My parents held a funeral for my brother’s pacifier. We all drove to an empty lot, my brother buried his pacifier in some sand, my father said a few words, and we went home. And he never asked for it again.
Do NOT do this!!!
You can take a pacifier away.
You can’t take a thumb away.
(Well, you can, but there are laws against it ;)).
I dunno - I would want to wean her away from it entirely, but the more immediate issue is during the daytime. Can you offer her some sort of reward for every day she goes pacifier-free? Something cumulative?
I admit, I’ve never been in this situation with my kids; Dweezil never took a pacifier (but did suck his thumb until 5ish years old). **Moon Unit ** did, but when she went on a nursing strike at age 13 months we put the pacifier and the bottle away, and she never missed them. She wasn’t as dedicated to it as the OP’s daughter, however.
On Celebrity Baby Blog Constance Marie (an actress) took the paci away from her daughter
Luna Marie by rounding up all the pacis and telling Luna that if she “planted” them a
lollipop would grow. She got a flower pot filled with dirt and 5 pacis went in with no fuss
and while Luna slept (part of the lollipop deal) she went and “planted” a lollipop for Luna to
find when she woke up the next morning. It worked!
Heh. I’m not a parent either, and my thought was “Elret said she’d be motified if her friends ever saw. So by all means, invite friends over unexpectedly and let the magic of peer pressure do its job.”
Why not? What’s wrong with thumb-sucking in private?
Nothing, except for the concern over dental issues. Those are the reason dentists and pediatricians discourage thumb-sucking beyond the first couple of years (though the OP’s dentist / doctor weren’t too bothered). I don’t recall at what age it becomes a major concern.
However - as I noted: if the child becomes so attached to the thumb and needs to stop, it can be tough break her of the habit. You can’t bury the thumb, trade it in for toys, etc.
I’m not saying that you should refuse to let your child enjoy thumb-sucking, just that you shouldn’t promote it.
And this is said as the parent of a baby who would NOT take a pacifier, and we were SOOOO thankful when he found his thumb at 3ish months of age. He was sucking it less by the time he hit preschool and I think had quit entirely by 6… but he did need orthodontia. Until he found his thumb, he had 3 modes: nursing, riding in the car, and screaming. The thumb gave us some breaks from the first two of those.
I’m in the tough love department here.
Tell your child you’re going to take it away, talk about what she could use to self soothe, and then follow through.
I didn’t see this when it first appeared last year, but can still respond.
My daughter gave hers up on her fifth birthday. Five! It horrified me and frustrated me but, in the end, it was what she needed. We did have a strict “bedtime only” rule and she occasionally would try to sneak it out, but could be redirected pretty easily.
I tried cutting off the end, and she was sad and hurt, and my husband really wasn’t on board with that method. It felt too sneaky for him, and he was right.
We talked up the cut-off for a while right before her birthday. I still worried that it would be awful. But no—on the night of hr fifth birthday, she handed it over and never asked for it again.
Any time I tried to force my timeline and methods, it backfired. Once she was ready, she was ready.
My sister was like this with her ‘passy’ and when my parents finally threw it away one day (she was three and change), she got over it in about a day and a half. Much easier than anticipated.
I on the other hand sucked my thumb until I was 9 despite my parent’s best efforts, deformed my palate permanently and gave myself beaver teeth. If your kid starts thumb-sucking after you put your foot down and take away their pacifier, I’d give it back.
I love the suggestions to let the child pay for a toy with the remaining pacifiers, and the lollipop trick.
When my kids turned three we told each one that we were not allowed to purchase new pacifiers for children who are three, it’s a law. So we kept throwing away any we found until one was left, then that one got icky and we threw it away. No problem at all.
I’ve gotta say, I’m highly amused by the idea of telling them it’s against the law for a child over three to use a pacifier. It’s genius, really, how can they argue with that?
My friends 4 year old son was a paci addict. I never saw him without it in his mouth…ever! I was shocked to see him a couple weeks ago without it. When I asked his mom how he stopped using it, she said they did the ol’ poke a hole in it technique. Apparently it doesn’t feel right and they lose interest. As far as his addiction and coping with the loss of his paci, he was completely fine. Since it was his decision to stop using it because it didn’t do the job anymore, there was no withdrawal problems or anxiety. He decided he was done and just moved on.
Our youngest liked her pacifier. We asked the doctor, and he asked us if we ever saw a bride going down the aisle with a pacifier. He said don’t worry about it, and she gave it up herself once she hit 1st grade.
She did have dental problems, but we knew about those five minutes after she was born, so the pacifier had no part in them.
She’s 24 now - and pacifier free.
This was my OP, and I’m happy to report that as we near her 5th birthday this month, she is thoroughly paci-free. We managed to get her back down to the bad-only situation, and did a fair bit of talking about how when she was ready to give it up for good, there was a special new doll she’d picked out waiting in the cupboard to be her new bed-buddy. We went camping a few weeks after she turned four, and the first night she was so exhausted she fell asleep without it. The next morning we made a huge fuss about how she’d slept all night without it and how proud we were, and that was the end of it. She got the doll as soon as we got home and she still sleeps with that. Any movement in her teeth corrected itself within a month or two, and she has ridiculously perfect teeth today.
Our son is approaching his 2nd birthday, and he likes his paci too. We’ve decided not to stress about it this time, and feel confident he’ll give it up on his own when he’s ready too.
My parents “lost” my pacifier when I was 2 and, now, I still suck my thumb as an adult as do many others as this post (below) hints at, though mostly done secretly. I agree though, “why bother?” is probably the best course.