My brother, who is going through severe emotional issues, blacked out last night while on a bender. He lost his wallet and cell phone, but worst of all he woke up with a bloody face, resulting from a giant gash on his forehead just small enough not to require stitches. He will be going to work tomorrow with a bandage covering aforementioned wound.
Suggest an alibi. How should he respond with coworkers say “OMG what happened.”
Anyone have similar stories with embarrassing wounds and a helpful way of responding.
As far as the bandage, do you go with a cutesie/funny “ouch” or “wtf” bandaid knowing that everyone will notice anyway. Or is a more minimalist skin colored bandaid a better approach.
I always go with a blatant Band-Aid (like Star Wars or Scooby-Doo) rather than try to hide an injury. As for the excuse, the best bet is to make up something embarrassing, but not that embarrassing. The last time I got into a bar fight, I ended up sporting a shiner for a few days. I told people I got cold-cocked by an 80-year-old grandma wielding a box of Tide at the supermarket. She was swinging it off the shelf into her cart, missed just as I stood up next to her, and “Pow!” Tell a story like that and people laugh. Tell them you blacked out or got your ass handed to you in a fight, and they don’t laugh.
I could stand to toughen up my image a little bit. If I ever get a properly visible injury, I’m all prepared to tell my friends I got it in a bar fight.
The last time I got a gash on my face (right between the eyes) I was completely sober. I was getting a box off a high shelf in the garage, and as I tilted towards myself to get a good grip, a long forgotten dartboard slid off the top of it right into my head.
Luckily the only time this happened to me all the damage was on my arms
and I was able to use long-sleeved shirts hide the scabby evidence, of which
there was quite a bit.
I did once get bashed face down into the sand by rough surf while body surfing
and no one looked at me too funny when I gave that as the explanation for
the 1-1.5" diamter scab in the middle of my forehead.
BTW Vitamin E really, honest-to-god does work as a healing accelereant
for minor but usightly wounds. Keep such a would irrigated with Vitamin E
24 hours a day and the scab will be gone in a week (puncture capsule to
get liquid vitamin). It worked for me in the two cases above.
Had a nasty scrape on my chin once when I drunkenly fell on the sidewalk chin-first. When people asked, I just said I tripped and left out the drunk off my ass part.
Now, the burn on the lip that lasted for a couple weeks required more creativity. I went with a story about roasting marshmallows with a wire coat-hanger.
Yeah, dunno if anybody really bought either of those…
Similar thing happened to me. I was blitzed drunk and trying to brush my teeth. I banged my forehead on the faucet resulting in a nasty gash that would not stop bleeding. The next day, my forehead had a swollen bump the size of a grapefruit. It was hard to explain.