Need Advice re: Work Fiasco

In My Humble Opinion
1

Just to give a little background: I’m a lawyer, about 1.5 years into practice. I work for a big law firm. For more than a year, I’ve been battling severe depression. The firm is aware of this. Though they tried to be understanding at first, they have recently become annoyed with the fact that the course of my disease and the acocmodations I require are not exactly the way they would want them to be.

Also, I have been sick a lot this year, with various ailments. On Saturday, I slipped and fell on the ice and severely sprained my ankle. I’m on crutches. At the ER, I told them about all the meds I take for depression and insomnia. They prescribed Darvocet for the pain.

This morning, at 9 am, I was supposed to have my annual review. I knew it was going to be rough, so I wanted to make sure I got a good night’s sleep. I took an Ambien and my nightly Darvocet.

I woke up this morning at 10, totally disoriented. I stumbled to the shower, trying to get ready for work. A combination of dizziness and pain from my ankle caused me to fall in the shower. Fortunately, I wasn’t badly hurt, but it took me a while to get out of there.

It began to dawn on me that I might have missed my review. (Remember, I was out of it.) I reached my computer and cell phone in the living room and found that yes, indeed, the review had been at 9. I also had messages on my cell phone. I called back the last number and got the head of the firm.

I don’t remember our exact conversation. I was still pretty out of it. I remember telling him I’d taken another fall and was sorry I’d missed the meeting. The only thing I do remember clearly is that he sounded very angry, and also like he didn’t believe me.

I called my mentor, who also left me a message. I tried again to explain my fall, and as I did, I read my online calendar. And it seemed weird to me, like I had 2 reviews scheduled: one at 9, one at 11. “I thought it was 11,” I said. (I later realized that there was something else down at 11, with a similar name, and in my addled state, I confused the two.) She yelled at me to get a new calendaring system and told me this was “unacceptable” before hanging up. She too sounded as if she did not believe me.

Somewhere in there, I had also tried calling the number for the emergency room doctor that they gave me, but I got put on hold and finally transferred to a nurse who said she couldn’t help me.

I managed to wash soap out of my hair, get dressed, and drive to the office, all in a daze. I don’t remember most of this stuff. All I know is that I arrived in time for a noon meeting (the 11 o’clock thing was really 12, I read that wrong, too).

By the end of the meeting, I was sufficiently with-it to realize something was seriously wrong. I tried calling my psychiatrist and my therapist, who are going to call me back. Then I stumbled onto Web MD, where I read that Darvocet should not be combined with antidepressants or sedatives, or it could lead to dangerously deep sedation, unconsciousness, and/or death.

I take 2 antidepressants (Prozac and Wellbutrin) and 1 sedative (Ambien) regularly. The nurse practitioner I saw in the ER was told this. I got no instructions re: the Darvocet.

I’m now terrified that I’ve completely screwed up my job. I was supposed to meet with the head of the firm, the head of litigation, and my mentor. Now they all think I’m a lying slacker. I have no doubt that my semi-coherent phone calls didn’t help.

I have no idea how to try to correct this. Advice please?

2

I don’t have any direct experience with this sort of thing, but I would start by talking to your immediate boss/manager and explaining that your pain medication had a serious interaction with other medication you’re taking. Hopefully they themselves have been on pain meds and will understand. Apologize for behaving strangely and missing the meetings and just focus on rescheduling and moving on. They may or may not believe you, but there’s not much you can do about it.

You should also probably be documenting everything if you think there’s a chance they might fire you in response to your depression. Write down every day of work you’ve missed and why, along with doctor’s notes if you can get them. Write down who at work you told you’d be gone those days, and when you told them. Document this whole story while it’s fresh in your mind, with dates, times and names.

3

I too would counsel confronting the issue head-on with your direct manager. Maybe get a letter from any doctors you’ve seen, and some documentary evidence of the negative interaction between the meds you were on.

4

I am assuming that you have a primary care physician. Get your doctor on your side, and use them to advocate for you with notes (and maybe a phone call). If you’ve kept all of your scrips, you have a good paper trail to back you up. If you can prove that you took the meds prescribed to you, and you can prove they don’t mix, your employers can’t argue.

If you’ve been a good employee, you can always pull the; “You know it’s not like me to blow off an important meeting, and is it really in character for me to call my coworkers mumbling unintelligibly?”

5

OK, the first thing to remember is depression can cause panic which is not based in reality. I know this all too well from first hand experience. Tell yourself until you can hear it that you are not the first person to be knocked for a complete loop because of the interactions of medications, and that such things can happen to anyone. You’re not an awful person, a screw up, or even cursed because it happened to you, so please, try not to beat yourself up over it.

It sounds like they knew about your ankle at work, right? I should think they could also sympathize with wanting to get a good night’s sleep before a review. When the drugs have sorted themselves out and gotten themselves out of your system, talk to your supervisor and your mentor and explain the situation. Chances are it’s not nearly as bad as you think. You probably will be told, “Don’t let it happen again,” but that’s par for the course. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been convinced I’d be fired for something only to realize I was in no danger.

