Has anyone ever had to help an older child break a pacifier habit?
I know many will be appalled that my almost-four-year-old still uses a soother at night, and I’m not too happy about it either. We had planned to take it away last summer before she turned three, but her baby brother surprised us and arrived early so it really wasn’t the right time. But now almost a year seems to have flown by and here we are still using the darn thing.
Our dentist and doctor have both insisted there’s no harm in her continued use of it, and even said that trying to take it away before she’s ready can be a bad idea for a number of reasons, so we haven’t been too panicked about it. But what is really bothering us is her increased reliance on it. It used to be that she would wake up in the morning, leave it on her pillow, and not think about it again until nap or bedtime. But lately she comes down for breakfast with it still in her mouth (taken away as soon as she walks in the kitchen) and begs for it regularly through the day (mostly only if we’re just hanging out at home – if we’re out and about and keeping really busy she doesn’t generally think of it).
I think the change happened when she quit her nap – we still insisted on a quiet rest time which we allowed to take place in the living room and for which we allowed the soother. Once she had it out of a sleeping-in-her-own-bed type situation, she more and more just wants it all the time. Yeah, in hindsight ever allowing her to have it out of her room was a bad idea, but now that we’ve done it I don’t know how to stop it. I do need at least a few minutes of quiet to get the baby down for his nap and she is so obsessed with that thing that I know if she didn’t get it at quiet time that well, it wouldn’t be quiet.
Anyway, however we got there, it’s not good. It’s truly like an addiction. She will beg frantically for it and search for it in a panic if we’ve hidden it. She is a smart, verbal kid who is mature for her age in a lot of ways and it’s actually kind of weird that she’s holding onto this babyish thing. I know she would be mortified if a friend ever saw her with it. We’ve talked about getting rid of it for a long time now, we have a pretty solid bribe in place that she talks about wistfully from time to time, and she knows it will have to happen, but honestly I believe it will be like amputating a limb!
All I seem to be able to find online are ideas for how to trick a kid out of it, like poking a hole in the nipple or leaving it for the soother fairy to take away. What I’m looking for are not so much ideas about how to actually accomplish the act of taking it away, but more ideas for how to help her cope with what I believe will be genuine withdrawal once it’s gone.
Is there someway you can suggest replacing this with thumb-sucking? Why are you so insistent on taking it away? Isn’t it only important she learns not to do it in public?
The dentist said thumb-sucking would be more damaging to her teeth than the paci.
She hasn’t used it in public since she was under a year, and I was (and am) pretty okay with her keeping it for sleeping with as long as she feels she needs to. But I don’t like the idea of her wandering around the house with it all day and find it concerning that she is so panicked at the idea of not being able to.
Oh, god, and then you want to get rid of the thumb sucking? My mom got rid of the thumb sucking with a My Little Pony a week. I guess I wasn’t too swift - only took two ponies.
I would give it some more time. If it is an “addiction,” at least you know that it isn’t literally a physical addiction. When she begins pre-school or kindergarten, she will have the peer pressure to leave it off and I don’t think it will take much time for her to forget its comforts.
In the meantime, give her a lot of attention and holding and soothing time mostly when she isn’t using the pacifier. I hope that her Daddy is also equally involved in the nurturing aspect.
I took a bottle until I was five and the nipple got a hole in it. It was easier on my mother to deal with me that way. Since I didn’t particularly like the milk anymore, she put quite a bit of dark Karo syrup in the bottle. She had to work and I was usually left in the care of my eight year old sister. I sucked my thumb until I was ten – but only when I could hide it.
See how much worse it could have been?
You can always try the trick of putting something slightly distasteful on the pacifier. Don’t get carried away.
If there’s no harm I see no reason not to continue. More than likely…far more than likely…she will grow out of it as she’ll grow into something else. My little girl went from night nursing at 3.5 to holding her Hello Kitty plushie, slowly but surely. She wanted that kitty more than she wanted mama eventually, and that’s okay. Now she’s five and sometimes she forgets Hello Kitty or she’ll choose another toy to sleep with. That need to be attached to mama to sleep has faded forever.
I would try to gradually remove it from the out-of-bed situation though. Even if it’s a fancy-shmancy sippy cup replacement at quiet time and a special place she could keep the pacifier when she gets out of bed, like a pretty box she picks out. Just a way she can control the situation you’re guiding.
Mine were going for the paci even as late as 4. I remember my girl stealing her younger brother’s.
We cut a little hole on the rubber part. It takes away much of the fun because it looses structural integrity.
SOunds like the little one is in it for the long haul, reminds me of my kid who used to thumbsuck with a blanket just like Linus. She wanted to have the freedom to indulge anywhere at home, we had to keep reminding her that was only allowed in her room. rinse, lather , repeat. We even took a vacation once without the blanket, cold turkey, moslty her decision. I recall she was very homesick that trip.
Braces at 12 finally forced her to quit what had become a nighttime habit, with the hardware in her mouth, the thumb would no longer fit.
My nephew had a strong pacifier habit, he was about 4/5 and not allowed to have it outside his room. If he wanted it he would go to his room for a few moments, have a break with it and then get back to play. Sis called it his “smoke break”.
