This is exactly what we did with our daughter. We told her that when she turned 4, she could go to the toy store and pick out some toys and then pay for them with her pacifier. We made a big deal of her paying for it with her pacifier, and then I slipped the credit card behind her back. Worked like a charm and she never asked for it again. I think the key was 1) we prepped her for it beforehand, and 2) she had a feeling of some control over it (picking out the toys, handing over the pacifier).
Why bother? It is, as you said, perfectly harmless and keeps the thumb out of the mouth. My daughter used one till about 4 and then one night she said something like, “Ugh, this tastes like old rubber”, and threw it away herself. My sister, at 62, is still known to suck her thumb occasionally. And many kids have a stuffed animal that they cannot sleep without. I see no difference.
It may be an addiction, but it is the most harmless addiction imaginable.
I would reinstate the ‘bed only’ rule. After she is used to that you should be able to convince her that she doesn’t really need it, since she’s been able to let it stay in her room during the day.
Our kids were 3 (twins) when we took them off the soother. They only used it at night and naptime. We let them continue on it a couple of months longer than we wanted because we had a couple of day-long car rides (8 hrs and 16 hrs) that we wanted them to be comfortable on. When we got back home, the kids had asked for them and we told them they were forgotten at our last stop. It took some convincing that we didn’t have any, but they were able to get to sleep fine and stopped asking in a couple of days.
A couple of weeks later they found a couple of dusty old ones that they had thrown behind the bed. They were sort of amused that they had found them and asked about using them, but we pointed out that they didn’t need them any more and they agreed.
We had introduced the soothers for a couple of different reasons. Since they are twins, we wanted to be able to ‘satisfy’ one while the other was being fed/changed. We also wanted to be able to control taking it away when we felt they could deal with it. It’s very difficult to take a thumb away.
lol at the ‘smoke break’
My brother sucked his thumb until he went to college (I ***think ***he stopped then). It never damaged his teeth.
I guess i’ll be the bad guy. She’s four. Take it away, and she’ll get over it. Yes she will cry, and that night will probably be crappy, but she’ll forget all about it in a day or two.
Both of my kids had their pacifiers until they were a bit past four years old. I vowed never to let them start a thumb-sucking habit, because I ended up with buck teeth and then braces because of that. The pacifiers never hurt them a bit. They are 21 and 17 now, both have beautiful teeth and are smart as whips. Don’t stress about it. Some kids need that bit of comfort, and it seems cruel to take that away, at least while at home.
I’m surprised more people haven’t suggested this.
Maybe I’d make a horrible parent but if I didn’t want my kid using a pacifier I’d throw all the pacifiers away.
Haha! I’m surprised more people didn’t suggest it, too. I kind of go back and forth between the two extremes of “hey, it’s harmless” and “geez, she’s four” and if it was still just an in-the-bed thing I don’t think I would care at all. I mostly lean towards feeling like it’s a bit cruel to take it away when she is so very attached to it - obviously it fills a need for her and why would it be ok to deny her that comfort without at least being prepared to help her find something else that would work for her?
But even getting back to the stage of having it just in her room will take some doing, I think, and I was just hoping for some advice on how to help her cope with going without, permanent or not.
Thank you so much for all the advice and stories, they are much appreciated!
I laughed at the “smoke break” thing - my daughter will grab hers for a few quick sucks at times and it has always made me think of a smoker needing a quick puff. Glad to know mine’s not the only one out there addicted to the darn things, and that she (and we) will survive!
With any new skill/milestone/thing I was ready for my kid to stop doing, I always said, “He’s not going to go to college wearing diapers/using a sippy cup/sleeping with a stuffed animal/throwing tantrums/not knowing how to share/etc.” - he’d do it when he was ready.
My son had a favorite stuffed bunny that went EVERYWHERE until he was about 6, and then after that, stayed in the bed for nighttime or when he didn’t feel well/was upset. I didn’t like it, but it comforted him and I didn’t make him stop - I figured it was the same as anybody else who had a routine for relaxing and falling asleep - I watch TV in bed until I fall asleep, and it would be very hard for me, as an adult, to go to sleep without that - or any other “habit” that helps someone sleep.
