I never used the term “back their play” and I don’t think I have ever heard that term before. I think it is weird to inject oneself into the private lives of what I assume are all adults. While the women involved might come and go, the OP will have to live with his brother for the rest of one of their lives.
The whole thing is a big swirling mess of disfunction and enabling behavior, stay out of it and be happier.
The mess has already spread; Girl A is calling bro’s relatives asking what’s happening. It isn’t injecting yourself into somebody’s private life if they approach you first and ask questions. It would be enabling behavior if Idle does what bro is begging them to do which is not answer her. Why does **Idle **have to let his bro control his personal interactions?
If girl B may get brother to move out, you need to protect that. You need to help that.
Get girl A out of the picture now.
Maybe, maybe not. The brother, Girl B, and baby make three. Maybe they will just ask for another wing of Mom’s house for their future expansion.
How is he “injecting himself” in the lives of people he’s already facebook friends with and who are calling his mother about his brother?
No, he doesn’t. If my brother had that pattern of behavior, I’d disown him. And if my parents enabled it, I’d give serious thought to just not going to family events. Blood is utterly meaningless compared to the social bonds you choose to forge.
I don’t get the angst. Who cares if your brother gets mad at you? He’s a calloused asshole. Besides, If he wants this long distance chick back in a few months, I guarantee you that she’ll come running back. Losers attract the most ardent supporters for some reason. She’s already sacrificed her pride by continuing to call him and his mother. She’ll be back for more abuse.
The next time she calls your mom’s phone, pick it up, say, “He doesn’t want to talk to you any more.” and hang up.
You don’t really think he’s going to move out of the comfy, rent-free, maid service included place he’s got now, do you? He’s bullshitting this girl, too. He talked her into moving in with him on the basis that it would just be a temporary thing. The truth is he meant that the relationship would be temporary. If he thought this was anything serious he would have cut ties with all of his other women which he obviously has not. He’s not going anywhere. When she asks he’ll come up with excuse after excuse. “I still don’t have a job.” “The economy is unstable.” “We should save the money we’d spend on rent for a house :).” When she gets sick of him and leaves he’ll pick up where he left off with one of his other flings.
Ok, that’s one method he could interfere with if he’s lucky enough to see the message before she does. But there are dozens of ways to contact someone if you know who they are. There’s simply no reasonable way he could stop you from telling her something unless you kowtow to his wishes.
Being as her FB and Google Plus are the only ways I have to contact her, I’d say if I couldn’t through those means, I couldn’t at all.
But it’s probably a non issue by now.
CONGRATULATIONS on doing the right thing.
I am glad that you realize that even though you can’t change your brother’s behavior or how your mom enables him to act like an ass, you CAN change how you respond to it. Hopefully this will show him that you won’t tolerate his behavior the way your mom will.
Tell Girl A.
Let hilarity ensue.
Tell your brother not to drag you into his bullshit.
Tell Girl B too.
Update please!
~VOW
No message/reply from Girl A yet. For all I know she might not even check Facebook that often. Her last updates were about the middle of the last month.
Also tell her that she needs to change her passwords. And it shouldn’t be your brother’s name or their favorite movie or something they did together.
Your brother is a G-D coward, and if this relationship really was “serious”, you absolutely did the right thing.
My sister had a long term BF of 4 years dump her in exactly the same fashion (completely ignoring her, pretending she didn’t exist) and it was very painful for her. On the one hand, I wanted to smash the guy’s face in with my fist, but on the other hand, I was very thankful that with his true character revealed, I would never end up with the asshole as a brother in law.