probably some sort of boss’s lackey and is the guy who puts labels on everything in the office because, “we need labels on everything in order to pass the next QA audit.”

The person who they call in to clean up when everything goes wrong probably has the same job title as you, at least they will once they replace you and begin cleaning up your mess. If the “cleaner” is under you on the org chart, then they probably have a nondescript job title, so that nobody knows who to steal from your department.

22

You’re probably right, cornflakes, but I need something I can slap on a business card, which I can stick under someone’s nose and they won’t ask me about a college degree (nevermind that I’ve out thought nearly ever engineer I’ve ever met).

23

Is the contest still open? How about:

Director of Pro-Active Response Implementation Strategies for Non-Operative System Exigencies

24

Directory of PARISNOSE? This cries out for just a little more tweaking to make the perfect acronynm. Director of Pro-Energized Normalization Implementation Strategies for Non-Operative System Exigencies, perhaps?

25

Ah.

I once knew a small business owner who had “Head Asshole” on his cards. I guess that’s right out though…

26

A friend works for as an engineer/manager large corporation, and is now doing a two year stint as a “Black Belt.” That is his actual title on his business cards. Apparently, it is a term in “Six Sigmas”, the latest of the business consulting concepts to go around.

Oddly enough, his job is more or less “who you call when the feces hits the fan.” As I understand it, he and his fellow Black Belts will be assigned to corporate problem areas and be tasked with finding ways to improve them.

27

Yeah, but around here, people haven’t heard of such things (trust me, I know from hard experience), so they won’t clue in on it, nor will they understand the concept. However if I can slap some important sounding BS title on the card, they won’t think twice about it. (“Technical Engineer for Rectocranial Extraction! Whoa!”)

28

Non-linear Systems Specialist.

Director of Entropy Management.

Or mix them up:

Director of Non-linear Systems.

Entropic Systems Specialist.

29

What’s wrong with a simple title:

Vouchers (Stolen from Tom Holt’s Who’s Afraid of Beowulf?)

Safety Technician (After all, no comment here about who’s safety is being seen to…)

Ko-Ko (From The Mikado, just hum a bit of “I’ve got a little list” and you’ll get the point…)

30

How about this; brainstorm two lists:

List 1:[ul][li]Systems[]Operations[]Manufacturing[]Development[]…[/ul][/li]List2:[ul][li]Analyst[]Engineer[]Manager[]Facilitator[]First Responder…[/ul][/li]
Now, take one from each list, so you get something like “Operations Analyst”, or whatever sounds good, more or less fits what you do and is still vauge enough that they will have to interview you to ask what being a (job description) entails.