Need advice: Should I tell my brother's girlfriend he's cheating on her?

Many of you may remember my brother as being the “stand up” guy from this thread.

Anyway, he’s got another rotten habit: Constantly stringing dozens of girls along at the same time. At any given moment he’s dating 3 or 4 girls (all of them blissfully unaware of each other–most of them long distance).

Today I was just made aware of something that really irritates me, though.
So he’s been dating Girl A for about a year now. It’s long distance, although they’ve met once or twice. They talk nearly ever day either on the phone or on the internet.

Only now he’s met Girl B (in real life). Girl B moves in with him (which means she moved into my mom’s house as he still lives at home, but that’s another story) and they’re dating, sleeping together, etc. They’re also looking for their own apartment to move into.

Thing is, Girl A is now being ignored. She’s started to call and text my mom constantly. She’s worried out of her mind. She didn’t know if my brother was alive or dead because she hasn’t heard from him in over a week. She misses him greatly and is wondering what the heck is going on.
Mom was visiting me today, for about an hour, and she got about 6 pages in that time…all from Girl A.

My brother’s solution? To tell my mom to ignore her. To ignore her pages and calls and texts, just like he’s doing.


So now this is my internal debate. I’m friends with Girl A on Facebook and Google Plus. I could easily tell her what’s going on and, at least, let her know so she’s not worrying or going crazy wondering.
But, on the other hand, it’s none of my business either and I’m not involved with the situation at all (other than just being irked that my brother thinks it’s okay to treat women this way).

I’m guessing the advice I’ll get the most is: Don’t say anything, it’s not your problem, nor is it any of your business…which is fine…but like I said, it’s hard to just sit by and let people get treated this way and let my brother get away with doing it again and again.

Tell your brother to call girl A and break the news to her. Not your place to tell her, but that’s probably what he’s hoping you’ll do so he won’t have to. Nice guy.

If he won’t do it, have your Mom invitee Girl A to come to town for a nice weekend.

IMO tell her. Of course if you can do it in a way where it royally screws your brother thats probably just a bonus.

Done that about three times already. He’s not going to do it.
In fact, he’s even gone as far to say he’s going to block Girl A’s contact info from mom (and me) if we keep on pushing it (that way we can’t tell her ourselves).

Like I said, he wants us to ignore her until she goes away or gives up, so there’s no chance in hell he’ll do it himself.
Thus I’m left with “Do I tell her myself before he has the chance to cut her communication off with me or leave it alone because it’s none of my business?”

Yes!

It isn’t your place, your job, or your responsibility to break up with your brother’s girlfriends for him. It’s a terrible position to be put in, but this isn’t on you and you could make things worse/more painful for everyone involved if you step in.

Don’t lie for him either, but don’t volunteer any information.

This makes it your problem (well, your mom’s). Read shithead, excuse me, your brother the riot act. Tell him he has X amount of days to tell girl A or you will, and include other appropriate consequences for your trouble.

Verbally wonder at why he can’t break things off with the old girlfriend while in front of the new girlfriend. New girlfriend will then take your side and wonder as well.

Since the “gf” is contacting your mom, your mom is free to tell her whatever she wants. She’s under no obligation to lie for her son, or cover for him, or anything.

I see nothing wrong in telling her “He’s not in contact with you because he’s busy with a new girlfriend”.

If “gf” contacts you, you’re entitled to communicate whatever you want to with her, as long as it’s honest.

He can only make you complicit to his deceptions if you agree to it.

Oh hell, he’s had time already. He ain’t gonna do it.

Go ahead and tell her now. You’re Facebook “friends” with her, which I understand doesn’t mean friends, but it’s some kind of acquaintanceship.

What’s the reason for not telling her? No, it’s not your “job” or responsibility, but it would be the decent thing to do. An acquaintance is suffering because of some asshole’s actions. Why not end it?

Now that has a certain charm. :smiley:

Procrustus’ suggestion about inviting old GF to town was funny, but (I trust) not serious–that’s cruel to her.

Have a steamy mug of MYOB. Dealing with her is his problem, not yours.

I’m going to second this opinion.

From the When I Was Young And Didn’t Know Any Better files…

Dad let a coworker put his camper beside the house to live in, and Coworker was free to use the house. One day the phone rang and a woman asked if Coworker was there. I said, ‘Oh, is this [Woman’s Name]?’

Oops. I didn’t know he had multiple girlfriends.

(There might be a solution to the OP’s dilemma in that story.)

The problem is that their mom is a stressed-out doormat who’s getting harassed - and that harassment is interfering with their visits together. So yeah, it kind of is his problem if Mom is fretting about calls from GF six times in an hour while he’s just trying to talk with her.

This and…
…I have a feeling I’m not long away from being next (to start getting pummeled with messages from her asking why my brother isn’t returning her calls/talking to her/etc).
According to mom, she sounded downright worried/scared at not hearing from him for awhile. To me, it just seems like a huge shithead thing to do and–to a lesser extent–equally shithead-y if I know what’s up, can alleviate her major worries, yet don’t.

Thanks for the replies/advice so far.

She’s calling his mother, at the rate of 6 pages an hour? And how did he get his mothers mobile anyhow?

Id be wondering about stalker vs worry with what you’ve said so far. There might be more going on here than you realise.

Otara

Tell her, she probably already knows and is just waiting on the confirmation. Its gonna be really shitty for her, but the time to start the healing process and let her get on with her life, is about the only thing you can do for her at this point.

Declan

Brother used to use her (mom) phone to talk/text with her (1st girlfriend).

Don’t get me wrong, your brother totally sounds like an epic douche canoe, but. . .

what the fuck is wrong with this Girl A chick? She’s been “dating” your brother for a year, but has only met him once or maybe twice? And now she’s harassing the mother of the man she’s met once or maybe twice? I’m sorry, is she 15?

I’d stay out of it. Your brother’s clearly a douche craft carrier, but things ain’t right with ol’ crazy pants over there either.

Just tell her. Wouldn’t you want to know if you were her? I would.
I’d just tell her something like, “I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but my brother has been dating another girl and he stopped talking to you because he is too much of a selfish coward to break up with you.”

I don’t think it’s “stalkerish” that she is trying to page your mom. From this girl’s perspective, someone she loves and was used to talking to daily has gone missing with no explanation. I think it’s completely understandable that someone might become panicked in that situation. Why let her keep worrying? To protect your brother from the consequences of his selfish behavior?

No, it’s the mother’s problem. Her options are:

  1. Answer and tell the truth
  2. Answer and lie
  3. Answer and tell the girl to stop contacting her, deal with the son
  4. Don’t answer/block the number

Frankly, as someone else mentioned, I’d be a little concerned about how stable this booty-call gal may be. The complete lack of contact from the guy she probably boinked a couple times over the course of a year should tell her everything she needs to know. Continuing to pursue it sends warning signals.