One other piece of advice. When you’re given a prescription for a drug, read the insert that comes with it as soon as you get it. If you see any mention of it interacting with another drug you’re on, tell the pharmacist. You might also want to ask the pharmacist about specific drugs you’re taking when you’re prescribed a new one. A few years ago, my best friend was given a prescription for two drugs which should never be taken together (I believe death was a possible side effect of doing so). Since she was getting both prescriptions filled at once, the pharmacist caught the doctor’s mistake.

Hang in there, e-mail me if you need to, and keep us posted. I’ve dealt with my share of the screaming meemies and I know they’re not pleasant! :eek:

CJ

6

Update and clarifications:

First, I have a therapist and a psychiatrist. Both are on my side and my psychiatrist has offered to write me a letter explaining what happened. It’s her opinion that the prescribing of the Darvocet to me was an iffy call at best, especially considering the fact that I have a long history of reacting very strongly to sedating drugs. I have documentation up the wazoo about the meds I’m taking, the doctors I’ve seen, etc.

Second, the thing is, they DO believe this is in character for me. One of the accommodations I have asked for is the ability to come in late on days when I do not have morning meetings. I have a co-morbid diagnosis of Seasonal Affective Disorder. Mornings are usually very hard for me; in the winter, it’s about five times as bad. However, the request for this accommodation has been met with a lot of resistance. It was initially ok’ed, but many people (the HR director, my mentor, and others) have told me that it’s not a good idea because, quote, “I can’t do a good job if I’m not here and available by 9.” My typical delay is to come in around 10. Just to let you know, there is a strong prejudice in our firm (and most firms) against working non-traditional hours. You are at your desk by 9 at the latest, or you are a Bad, Lazy Lawyer. Coming in late often shows up as a negative on annual reviews.

It is clear to me that they believe I overslept. Which I did, but not without a lot of help.

Also, in October, I was sick with mono. I failed to call in on 2 days because I was home, alone, with a raging fever and delirious. My secretary (who is now my ex-secretary, for this reason) told people that she had “no idea” where I was (which was not true, because I’d called in the 2 days prior to that and told her exactly where I was). My supervisors put a reprimand in my personnel file for that “infraction.”

I have had a lot of other sick days this year, too. My doctors are convinced that my immune system is suppressed as a result of the depression. I have had a lot of weird illnesses that I only tend to get when I’m run down (strep throat, ear infection, stomatitis, stomach flu, mono, etc.) My employers are angry about this, too. It is obvious to me that they do not believe I am really sick when I call in. The emphasis is on being in your office and available, no matter what.

All of this is fairly stupid, considering the fact that they have letters from my doctor saying that I can work 85% of my usual hours, and I do that, and there has never been any complaint about my work. In fact, I get excellent reviews on my work. But there is a strong prejudice here against anyone who works part-time or who takes too many sick days, and I am feeling that.

They are also unhappy with me because they want my doctor to be able to tell them IN ADVANCE when I will need time off or when I will be having problems with my meds. My doctors have written multiple letters explaining why this is not possible with a mental illness, that we kind of have to “roll with the punches.” My employers hold this against me. “Just let us know what to expect ahead of time,” they say over and over. Well, I don’t know what to expect from day to day! And I certainly didn’t EXPECT to be given a combination of drugs that would cause such bizarre reactions! Sheesh.

7

OK, just so you know, I didn’t just chuck a bunch of pills in my throat without thinking about it.

In fact, I was very concerned about taking a benzodiazepine sedative with a codeine derivative. That was why I was so careful in the emergency room to tell them all the meds I was on.

I was given no insert with the Darvocet. I got it out of a machine at the hospital, called InstyMeds, which is how they dole out drugs after regular business hours. The doctors gave me no instructions on how to take it or anything. The only thing the bottle said was “one every 4 hours.” It did not have the usual stickers that my other meds sometimes come with, warning about possible drug interactions, or sleepiness, or anything.

I took it for a couple of days, and had no problems. Not even a little dizziness.

Only today, after the long episode (which I’m still not recovered from entirely, so I’m sorry if there are typos), I looked up Darvocet on Web MD, which says:

8

Yeesh! This is a sticky one. Do you have any friends who practice labor law? Maybe they could toss you some pointers.

I don’t know wht else to tell you about your HR issues, but at a bare minimum, once you’re done dealing with all your HR issues, I would definitely have a very stern chat with the ER manager. It sounds like you did everything you were supposed to do, and yet were told to take a combination of drugs with severe side effects. What if something worse had happened? It’s one thing to have problems with your job, but quite another to be dead.

9

I’m really sorry, Q.N. It sounds like you’re going through hell.