Eventually, Bunny (original name, I know) spent more and more time without my son, and my son outgrew it at his own pace. Although, Bunny (who is fur-less and looks more like a Rat now) is still in his nightstand drawer, and every six months or so somehow ends up spending the night in the bed. My son is now 19. And he’s pretty well adjusted.
When my son was around 3, he was still attached to a bottle for comfort, too. I didn’t like this, so when he was jonesing for a particular large (read:expensive) toy, I told him he could “buy” it with his bottles - trade the bottles for the toy. He was willing to do this, we talked about it and I explained that there would be no more bottles. So, I went to the Target-type store’s customer service desk, and explained what I was trying to do. Paid for the toy, then later that day, came back with my son and a big bag of bottles. The ladies at Customer Service took the bag as payment, gave him the toy, and we went home to assemble it. The next day, he asked for a bottle, and I reminded him that he had traded them for the toy. He said, “Oh…yeah” and never asked for a bottle again. but he made the decision, he was ready.
I’d suggest to you, don’t encourage/condone the habit, but if it’s not hurting her in any way (causing dental problems, or teasing from other kids), don’t sweat it. She won’t go to college with a binky in her mouth.
Same here- I don’t remember when I stopped sucking my thumb, but it was OLD. My mother took me to the dentist once when I was maybe 12 or 13 and made a big humiliating production over it to shame me in front of the dentist and get him to tell me how I’d have terrible crooked teeth. He seethed at her attempt to make me feel bad and told her that HIS 15 year old daughter still sucked her thumb and her teeth (and mine) were perfect. I never heard another word about it.
Just don’t tell her the garbage men took it away - she’ll end up smoking for 20 years like I did.
This worked for us, too. The clerk played along perfectly.
My cousin was a dental nurse for 10 years. She told me to give my daughter a pacifier (we call them “dummies”) if she wanted one because “it’s easier to take away a dummy than a thumb. I’ve seen too many kids with damaged teeth from sucking their thumbs.”
Warning: I am not a parent nor will I likely ever be.
Put capsaicin on it! There is a risk of your child turning Mexican or Thai! 
Is it accepted knowledge now that pacifiers don’t damage teeth? I have a 2 1/2 year old and our pediatrician strongly recommended we take the paci away at age 2 for that reason. I cut the end off. He popped it in his mouth and spit it out, and I told him “It’s broken.” He told me to fix it and I said sorry, I can’t fix that. He pouted a bit and it was over. I expected a huge fuss and it never came.
It does take him a bit longer now to settle down for sleep, but overall not a big deal.
“The easiest way to get a female (of any age, I might add) to do something is to let her think its her own idea.”
Friend of mine’s daughter just went off the soother at the age of (almost) 2. Naturally, she has some teeth, and lately has been biting the soother, likely by mistake. The nipple loses integrity and is not satisfying, so the child threw it away all on her own since it apparently “just wasn’t doing it for her anymore”.
She hasn’t been substituting her thumb and all is quiet, so far…
Found this thread about “Need help breaking an older kid of a pacifier”.
Just wondering how it worked out for you? My daughter will be four years old next month and wants her binky ALL THE TIME!
I am considering making it a bedtime-only deal, or telling her she has to give it up if she wants her princess birthday party (cruel, I know!).
Thanks!
Jennifer
Pacifier gets traded for a super nice new favourite toy thanks to the Pacifier Fairy. If you want the pacifier back well … you’re going to have to give up that really nice toy… are your really sure you want to do that?
Or just chuck the pacifiers and put up with a couple of days of tantrums.
Both work equally well.
Not a parent, but was late to give up the pacifier (late 4ish). My mom finally got the idea to substitute it with “Big Girl Pacifiers” - colorful, little kid safe beaded necklaces that I could play with/worry if I needed too. I had the choice of trading my ‘puh’ in for a necklace whenever I wanted to, on the condition that the trade was permanent. When all the trades were made I got my first piece of really nice jewelry, an itty bitty seahorse necklace, which I still have.
My youngest sister was also a pacifier kid, and had the option of being visited by the ‘passie fairy’ if she chose (her thing was stuffed animals, I think).
TLDR: Upgrade to a new and socially acceptable worry/comfort object of the kids choosing.
Wouldn’t make you a horrible parent.
I’m a parent of three and I think y’all are wusses - throw it away and don’t look back. I believe my son was 18 months when we took his away, and it didn’t take that long for him to forget it.