Running out the back door when her husband came home suddenly…
“I was balancing a rabbit on my forehead, and this eagle came swooping down…”
Seriously, he should just say he tripped, and be prepared when people ask exactly what he caught his head on. It happens.
An alcoholic former coworker came into work with a similar injury once.
He said he’d been doing work in the kitchen in the morning, and had removed part of the kitchen work surface. Later he went to lean on the work surface but it was, of course, no longer there, and he fell into the hole, banging his forehead.
Nobody believed him.
“Well, when I saw that bear chargin’ down on that toddler, I knew that someone had to do something. Someone had to fight off that bear, unarmed. And that someone was me.”
An owl ran into me swooping on a rabbit. A talon cut me.
About a year ago I was out with some friends drinking. We were all really drunk, me especially. While walking down the street I banged my head into a metal utility box on an electrical pole. The box was unfortunately just at the level of my forehead, and even more unfortunately I managed to walk into the sharp corner of the box, resulting in a nasty gash on my noggin.
Fortunately, the gash happened at the hairline, and is impossible to see unless I pull my hair back.
This particular accident was in no doubt caused by my inebriation. BUT the box was at the perfect height for my head to bang into it. Had I been sober, but jostled by a friend or a passerby the same thing might have happened. So you could always use that for an alibi: I wasn’t being careful, and I banged my head and got a nasty gash.
Ice climbing, hit by a loose icicle.
Crab fishing, hit by a loose hook.
NASCAR pit crew, hit by a loose Jeff Gordon.
I got the shit slapped out of me by a Spanish bar girl because I called her ‘ugly’. My story the next day for the welt: I got the shit slapped out of me by a Spanish bar girl because I called her ‘ugly’. Hey, too many witnesses, including the guy who kept me from going over the bar after her. Man, she was muy fea, though.
I had to teach a squad of Marines some manners.
Just say you were fishing and had a hook whip back in your face after pulling your lure loose from a tree. Totally plausible.
He just got back from his part time job where he only works with 2 other people, but tomorrow he has his main job. It looks worse now. The gash is just as big but now he has a black eye, so I don’t think the ‘banged my head’ stories will work anymore. I guess it took a day to swell up. He’s going to tell people he got jumped(which is probably what did happen) and say he doesn’t feel like talking about it.
I got kicked by a horse while shoeing it.
“last time I go drinkin’ with a fisherman named Quint…”
“No, I said Bud Light…”
He could go for the obscure refernce: “Dr. Schreiber’s hand slipped. Just as well, really, I didn’t really want to wake up thinking I was a serial killer.”
Me, I’d just say “gunshot wound” and leave it at that.
Tell them nunya did it.
Inspired by EvilTOJ:
A chimp jumped me. He had a knife. I got him to settle down after chewing on his fingers for a while.
A couple of years back, I had a 20 lb cat fall off the headboard on my face. Black eye and swollen nose, along with scratch marks happened. When I told the truth, nobody seemed to believe me, so I changed my story and said that I dropped my sportster in my driveway. I have no idea why that story worked, because I wear a full helmet, but it did.
Met my shift workers (half American military and half German military) at a local German pub. Fell on my face on the way home and busted open the skin under my eyebrow. I fixed it with a butterfly bandage. Luckily, the great California earthquake of 1989 had just happened so I tried to convince everyone at work who asked about my injury that Germany and California were antipodes and the sympathetic vibrations from the earthquake had knocked me down. My shift workers of course, knew exactly what had happened.
Newly married, tiny apartment.
Wings is coming on, to be followed by Cheers.
I make the 31 foot journey from the bedroom to the kitchen to get a drink.
45 minutes later, I awaken from unconsciousness with my wife and parents slapping and yelling at me. My head aches, and I have a big knot on my forehead.
I was found by the back door near the kitchen door with no explanation for anything.
Nothing is broken, no one else in the apartment, and I have no memory of anything.
Note that my dear wife apparently never thought to come looking for me for almost an hour, even though I was expected back inside 60 seconds.
Weeks later, I run from the bedroom to the kitchen to get something and be back in bed before the commercial ends. Our 80 pound shepherd mix follows me, and just as I get to the kitchen and will hang a right, she jumps me from behind, hitting me square in the shoulders/back with her front paws. She knocks me toward the back sliding-glass door like a linebacker. I caught myself with my hands, stopped and turned around, only to see her ready to play some more.
I look carefully at the glass, and sure enough, there’s a forehead oil smudge at just my height.
Bingo! This must be what happened, but without the chance to catch myself.
21 years later, I still give my wife shit for watching all of Wings and some of Cheers before coming to look for me. 20 freaking feet away.
I guess I should be glad my tractor didn’t fall on me, or I got lost on the AT somewhere for 4 days…
I was all out of bubblegum…
(ref DN or TL; your choice)