Need help untangling a web of attraction

Ok. There’s a woman I work with. We have many of the same interests… so similar are our interests I find it odd, because I am odd, and to find not only another person who is odd, but who is odd in such a similar fashion… It’s very odd.

She is also attractive. Not the girl-of-my-dreams attractive, but generally speaking, she’s nice to look at. We’ve quickly become friends since I moved here a few months ago, and currently we’re only friends (on my part) because she has a boyfriend. This is an acceptable obstacle to a more intimate relationship, and I am not one to tamper with such things. Normally I’d leave it at that, but here’s the rub; the boyfriend lives oh, about 1000 miles away.

He seems nice enough, and they have similar interests between them, but knowing her so far, and knowing what she’s told me about him, the distance is the only saving grace of the relationship. If subjected to each other on a day-to-day basis for weeks, I have no doubt they’d lose interest in each other. If they did end their relationship, being her current confidant, close friend, and nearest reciprocating attraction, I’m fairly sure we’d get together. And we’d work.

Now I’ve told her that should circumstances change, I am attracted to her and would welcome the possibility of a more intimate relationship. We’ve noted that working together might make things difficult, but in our little fantasy discussion of the subject, the working together part did not destroy the possibility. She’s also said to me that if someone came along and swept her off her feet she’d be inclined to tell her LD beau it’s over. She’s also told me she has a similar attraction to me that I have with her, but again, her current relationship is good enough to her that she doesn’t want to chance it.

I’m highly analytical, and have run out many scenarios in my mind of what I could and should do, but have not found a suitable solution to my problem. I’d need to either figure out how to sweep her off her feet, or solidify the friendship as platonic. What could I do to help things along in my favor? Should I do them? If I should, how do I minimize the risk of me coming out in a bad light?

If she were really into you, she would explore a relationship with you. If they would really lose interest in each other if he were nearby, then she would go for it with you. If she says she doesn’t want to chance it with you, then she is probably not all that interested. I think you have assumed too much.

Some details that may help to know: How long has she been with the boyfriend? How often do they see each other? How old is she? How often do you hang out with her outside of work?

I think you should just be upfront with her. Put the moves on her and see what she does. Or ask her out on a “date.” Ask her to tell you honestly if there is ever any chance she would go for you. Ask her if there is anything you can do to sweep her off of her feet. You’re not going to come out in a bad light as long as you are honest and genuine.

How long has she been with the boyfriend? 4-5mos

How often do they see each other? 4 times so far

How old is she? 25

How often do I hang out with her outside of work? 5-6 days a week.

You raise good points, but I know from first hand experience (as I said, we’re very much alike) that one can stay in a long didstance relationship because as far as one knows, it was a good thing. It never occurred to me that the perfect way me and my ex got along was only because we never got the chance to get bored with eachother.

I’m being as upfront as possible, but asking her on a date, or putting “moves” on her would be disrespectful to her and her “boyfriend.”

If she knows how you feel and doesn’t break of with LD beau, she isn’t sure about how she feels about you. She may need that ‘magic’. I recomend a midnight serenade. Right under her window. It’s crazy enough to work.