I must also say this, which you must already know…Being a lawyer, especially in a big firm, is an intensely competitive, stressful, demanding job, and if you’re not at your best, you’ll fail. I wouldn’t be surprised if your depression has something to do with this. (IANAD, just a WAG)

Working for that firm could be about the worst thing you can do to yourself. Find a government job or a more laid-back firm (likely an oxymoron, I know). Don’t let this kill you…

10

LOL, this is an ongoing debate between me, my doctors, the law firm, and–the winning vote–the creditors who are practically banging down my door. I’d quit if I could afford it. I can’t. The alternative is to declare bankruptcy, which would also be hellaciously stressful.

My psychiatrist believes that it was the combination of my regular meds (three of which are contraindicated with Darvocet) and the Darvocet. She’s going to write a letter. I haven’t had any problem making it to early meetings, hearings, etc. in a long time. Unfortunately, my supervisors rarely notice successes–only failures.

Thanks for the advice, everyone.

11

I don’t know much about lawyeration or clinical depression, but the timing of your depression vis a vis your employment, as reported in the first paragraph of the OP, did jump out at me. An Arky’s suggestion may be best; you and this firm may not be cut out for one another.

If lawyers and law firms are really as soulless and bloodthirsty as they’re stereotypically made out to be, I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re looking at your condition only for how it affects them, which is the same regardless of whether you were a lazy slacker, a (recreational, illegal) drug user (or alcoholic), or had legitimate medical conditions.

So my completely inexpert and probably worthless advice would be (1) get medical documentation for all of this so you can prove there are extenuating circumstances, (2) sympathize with those at the firm who are frustrated or inconvenienced by your limitations (and who don’t have any experience with what you’re going through) and do whatever you legitimately can to make it up to them, (3) think about changing to a less stressful job, and (4) maybe someday you can become a lawyerly champion for others in similar circumstances, using your own experiences to help and advise them?

12

Q.N.Jones I am not in as competative a job as lawyerdom, but it is still competative. I also have been severely depressed for many years and on medication and therapy for it. One thing I find is it is very difficult for me to accurately guage how much of an assit I am to my company. I always feel that I am not doing good work, or that I am lazy, or something similar. But if I get down and measure what I do and achieve it actually compares very favourably to my peers. Is it possible you are similarly undermining yourself by undervaluing your own contribution to your work.
For mornings have you tried one of those sun-light lamps, I find that a normal lamp is sufficient for me, but I do need to have plenty of light on for half an hour before I can summon the energy to face the morning, that means waking up earlier than I would need to otherwise, but it leads to me being more awake in the mornings as if I had slept in much longer.
Another thing that helps me is to solve one thing at a time. You allready know that you could be much better in a less demanding job, but you can’t leave because of credit…
Try and write down all the steps that you would need to take to be able to change job to one where you could be less stressed. Then break those tasks into smaller subtasks. Finally try to work out what you van do towards achieving some of those subtasks. Maybe you can save some money for a few months and remove the credit burden. Maybe you can get better rent value or better mortgage rates.
Maybe you can use your lawyer super-powers and threaten to sue the doctor who gave you contra-indicted drugs :wink:

13

Thanks for all your responses. While a lot of the stuff that has been said are things I know and have thought about before, it’s always good at times like this for me to hear them .

I think it will blow over. I talked to my mentor and she sounded less angry. I had left her a message saying that I thought we needed to talk because my missing the meeting was not, contrary to popular opinion, due to some flakiness on my part. She was receptive to that, and we are meeting tomorrow.

My psychiatrist is going to send a letter on Monday, explaining what happened.

As for leaving my job: I’ve got a long-term plan. Unfortunately, it’s going to take a couple of years. Until then, I look at it as a goal–stay employed, keep getting a paycheck, don’t mess up too badly. Other than that, I am trying not to sweat the small stuff. I do good work, that’s not something anyone worries about.

Oh well, tomorrow’s another day. I’m off to hug my kitty. That’s better than any antidepressant.

14

I hate to reiterate what others have said, but it seems to me that you’re probably not a good fit with this firm. From what I understand, for the first couple years, all an associate is good for is billable hours. Can you show that you’ve been putting in the same billable hours as other first-year associates? I know you’re not intentionally screwing up, or getting high or drunk or anything else that is directly your fault. But they do have a reasonable right to expect you to fulfill your side of the employment contract. If you are doing that, you should be okay. If you’re not, it doesn’t mean you’re a failure or a slacker or not a good attorney. What it does mean is that you may not have the stamina for that particular firm. And you may have to face that sooner than the couple years you plan on taking before you leave this firm.

I, too, suffer from depression, although not as severe as yours. And I’m perhaps the most paranoid person I know. My smallest faults ake me feel like I’m about to be fired. It’s an uncomfortable place to be, but just keep on doing the best you can do. Who knows - if they do fire you, you may even have grounds for a lawsuit under the Americans with Disabilities Act. Best of luck to you.

StG