Try to stay firm on where she is allowed to have it, discourage her from talking with it in her mouth. and don’t buy any more new ones for her (obviously). Try to seize upon those teachable moments where you might be able to provide examples, situations etc of how she will cope without it. You might find a specific storybook that deals with giving up security blankets, or ask her to make up a story of what she would do if the paci got lost or broke.
Maybe have her decorate a little box where she can place it for safekeeping during the day. It will help her separate from it yet she’ll still feel in control of the situation.
Somehow, neither of my kids used a pacifier. My nephew however, sounds a lot like your daughter. My SIL decided to take the following approach that worked great. I have passed this recommendation to other family members and friends that all have had success with it.
First, do not replace the pacifier with a new one. Kids like the new ones because the nipple isn’t bitten through. Next, every few days start trimming the nipple down with a pair of scissors. The kid will complain that their paci is broken or somethings wrong with it. Just explain that you don’t know what could be wrong with it, that it may just be getting old. If they ask for a new one, explain that after you turn such and such age, they don’t make new paci’s. Eventually there will be nothing left of the pacifier but the face guard and the handle. Explain to your kid that it’s probably time to throw it away…LET THEM BE THE ONE TO THROW IT AWAY. Make sure you take your trash out then. They will likely come back and say they want it back, but explain to them that THEY threw it away and its gone. They will get over it in a day or two.
I never used a pacifier with my kiids but I would do the same as I did with sippy cups and baby bottles. Throw them all away on trash day so you can’t go back and grab one.
i don’t think weaning them off is very fun for the child.
I’d be very careful as to how you do this, the child has some need that is being satisfied by the binky, I’d say most likely comfort, you mentioned having another child, this one may feel less comfort as it’s split between the 2 children.
I’d try a experiment holding/comforting your child more, letting her sit on your lap when watching TV, etc and see if that has the effect of reducing the need for the binky (before removing it)
I was trying to remember that name, I have one in my nightstand still!
The second kidlet, liked hers until about 3ish. Much easier to dispense with that habit.
I just know that thumbsucking can start in the womb,maybe, and as an infant my girl knew how to latch on strong, tongued tied as she was (but no clue about that until my dentist informed me of it when she was 6:eek:).
At around 18 months, we stopped letting our kids have them during the day. Just before their 2nd birthdays, we announced that the Paci Fairy was coming. We got them to put their pacifier under the pillow, and replaced it with a nice toy in the middle of the night. Worked like a charm.
ETA: I realize this may not work as well with a 4yo, but my friend did the same thing for his child at around the 4 year mark. Worked flawlessly for him.
My mom broke me of thumb-sucking with this bitter tasting stuff. I forget what it was called, but it was designed spefically to discourage thumb-sucking. She painted it on my nails like nail polish.
OK, full disclaimer, I AM NOT A PARENT. I claim no special child rearing skills and I’m not advocating anything. Most of my child development info comes from John Rosemond’s newspaper column so at best my data is limited and one-sided.
I’m curious as to what kind of problems your dentist and doctor see in removing the pacifier.
People are going to think that I am just awful but here are a few thing I did. When he was about 26 mos. he moved to the third room in day care. A kid older than him made fun of him so I told him it was best to only have the binky for naps so that Andrew kid would keep his damn mouth shut. He liked the idea of shutting up a bully so it worked and, in fact, he never asked for it at naps, but would come home and exclaim “Binky, where are you?” and then he’d have it the rest of the night. Then, as he started to get to be a little older two year old, I would stop replacing lost binkies and just use what we had. I was also setting the stage for him believing that it is against the law and a police man might have to get involved if I ever bought a binky for a child over three. Now, I should say, my child was NOT scared of that concept, but proud to be compliant. And it gave us a little leeway whereby, if he reached the age of three and still had any binkies left, he could use them. We just couldn’t get new ones. So, a few days after his third birthday he lost the last one and was totally down wit obeying the law.
He didn’t have any trouble sleeping without it, his binky bite self corrected within a week and, when I found the binky a week or so later I didn’t feel the need to mention it; I just threw it out.
Apparently my mom tossed mine out the window when I was two, and when I started to cry about it she said she wouldn’t take me home if I was making noise.
I don’t know if I would recommend that or not, but I turned out okay I think.
I’m not a parent, but it seems to me that kids are generally proud of how “big” they are, and being rewarded for behaving like a big girl is something they want.
You mention that she’s “almost” 4…if her birthday is coming up soon, you could, perhaps, start building up to how grown up she’s going to be, and how grown ups don’t use pacifiers, but grown up children do get to play with [the thing you’ve already bribed her with], and maybe toss in how they don’t sell pacifiers for 4 year olds, etc. She might choose to get rid of it for her big girl birthday?
Someone else I know said “They’re having a special down at the toy store for all the big kids who still use pacifiers. Gather up all your pacifiers and you can trade them in for any toy you pick out.” The kid picked out a toy, and they made a big production of trading the binkies in at the cash register (and while the kid did that, one parent scanned their credit card quickly) and giving them the toy in exchange for the binkies.
My mom got rid of the thumb sucking with a My Little Pony a week. I guess I wasn’t too swift - only took two ponies.